My baby girl Darcey x
Hi I'm Ceilidh, I'm 19 years old and I have been following this website since around this time last Year after I suffered a miscarraige at approx ten wks preg.( although I have just joined) Anyway where to start!... Around 3 months after my miscarraige I found out I was 4 wks pregnant with my baby girl Darcey, both me and my boyfriend Russel were delighted after being left so devastated from the miscarraige. The next 34 wks of my pregnancy were pretty straight forward apart from a tiny bleed at 24 weeks. I loved being pregnant and everyday was filled with hope and excitment off being one day closer to meeting my baby and being a mum, On February the 7th we celebrated our 3 year anniversary and I went to bed that night feeling happy and content-in 2 weeks my baby girl was due. I wish so much that I could go back to that day, knowing what I know now. At around 3am I woke up to what I thought was my waters breaking filling me with excitment until I looked and was horified to see a puddle off blood and more coming out, after a frantic ambulance trip to hospital I was found to be 3 cm dilated and having regular contractions but due to the blood loss and the fact that my baby girls heartbeat was dropping they suspected a placental abruption and rushed me off for a c-section. Darcey was born at 0444 on February the 8th weighing 6lb 14oz, she was rushed off and it was over 3 hours before I got to see my babygirl. She was very I'll it had taken almost 20 mins for them to resusitate her, although she was able to breath for herself she was severly brain damaged, heart and kidney problems and her blood pressure was virtually non exictent. She improved for a while but by 9pm that night we were asked to make the hardest decision of our lifes. We took Darcey of the machines and she passed away at 0002 on feb the 9th in her mummy and daddys arms. I believe she is an angel now. We miss her so much, my body aches for her everyday. I just hope she has gone to a better place and is happy having fun playing with the angels. The last 4 weeks have been a blur, I realise now the people and things that are important in life and those that aren't. Her funeral was on the 17th and was a lovely day( if that is possible). I hope all of our little angels are playing together. We have decided to get Darceys footprint tatto'd and are getting that done on Monday. I hope my story makes sense- if not just ask I love to talk about her it really helps me. Take care and thankyou for Reading Darceys story xxx
0
Replies
you were so unlucky for Darcey to be one of the little ones who didnt get the chance following the abruption. i'm sure she knows how loved she is, and i'm sure the other angels will look after her for you
xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
I am sobbing as I read your daughters story.
I can not even begin to imagine what raw pain you must be feeling. I feel terrible as I have no words of comfort for you, I clicked from front page and didn't just want to read and run.
I too believe that she is already 'upstairs' looking down- as an angel, and is very much your daughter.
God, sorry, I really dont know what to say.
My thoughts are with both you and Russell, I hope SANDS help.
Sam xxx
she will be looking out for you both always and forever x
Sam -thankyou for your message, peoples words really help me to feel less alone. I remember when I used to read and run messages, feeling like there is nothing I could possibly say to comfort or help but I realize now I could have. It's just such a shame I had to find that out this way. xxx
I must admit after reading your story i wanted to read and run as I just didnt know what to say. However if in the tinest way possible by leaving a message it helps you then i will try.
You are so brave, you have explained yourself so clearly depite going through the most difficult thing in the world. I too believe that God needed an angel and that she has gone to a better place. My friend lost a baby very shortly after birth and she has this on her little boys grave.
'An Angel in the book of life,
noting down an infants birth
and saying ere he closed the book
Far too beautiful for earth.'
I have heard that SANDS is very good so i hope that you find them helpful. Sending you the biggest hug and you, your partner and Darcey are in our prayers
xxDBxx
I love this following poem, I hope you do too:
Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there, I do not sleep
I am a thousand winds that blow
I am the diamond glints on snow
I am the sunlight on ripened grain
I am the gentle Autumn rain
When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush of quiet birds
In circled flight
I am the soft stars that shine at night
Do not stand at my grave and cry
I am not there
I did not die
Helen xx
you will be able to tell your next baby how brave and poorly Darcey was before she lost her fight, and you wont ever forget her, as i'm sure you know. you have been robbed of the times that you should be able to spend with her, but she will always be with you in your head and heart.
You seem mature for your years and I am sure that has helped you carry this terrible tragedy. You are doing the right thing to talk and talk about her. My friend lost a baby at 16 hours last year and it was one of the hardest things to see her and her husband go through. I did not know what to say, how to act etc.. I have lost both my parents and some young cousins so felt like I should know the right words but I could not find them. i was scared to upset her. Then I realised she was upset no matter what I said. So, I just asked to see pictures of her daughter Rebecca and I asked questions and my friend blossomed in front of me and was so proud to show me pictures and talk about her.
What happened to your daughter was a terrible tragedy but as you say she is safe now, with the angels.
this poem has been printed on here before but it so poignant. My friend had it printed on the mass sheet for Rebeccas memorial and it makes me cry every time...
hope it does not upset you too much but read it a few times as its so true and so beautiful.
Keep strong and together you and Russel will get through this......
Don't let them say i wasn't born'
That something stopped my heart,
I felt each tender squeeze you gave'
I've loved you from the start.
Although my body you can't hold,
It doesn't mean i'm gone,
This world was worthy,not,of me,
God chose that i move on.
I know the pain that drowns your soul,
What you are forced to face,
You have my word, i'll feel your arms,
Someday we will embrace.
You'll hear that it "was meant to be,
God doesn't make mistakes"
But that won't soften your worst blow,
Or make your heart not ache.
I'm watching over all you do,
Another child you'll bear,
Believe me when i say to you,
That i am always there.
There'll come a time, i promise you,
When you will hold my hand,
Stroke my face and kiss my lips,
And then you'll understand.
Although i never breathed your air,
Or gazed into your eye's,
That doesn't mean i never "was"-
An Angel never dies.
Back to top
..dee dee- we actually used this poem on Darceys 'poem' sheets. We had them made up with a photo of Darcey on the front and one of the three of us on the back, with two poems in the middle. The one that you have posted and this one...
Since the moment we knew that you were there
The excitment and the love that we both shared
Those black and White images
Showed a little face
How cute you looked
Full of grace
As time went on you told us you were there
The excitment and the love that we both shared
No one could have thought of the pain and dispair
We would feel when u were there
Two shattered hearts as you fought on
Our love for you is so strong
You were such a brave little thing
Our feeling of helplesness and waiting
As time approached us
We knew it wasn't long
Before you became an angel
But your spirit still lives on
So spread your wings
Our gorgeous girl
Never forgotten, Darcey
We never will
XxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxX
We love both the poems. It's been 5 weeks today, It's unbelievable how much your life can change in such a short space of time. Anyway tattoo's tomorow... Wish me luck! I'm a tattoo virgin!
Take care hun my thoughts are with you both xx kat xx
I really hope that our baby girls are playing together and causing lots of mischief no doubt! Hehe I will blow Daisy a kiss when i blow Darcey one tonight before I go to sleep.We are both coping ok I guess as well as can be expected! Managing to get out off bed in the morning and get on with everyday things although some days I feel like I don't even have the energy to speak you just get on with it and some how a hour becomes a day and a day becomes a week. I noticed you in the ttc forum, I don't know if you have read my post for the 'how long did u wait' topic but hopefully I will be joining u over In the ttc forum in a few months, well actually hopefully you will be away into the 'pregnancy' and 'due in...' forums by then with a bit off luck. Anyway I'm sure I will speak to you at some point in some forum whether it's here/ttc or pregnancy( hopefully some time next year it will be the 'baby' forum eh?!! ) take care xxx
I really do hope that i see in ttc or pregnancy forum real soon...fingers crossed this will be my month...you never no!!!! im scared to death about the next pregnancy but i no i will have extra appointments next time round and everything should turn out just the way it should of done with Daisy!!
still thinking about a tattoo i am so tempted if i get one done it will be my sons name which is Tommy and Daisy's name, just dont when and where on my body lol!!!
If you want to talk any time you can get me on my email address which is
kathleeneggleton@hotmail.com
Take care babes xx
oh yea dont worry about not replying when you read my post about Daisy...i didnt expect any replys its such a sore subject and no-one ever knows what to say untill they have been through it them seleves xx