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BIL & SIL loosing baby at 17 weeks a little advice please.x

Hi girls,

I lurk around this forum alot to see how you are all getting along, my BIL and his fiance found out at their 12 week scan that their baby had a enlarged bladder and kidneys and had a number of scans afterwards. Which resulted in them on Tuesday having an amnio and a shunt inserted to release the build up of urine in his bladder. All went fine apart from SIL feeling a little under the weather understandably.

The results from the amnio came back today which showed the baby to have Patau Syndrome or Trisomy 13 boys very rarely make it to term, girls can sometimes survive although with numerous health problems. They have advised a termination tomorrow to make it easier on SIL.

I really am devastated for them and OH has gone to see MIL as BIL was worried about her (FIL works away and is on his way home), we have a 9 month old and I really dont know what to do for the best? I feel if it was me I'd want to be left alone and have time to grieve, I dont want to do anything to upset them more or be insensitive in anyway (when I lost my mum so many people wound me up with out realising they were being insenstive).



  • Just let them know your there for them. I have got very angry about people who I didn't feel were supportive. A card, flowers what ever will let them know you understand how devestating their loss is x
  • Hi, awh thats so sad news. They will be devastated. Its been 39 wks since my baby boy was stillborn and I still think back and ponder on the way people were and reacted to our loss.
    My good friend said it the best, she told me she'd give me time to grieve, but she would also come running if I called her. She told me she'd keep checking in on me every day and to just ignore her and to just let her know how I am when i'm good and ready.
    A card and some flowers don't help but they let you know you are being thought about and that people care and I have kept all the cards people sent me in a keepsake box.
    Hope its of some help.
    P.S. The worst thing you could hear is "you'll have another" - you wanted the baby you've lost and you always will!! x
  • I'm so sorry, for me I didn't want to see or talk to anyone. I found texts the best as I could decide myself to reply or not based on my mood, but it was nice to hear from people who cared.
    Like the others say, peoples reactions remain with you and the ones who ignore you completely are difficult to accept as friends and it does hurt.
    I'd say you let them know you're there for them and when they need you your door is open.
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