Due date tomorrow!!

God, what an emotional day today has been!! And i haven't even reached my actual due date!!

So, tomorrow was my original due date, Tuesday 15th December 2009 was when i was supposed to become a Mum again (

12 weeks ago my baby stopped moving and i went to get it checked out by the midwife, I was 27 + 2, I remember it well, it was Thursday 17th September. The midwife couldn't find the heartbeat so sent me to the hospital where i had a scan and the doctor told me my baby had died. I had no bleeding or pain, just no movement. It was all very weird and all i remember is a doctor telling me about post mortems!! I had to take a pill that night to induce labour and went back in on Saturday 19th at 9am to have my baby. I started labour pains at around 4ish and had the urge to push at 8.45pm, I gave birth at 9.15 that night. I didn't know i was having a boy until he came into the world. We called him Ewan, he was perfect, pink and soft, just asleep!! it's been a tough 12 weeks, most days i'm fine, I always think of Ewan but i don't always cry. Today has been horrible, I just keep thinking why my little boy, it's not fair he got taken away from his mum, dad and big brother. So the tears have been flowing freely today, i'm just glad i managed to avoid speaking to anyone at work today while i was feeling teary!! I have told them i won't be in tomorrow, if i was like this today then god only knows what i'll be like tomorrow!!

I came across this poem on this forum and i thought it was lovely and sums it up for me:

If tears could build a stairway
And memories were a lane
We would walk right up to Heaven
And bring you back again
No farewell words were spoken
No time to say goodbye
You were gone before we knew it
And only God knows why
Our hearts still ache in sadness
And secret tears still flow
What it meant to lose you
No on will ever know
But know we know you want us
To mourn for you no more
To remember all the happy times
Life still has much in store
Since you'll never be forgotten
We pledge to you today
A hallowed place within our hearts
Is where you'll always stay

Rest in peace my little Ewan, mummy will always love you xx

[Modified by: dotty1977 on 14 December 2009 22:30:27 ]