my angel

emmajune · Oct 22, 2009 6:24PM

hi all,im new to this but i wanted to share my loss,happiness and fears with you,i lost my first child,a beautiful baby daughter who we named angel,to cotdeath in 2007,she was 5months old.i know you will understand the emotions you go through,why why why but you get no awnsers.i still cry for her everyday.we started trying for another baby but it was for the wrong reasons,we both so badly missed angel,we lost that baby when i was for months pregnant last june.so sad.i am now 30 weeks pregnant with my third attempt to be a mum,it is for the right reasons,and we found out its a boy.everybody says its a blessing its a boy as having a girl would remind us of angel.all i want is a healthy baby.i am happy,but also feel guilty as i so wish angel was here to share her little brother.i am also terrified something might happen to this baby.noone wants to become friends through such terrible surcumstances,but i would love to have a friend that relly understands.love from emma 30 somerset x:

_Wooly_ · Oct 22, 2009 3:43PM

Hi Emma,
I'm so sorry for your loss but pleased you shared it with us. It brings faith & hope to the rest of us...that there might be a 'next time'. We can't replace our babies but we can move forward with them in our hearts.
I will keep everything crossed for you. Please keep us posted with your baby son & his progress x

charlis_angel · Oct 22, 2009 4:33PM

hi emma i'm so sorry for your losses but your right we all no how u feel on here i lost my baby durling labour 9 wks ago his name is charlie , this is a great site and were all here to talk to each other bad and good days take care love vicki xx

waiting4baby · Oct 22, 2009 5:02PM

Hello Emma, i'm so sorry to read of your losses, it must have been so very hard for you to go through such horrible pain twice. i lost my baby girl at 20 weeks in the womb a few weeks ago and we also called her Angel. i have a 22month old son Zachariah too
Congratulations on your pregnancy and i hope it runs smoothly for you, and wish you all the best.
i'm actually being a bit premature on here as have yet had the all clear to ttc but atm the only thing keeping me going (aside from my son) is the thought of another.
take care x

emmajune · Oct 22, 2009 5:27PM

thankyou for your replys,it is a comfort to have people thet are going through this pain allso,its so hard sometimes you just feel so alone and wonder why it happened.im going through a low time at the momment coz it would of been angels 3rd birthday,my emotions are all over the place at what could of been and im jelous of people that have healthy children,its pulled me away from my siblings as they all have healthy children and seem to have forgotten about my angel,am i the only one who still grieves for her.just because im pregnant again dosnt take away the pain in my heart.maybe because iv started my matternity leave i have to much time to think.at what should be a happy time im filled with sadness and fear.love from emma x

waiting4baby · Oct 22, 2009 6:24PM

Oh Emma, i am so sorry. we have siblings on both sides although all are without children as younger than us, so they don't understand the joys or pain i am going through and everyone around me thinks i should be over it by now, i can really understand how that feels and also surprised as i'd assumed had my baby actually lived at all, people would've understood better! i guess the truth is no-one understands except those that go through it and i'm sorry. Angel will always be a part of your life and rememberd by you and that is the most important thing, and one day you will be able to tell your other children all about her and she will remain in their hearts forever too X
As for too much time on your hands, do you do any sewing? i cross stitch and when pregnant with my first son i would sit for hours doing up this picture for him, i was adamant to get it finished and as it involves concentration i'd imagine you may be able to have less time to 'think' whilst doing it. i know it's not everyones cup of tea but i'm so pleased with the end result and he actually has 2 of them on his bedroom wall now of numbers and alphabet. Just an idea but take care and wishing you all the best. take care x

my angel

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