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thought of breast feeding repulses me (moved forum)

Hi, I originally posted this on the pregnancy forum, but saw this forum and thought it was probably more apt...sorry new to the site....

Hi, This is my first post. I am 14 weeks pregnant and over the moon to be so, I cant wait! However the thought of breast feeding horrifies me. I dont know why i feel so strongly about something i have never done, its not that im scared of it been possibly painful, I dont have body issues (well no more than the average woman!) and I know its entirely natural, and I don't see other breast feeding mums and think 'urrr o my god', but the thought of me breast feeding horrifies me. I know its the best thing for the baby and so how strongly i hate the idea is really upsetting me. I keep visualising having a go and even thinking about it makes me cry as i find it so repugnant.
Ive tried to do a bit of research about whether it is possible to express from the very beginning (as i have no problem with being attached to a machine and expressing), but from the sounds of it if you dont breast feed for a while first its unlikely to be very successful. Has anybody any experience of doing this??
I realise theres a possibility i could give birth and want nothing more than to breastfeed, so im not saying i wont at least try, but i seriously doubt ill be able to (mentally), and have visions of screaming 'get the baby off me'. I also realise if it does effect me that badly when i try for real, that its not the end of the world if i bottle feed. But i just feel really bad for failing at the first hurdle of being a good mum. Has anybody else been so disgusted by the thought of breast feeding? How did it turn out when you had the baby?

Sorry if ive droned on.... :cry:

Replies

  • I was also in a similar situation when i was pregnant, i wouldn't go as far to say it it repulsed me, but i certainly did not like the idea of it at all, and hearing people say how lovely it was all i thought was "how can a baby sucking on your boobs all day be lovely!??!??" I had no reason to think this, i was breastfed, i have a younger brother and sister who also were so i've seen my mum doing it, but i just didnt like the idea of it. I said i would give it a go once baby was born (more out of obligation to my mum!) but if it didnt work i'd just express or formula (although i did want my baby to receive the health benefits of BM) and honestly, once DD arrived, it did actually feel like the most natural thing in the world and i absolutely love feeding her now. I have expresed on the odd occasion, but she wont take a bottle so i just carry on as we are.
    What i'd say it try not to think about it to much whilst your pregnant, try not to build it up in your head to much- i think the more you think about it the more it will repulse you (well it did me) and you will worry how you feel when the baby is born. I have heard of women soley expressing, but i think its quite hard if your never breastfeeding.

    So, hope that has made some sense!! but just to let you know, your not alone, and there is hope! If you want to private message me to talk about it more please feel free image xx
  • I was also in a similar situation when i was pregnant, i wouldn't go as far to say it it repulsed me, but i certainly did not like the idea of it at all, and hearing people say how lovely it was all i thought was "how can a baby sucking on your boobs all day be lovely!??!??" I had no reason to think this, i was breastfed, i have a younger brother and sister who also were so i've seen my mum doing it, but i just didnt like the idea of it. I said i would give it a go once baby was born (more out of obligation to my mum!) but if it didnt work i'd just express or formula (although i did want my baby to receive the health benefits of BM) and honestly, once DD arrived, it did actually feel like the most natural thing in the world and i absolutely love feeding her now. I have expresed on the odd occasion, but she wont take a bottle so i just carry on as we are.
    What i'd say it try not to think about it to much whilst your pregnant, try not to build it up in your head to much- i think the more you think about it the more it will repulse you (well it did me) and you will worry how you feel when the baby is born. I have heard of women soley expressing, but i think its quite hard if your never breastfeeding.

    So, hope that has made some sense!! but just to let you know, your not alone, and there is hope! If you want to private message me to talk about it more please feel free image xx
  • I wouldn't say it repulsed me but I secretly felt VERY weird about it, esp when we found out we were expecting a girl, somehow it felt wrong to think of a female baby latching onto my nipple, which just goes to show how sad it is that I had let society sexualise my breasts and make me think they were only for males!!!! I then spoke to two friends who have daughters who said they'd been the same.

    Once baby arrives it feels the obvious thing to do, it's hard at first but I peservered and now 5 months on it feels such an amazing bond between me and my daughter and I feel so proud that she is thriving on my milk. Good luck hon, and don't beat yourself up about how you feel, it's your body and your choice. x

    [Modified by: Ames123 on November 16, 2009 10:23 PM]

  • Hello and congrats on your pregnancy. I have bf all of my 3 children and have, myself, only ever had positive feelings about bf. But, I have also read a lot of posts about bf on these forums - there are girls who absolutely dread the thought of bf during pregnancy (like yourself), but then take to it like a duck to water once the baby's born. Then on the other hand there are women determined to bf, but don't get on with it all and go onto formula within days.

    It sounds like you are giving yourself a very hard time over these feelings - try not to worry about this and don't let it spoil what should be a very happy time in your life. Have you confided in your partner? If I were you I would, and between you, you can make a 'plan' about what you will do after the birth. You don't have to put baby straight to the breast if you don't want to. If you want to give it a go - maybe have a signal agreed with hubby that means 'take the baby - I can't do this'? Then, try and put it out of your mind.

    My own experience of bf has been overwhelmingly positive - I loved the bonding experience and feeling of closeness with baby. I also felt v clever that baby was thriving on my milk! Once established, it is incredibly easy, cheap, no sterilising, no mixing feeds in the middle of the night, and an immediate way to comfort your baby.

    I see from these forums that not everybody has the same experience as me, and I don't think any mum should persevere at bf if it is making them unhappy - you don't want it to ruin those first precious few weeks with your baby! Please don't ever think formula feeding would make you a bad mum!

    Expressing could be an option for you - but I must be honest that I did not get on with it that well. I was absolutely fine with a baby latched onto me, but didn't like the idea of 'milking myself' lol!

    Hope this helps a bit - I really think this is something you need to follow your heart on.

    Mx

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