i want to but no ones else wants me to :-|

Hayley_JC · Mar 30, 2008 6:19PM

so I've got just over 4 weeks till my lo arrives, from the beginning i've wanted to breast feed & that's from no pressure or anything from mw or drs. now you'd think that i'd at least get support from oh but all he keeps saying to me is "i only see the point in breast feeding if it's for the first few days".
He's told me that he'll feel left out when it comes to feeding then I've suggested getting a breat pump so he can feed him when he arrives but he's still all I don't think it's a good idea & even when I've mentioned nursing bras he's said but you don't know if you'll need them or not, you might not be able to breast feed.
Other people I can just think yer w/e sod off but coming from oh it's a real put down.
anyone else have this?

http://tickers.TickerFactory.com/ezt/d/1;20750;42/st/20080421/dt/6/k/fc61/preg.png

siand · Mar 20, 2008 4:44PM

im affraid my oh has been great but a lot of men struggle with it, a lot of its to do with them not wanting to see you differently, alot of men wont have sex until there oh stops. my oh will joke and tell out l/o to hurry up and give them back coz there his, silly man. try to reasure him about you relationship returning back even if your feeding and really emphisise how much better it will be for your l/o. if you want to you should just go for it, you dont need his permission but i would have one last go at winning him round coz the support would be handy. and as for him feeding, the novelty will soon where of and you will do most or all the feeds anyway and bf is so much easier at 3am. if your o/h really is worried he will miss out maybe you could think of something thats just for him and baby. like bath and bed, my oh loves reading the bed time story.

Loukad · Mar 20, 2008 4:55PM

Ah hun it's not fair that your not getting the support you should be.
Luckily my oh was very supportive of me wanting to bf but I know some members of his family made the odd comment or two like what if others wanted to feed him & generally making out I would have a closer bond than daddy because of it which at the end of the day is rubbish as oh gets to do lots of bonding with him without feeding.

I worry for you as I know bf is really hard at the beginning and having a lot of support is essential. I know without the support I had I would almost certainly have given up due to the problems I was having.

It sounds as though you are being really fair by suggesting getting a breast pump to try and involve oh and the fact he still isn't interested sounds like he does seem to have a bit of a problem with it. Have you tried talking to him to get him to honestly tell you what bothers him about it? Sometimes I think men can find it a bit weird as they see our boobies as sexual rather than baby food

Also some guys can feel a bit pushed out and a bit of jealously as well.

My best advice would be try to bf when lo arrives and try to involve oh as much as poss such as letting him do some expressed feeds if thats what you are planning. Also try to make him understand it is something you really want to try for the sake of lo as much as anything else as he/she will benefit in so many ways.

Anyway honey, good luck for the upcoming birth and please do try and give it a go despite what everyone else says. They'll soon get used to it ;\)

EnglebertW_nkface · Mar 20, 2008 5:02PM

Oh dear! Doesn't sound like he is going to make it that easy for you does it? I am lucky that my oh doesn't believe in bottles and was therefore about as supportive as possible. I agree that maybe having a really good talk might get to the bottom of what is bothering him, it might also be worth giving him all the reasons why breastfeeding is better for lo. At the end of the day it should be your decision really but it would make things much easier for you in the early days if you can talk him round! Good luck, and don't forget that if you do need some support we are all here for you, Kerry xx

becky25 · Mar 20, 2008 5:41PM

hi hun,i agree with the other ladies,it should be your desision.at the end of the day breast is better for baby,not to mention its easier as theres no cleaning and sterilising bottles and making them up,especially in the middle of the night! and then theres the fact that it helps your womb to contract when youv had little one.just try to explain all this to your partner.my baby is 8week and hes my partners 1st child but he wants his child to have the best,so is fine about me breastfeeding,i express milk a couple of times a week just so he and my other 2children get the chance to feed our baby,And to be truthful,even though i bf my partner and baby have a huge bond already,he smiles more for his daddy for a start which just isnt fare!!!! LOL.hope this helps. becky xx

hayley_l · Mar 21, 2008 10:18AM

Hi Poor you, b/f can be tough in the first few weeks so you really need the help of your oh to get you through, try showing him how much a tin of formula costs and tell him that you will get through at least one a week and maybe more then theres the cost of the electricity to sterilise and you have to get out of bed to feed whereas if your b/f you can just pull your lo into bed with you and not have to get up at all, my hubby never even used to wake when i fed isaac cos he never cried for long and as soon as he started the milk was there. also its on tap at the right temp so you dont have to listen to your lo crying whilst you try to get milk to the right temp. If you want to b/f then you should and dont let oh change your mind. good luck. xx

Hayley_JC · Mar 21, 2008 10:45AM

thanks for the replies girls, he's already got a lo, well she's 4 now n not so little!! lol n her mum didnt b/f her so i think it might be the whole this is something i'm not used to! my mum bf me n my bro (when he was out of intentensive care - was born at 31 wks) so i know i'll get support from her & my dad coz he seems really keen on me bf as well. I'll win him round & the chorley midwives are really good at giving support from what i've heard.

EnglebertW_nkface · Mar 21, 2008 12:35PM

If you've got your mum on side you'll be fine! I couldn't have managed without mine in the first few weeks. She lives 70 miles away but she came up every day for the first few days and whenever I needed her after that. Just having someone who has succesfully breastfed before on hand for advice helps no end!

Hayley_JC · Mar 21, 2008 5:49PM

yer, she only live about 4/5 miles away form us if that n we within a 15/20 min walk from the hospital, well 10 min on the bus if you want to be lazy or it's chucking it down with rain! lol but she b/f me till i was about 9 months, same with my bro as well i think but he was in intensive care for about 9 weeks coz he was really small, well he's 27 now but when he was born he was considered tiny (just under 4lb)
it's one of those i reckon, i know it can be hard in the first couple of weeks but fortunatly for me both my dad n grandad have the stubborn, this isn't going to beat me trait of which i've inheritited!! lol

Pebs78 · Mar 22, 2008 5:32PM

hi, i have to agree with the other ladies. Breast is definitely easier at 3am! my oh was very supportive of bf. he does bath time which is when he bonds with lilian, and she has as strong a bond with her dad as with me! hope all goes well!
Petra

mumto225 · Mar 23, 2008 4:17PM

bloody men! it's 'best for baby', easier, and you can express so he can feed too... what more does he want???

gsmummy55 · Mar 24, 2008 6:50PM

Hi Hayley, my oh is exactly the same, if you go through my topics I posted about it a while back. I don't think I will get any support bf as I don't know ANYONE who has done it successfully, so in a way they've all persuaded me and I sometimes think I'll give up on the idea completely which is a real shame. But it isn't going to be realistic for me. My oh's family are pretty 'grossed out' by bf and I wouldn't want to feed in front of anyone, considering I'll be living with them, that's going to be tough. My oh thinks bottle feeding is better for the baby and that there is 'no point' bfing and thinks the idea of it after a few months is disgusting (weird I know!) So I'm resigned to ff for the time being still....Sorry I dont have any advice - just saying I'm in the same boat! xxx

fragsjones · Mar 25, 2008 4:29PM

Why do men think/say such things?! Formula has only been around since 1867 so what did we do the squillions of years before then?!
I would love my hubby to dare to say anything along those lines, I'd knock him into next week...I keep telling him he may wear the trousers in our relationship but I am the one who chooses them! lol!

My LO is now on formula as I was too scared of BF'ing when his teeth came through so BF for 5 months but now I wished I'd carried on BF'ing for the whole year as the cost of formula is shocking and then you have the different sized bottles, teats which you have to keep buying as you need to increase the milk flow & the main reason I wished I hadn't introduced formula is the poo! OMG formula fed bb's poo STINKS BAD! lol! BF bb's poo has a sweet smell that is non offensive but formula makes the poo stink to high heaven!
Then you have all the is he hungry? make a bottle & he's not so it's wasted, running out of formula - I used to wonder what idiots could run out of formula? until I did once! lol!

Night feeds - so is your OH going to be getting up in the middle of the night to give the bb a bottle at 12am/3am/6am? If he wants to get involved then I hope he realises this...staggering down stairs, heating the water, carefully measuring the formula, cooling it if it's too hot going back upstairs, bib, feed, burp when you could just put bb straight onto the boob?

And going out - all the stuff I take out...the flask of hot water (some shops won't give out hot water due to H&S now) the formula carrier (can't take out premixed bottles), then say you make the bottle & they don't want it or they want more & you haven't brought enough out, premade cartons are an easier option when out (but pricey).

Anyway, I've gone on too long...if it's what you want then stick to your guns...it's best for bb & best for you (help your womb return to prepreg size & helps prevent cancer I think) & best for the wallet.

Very few women are unable to BF it's mainly we don't have enough support & those you believe to know what their are on about still don't know enough & people end up giving up...what you need is good support & we are all here to give that.

I hope I have given you some ammo & a laugh (ff bb's poo STINKS! lol!) & food for thought.

Good Luck
x
$:\$ )

Hayley_JC · Mar 25, 2008 6:29PM

Thx frags_jones!!! & tiger lily i live with oh parents as well so in the same boat living situation as well but when we found out i was pregnant back in september n i was just browsing through the different baby stuff (push chairs, car seats, bedding, baby clothes etc) his family were trying to tell me what to do, what to buy, what to have pain relief wise while in labour etc etc basically trying to control my pregnancy! fair enough i know i'm only 18 but there's giving advice & taking the p!ss so i told them all where to shove it & banned everyone from visiting when i'm in hospital & since then they've not bothered to ask why! think they've got the drift that if i want advice i'll ask for it! but as i said earlier my mum bf both me & my brother & she doesn't live that far away so i've got her for support, also it stops everyone saying "can i feed him, can't i give him a bottle"
I know i sound like i'm ranting here but i suppose one of the reasons why i wana bf is to show everyone who's mum if you get what i mean. been looking into breast pumps so oh can feed as well but apart from that it's going to be me!!!
fortunatly for us though me n oh have got our own living room so it'll be a case of while lo feeding latch goes on the door, also coz oh has got a 4 yr old daughter n i dont really want her watching!
apologize for the rant again!!!

fragsjones · Mar 25, 2008 7:05PM

My friends daughters saw me BF'ing (2 & 5yrs old) and they were facinated...to the extent that one day whilst playing they went very quiet (they usually fight!) so she went upstairs to check on them & they were both BF'ing their dolls! lol!

amusinglion · Mar 25, 2008 9:19PM

Oh tell me about fussy in laws!! I only turned 19 a few weeks before William was born so they thought they knew better. I always wanted to bf but his step mum was like "oh well I found it EVER so hard" you could tell by what she was saying that thought that if she couldn't do it then I definitely couldn't *rolls eyes* she only did it for a few weeks so now William is 12 weeks old and I'm still doing it she's shocked or something. But it really annoyed me that none of them thought I could do it and were trying to talk me into ff and trying to tell me that you can get bedside bottle warmers and stuff like it could compare to breast milk!! Haha, as for the daughter I think you should bf in front of her, if you lock yourself away in a room to bf its like you're saying you're ashamed of it and there is nothing to be ashamed of!! There is nothing more beautiful than a mother feeding her child. If your oh can't accept how infinitely better breast milk is to formula then that's his problem if you ask me because at the end of the day you should do what's best for your baby. Don't forget the effects of breastmilk last a
lifetime, bf babies are much less likely to become obese when they're older and you can't get an obese bf baby. Everything is made exactly to your baby's requirements.
In laws are stupid and you should just tell your oh you're doing it with or without his support but obviously you'd prefer it

Hayley_JC · Mar 27, 2008 3:34PM

LOL! at your reply amusinglion (like the name as well!!! lol :P) i think i'm a bit apprehensive about oh lo watching coz she's not my daughter if you know what i mean & she's one of the sort of children who'll likes to help & ask questions but don't really want her pestering me while i'm just beginnning to get the hang of bf when when we bring lo home, she's at school fair enough but the first 2 weeks of april she's on easter holidays n she goes back on the day her brother's due!!! (21st apr) so with parents like me & oh i think he's going to arrive the first wkend she's off while she's at her mums! or some point when she's off school!!! even now she keeps asking if her little brothers here yet!!! & the time before she goes back to school will be ideal bonding time for them both as well as for all of us as a family kinda thing!
main reason i'd be latching the door to our living room though is coz oh parents have got a habbit of not bothering to knock when they come in n dont really wana be flashing my tits to them while lo feeding!! oh lo always knocks which i think is cute especially since she's only 4!!!

amusinglion · Mar 29, 2008 10:47AM

Oh she does sound sweet. I know my little brother never knocked.. and I probably didn't either, lol. Still don't latch your door - either bf naked (that'll teach them to bloody knock) or just tell them before you do it, I wouldn't worry too much anyway, one boob is still covered by your bra and everything else is covered by baby - the only difficult time is when you're actually getting them out and stuff - thats what I found anyway.
Ask your oh to keep his daughter out of the way until you get the hang of it but once you know what you're doing let her in, honestly the first time you bf is sooooo surreal and special but once you get used to them and they start growing it's nice to have someone to talk to.. plus if you forget to put a cushion underneath your arm she can help because I know I forget and William is bloody heavy now, I need the support!!

Good luck by the way - I hope your labour goes as smoothly as mine did!!
xx

Hayley_JC · Mar 29, 2008 3:44PM

lol! think i'm going to be in the same boat as you are! seen 3 different mw n they've all said we not going to be in for a small baby!! n thats just by feeling my bump! on the whole privacy thing though i thinking i'm going to get a sign for the door saying "do not disturb - feeding in progress" lol
only got about 3 weeks to go now n i'm beginning to get to the stage of i want to meet my baby!!!

amusinglion · Mar 30, 2008 6:19PM

William was never small he was born 8lb 15oz!! And now he just keeps growing and growing. Your sign sounds like a good idea - I bet they still don't pay attention to it - stupid grown ups!! I never really wanted to meet my baby - it sounds cruel but I honestly just couldn't even believe I was pregnant, sometimes I still don't even believe he's mine!! My oh reassures me and says it was definitely MY vagina he saw stretching to gigantic proportions LOL.
its sooo surreal having a baby, although I would never change it for the world.
I hope you enjoy your time in hospital, I had some of the most annoying neughbours in my ward. And they called their child Hunter. Yep, its the gladiators name, I feel so sorry for the poor kid, think how bullied he will be!!
do you know what you're having? What names have you got planned? (please don't say Hunter, LOL)
xx

i want to but no ones else wants me to :-|

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