Not demand feeding

Replies

• charlene85

  Nov 13, 2009 7:18AM

  i'm not going to be much help but i'm not sure if you can breast feed not on demand but i have a 4 week old and i breast feed on demand and its such hard work. I am seriously thinking about giving up altogether as i am so sore and he feeds so much i can't keep up. Like you said its so restricting as to where and when we can go out. He has just fed 4 times from 9am- 10:45am.
  
  A friend of mine followed the baby whisperer and that was a routine and she got on really well with it. I think i might have a look into it too. She mentioned the EASY routine (Eat, Activity, Sleep, You time) sounds perfect but easier said than done now i have started demand feeding i think.
  
  Hope think helps a bit.
  
  Charlene and Alfie
  XX

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• gemmiebaby

  Nov 13, 2009 7:36AM

  This probably wont be everyones cup of tea but I dont exclusively demand feed. Main reason is because I find it impossible!! Having said that, if the boys cry then I feed them...they just wait a bit sometimes. I feed approx every 3 hours, and not normally more often than that. I had help though as the boys got into this routine in NICU. If were out they sometimes go longer as I dont wake them up to feed. Also, as difficult as I found it (I really did and I dont think you realise how hard it will be to give them a bottle on the emotions until you do it!) I gave them a bottle at 3 weeks, and have tried weekly to give them one so they get used to it and it has been marginally successful - so I could go out and leave them and they would eat!
  
  Sorry if that doesnt make much sense...feeding at the same time!! lol!!

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• Baby_B

  Nov 13, 2009 8:52AM

  I demand fed for the first 4 weeks or so and then decided I could only continue to bf if I had more of a routine. I started moving more towards 3 hourly feeding (a la Baby Whisperer) Now we roughly feed by GF's timings. BUT I am not strict about this at all. e.g. Beth just woke up crying from a nap and instead of waiting to feed her until 2 I gave her a top up at 12.20 and will then try to get back on track after 2. Generally I try not to feed within 2 hours unless I know she didn't take a big enough feed at the previous one or if I think she may be having a growth spurt and genuinely hungry. The problem I actually have with Beth is quite often she doesn't ask for food so I have to actually offer it before she asks!
  
  We were giving her one bottle a day between 2-4 weeks but stopped and now she won't take it. For the last week we have offered one every day in the hope that one day it clicks. It's weird though - she takes about an oz and then decides she doesn't want the bottle anymore. So she's not totally rejecting it but she's not full as she then happily drinks from me! Little Monkey!
  
  

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• maxnjacksmummy

  Nov 13, 2009 11:50AM

  I think realistically those first few weeks need to be demand led to build your supply and for both of you to 'learn' the art!! But once max was about 6 weeks I would stretch him out a bit more - he had a dummy too and it was dead easy to tell if he wanted food of comfort - comfort the dummy stayed in food it got spat straight out!
  
  There really is no reason to still be demand feeding at 1 or to be so tied to the lo at that age - unless you want to be. Regarding bottles I would introduce a bottle of ebm relatively early (4 weeks maybe) to ensure they will take one but most will!
  
  

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• Lulu-K-82

  Nov 13, 2009 12:25PM

  I'm still demand feeding but also mixed feeding, I just subsitute one or two feeds a day for a bottle and I have found that this has really helped me to carry on bf and if I want to go out and leave her with her Dad or my mum she will quite happily take bottles until I get back!
  
  I didn't start until 4 / 5 weeks and was expressing for every bottle of formula she had until 8 weeks and my supply hasn't been affected by it
  
  Good luck, I would highly recommend bf for the night feeds alone - so much easier than making up bottles lol
  
  xxx
  
  xxx

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• EnglebertW_nkface

  Nov 13, 2009 1:03PM

  I would say the same as Maximum+1, to start with you really need to feed on demand as this establishes your supply and helps you and lo get the hang of what you are doing. After about 12 weeks (and possibly sooner) there is no reason why you can't start to introduce a 'proper routine' By that age both mine were feeding every three hours in the day, and once or twice at night.
  xx

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• PinkToothbrush

  Nov 13, 2009 4:11PM

  Agree with MaxiMum and Bedhead that you sort of have to feed on demand for a few months to ensure your supply is up sufficiently.
  
  As for being tied to the house - I know what you mean, I felt I would go mad if I had to stay at home all day long. It might seem daunting but the best thing to do is get out and about and start building your confidence bf in public. Somewhere like Starbucks is great because they have a "bf welcome" policy, so you can sit and relax for a bit at the same time.
  
  I found that bf was the best way to comfort and calm my LO, so having a bf routine would have been much more stressful than just wopping them out when she wanted it, for me.
  
  I have to admit my LO was fussy about taking a bottle until about 6 months, which wasn't ideal, but I wasn't ready to leave her until then anyway so for me that wasn't an issue. From 7 months she's had 2 bottles and 2 bfs a day like clockwork, and is a very good eater (she's now 11 months). I really don't think demand feeding promotes bad eating habits later in life - I think your friend has just been unlucky.
  
  I hope I didn't sound negative about bf to a routine - I think if it works for you, brill, really convenient! Just sharing my personal experience.

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• Coco-25

  Nov 13, 2009 4:33PM

  I don't understand how you could NOT feed on demand? I don't mean that in a critical way, I just don't get how I could make Sam wait for his feed - he would go purple screaming!
  
  I haven't found feeding on demand stressful - to be honest, I find it a great excuse to relax on the sofa with my baby, and also get my BE/tv fix!
  
  I agree with Pink Toothbrush that it's vital to gain confidence in public breastfeeding. Now that I'm happy feeding in cafes etc I don't feel in any way tied to the house, and it's far more convenient than formula feeding. When I'm with my NCT group, the formula feeding mums seem to be feed just as much as me, and they have to worry about sterilised bottles etc.
  
  When I'm lazy I let Sam 'snack' at the boob - and then he does feed very often, but if I make sure he is awake and has a good feed he can easily go 3 hours in the day and 4 at night, which seems to be what my formula feeding friends are doing as well. A lot of it depends on your baby rather than your method of feeding.
  
  Coco and Sam - 9 weeks and 4 days x

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• LadyTottington Regular

  Nov 13, 2009 7:36PM

  Hello, For ds1 I kind of established a routine in early days out of necessity (had v.v. sore nipples). Fed him every 3 hours on the dot, a diff side each time, but did have a very supportive dh who would hold/comfort him. As his latch improved, I could then relax, but feeds then seemed to be about naturally 3-hourly. He would never take a bottle until he was starving - hated them!
  
  With Ds2 &dd3 I found bf much easier to establish - and did more demand feeding, but tbh this was not a problem - I was happy to do it. In fact both of them took a bottle no problems and were happy with formula or ebm (on the rare occasions I had a sitter lol!).
  
  What I will say is that the first few days (before your milk comes in) are hard - baby is sucking and sucking but it doesn't feel like they are getting v much......natural reaction is to think they are starving, but it is just natures way of getting your milk supply through. Once you get over this hump, it is easier as baby can have a proper 'feed' and is 'full up' afterwards. It is certainly possible to introduce a routine then, but like the others have said, when baby comes you may find you feel completely differently about it! Leaving your baby to cry for boob or bottle at such a young age, just for the sake of a routine, is quite difficult. I didn't want to do it....
  
  I found it quite easy to get baby into a routine at a few months old - even excl bf - there is no reason that demand feeding when they are newborn means they will still be doing it at a year old.
  
  Hope this helps a bit.
  Mx
  
  
  
  
  

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• gemmiebaby

  Nov 14, 2009 8:03AM

  Just wanted to add to my previous post to say that I dont leave them to scream. Ive read mine and others replies and it sounds like im a sucker to my 3hrly routine. Im not, quite the opposite really, but I find it more stressful feeding them at the same time and we all end up in tears so sometimes Ryan may have to wait 10 mins hungry while Alfie finishes his feed.

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• Coco-25

  Nov 14, 2009 9:59AM

  Gemmiebaby - I don't think anyone would have anything but admiration for you! I can't believe how well you're doing breastfeeding twins - so impressive xxx

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• gemmiebaby

  Nov 14, 2009 10:18AM

  Thanx coco. Read my reply back and it sounded like I put them in a room to cry until their 3 hours were up! I certainly dont, but I do have to stick to a vague routine otherwise id go insane!!

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• unhappy_EX_user

  Nov 15, 2009 12:33PM

  Hi all, thank you for your replies, sorry I didn't reply sooner, had the in laws here for the weekend urgh!
  
  I definately didn't mean to imply demand feeding creates fussy eaters later on, I really don't think thats the case, just in my friends case thats what happened because she never changed that pattern when he started solids and let him eat little and often so he never learned to actually sit down and eat a meal.
  
  It is really interesting that there is a difference in opinion from your replies.
  
  I wouldn't leave them to scream until it was their set meal time according to my routine, I just wondered if there was a way to and people had successfully managed to gradually space their meals out to get into a flexible routine and it seems the general sense of opinion that you can but not with a newborn, thats good enough for me!! I think I will try to implement some kind of very flexible routine when I get some idea of roughly when they feed on an average day.
  
  Gem I think you are amazing managing to feed the boys the way you have and I don't think a single person will have anything but admiration for you. Obviously you can't be a slave to their demands because it's not possible to do that for 2, sometimes they have no choice but to be patient (not that I am suggesting that people with 1 are a slave to their childrens demands!!)
  
  I am waffling and talking crap now so gonna stop talking lol!

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• Ames123

  Nov 15, 2009 3:20PM

  I felt the same as you Miss Impatient, and was lucky in that Phoebe (now 5 months) after the first 8 weeks sort of fell into the GF routine,and feeds roughly 4 hourly except in the night (last feed 10pm,always wakes about 5/5.30 then goes to 10.30am). I sometimes do try and distract her a little to get her to go a bit longer which is fairly easily done, obv I never let her get distressed though. I have a space between 1.30/2pm - 5pm when I make any appointments I need to go to, and obviously when I'm at parents' or friends houses I can just feed her there. I haven't gone much further afield but that's mainly due to there not being many breastfeeding friendly places in my nearest towns plus I've had some physical probs since the pregnancy/birth anyway, I'm lucky people tend to come to me!!
  
  I do think it's important to get baby to take a bottle of expressed milk quite early on, so that they can be left with grandparents/their dad etc, so you can get a break. x
  
  PS Lol re your in-laws!!
  
  Gemmiebaby you are doing AMAZINGLY!! x

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• mummyGG

  Nov 15, 2009 5:34PM

  Hi there, not sure if breast feeding NOT on demand will work. It wouldnt for me anyway. My bubba dictates what she wants when she wants....BUT since 4 weeks she has been in a routine that she has dictated. She feeds every two hours on the dot, so I know that when I am out and it is coming up to the 2 hour point - i need to find a chair to feed...(before lo asks for breast milk, so that I am ready ).
  
  I am not expressing - and I am not even interested in expressing tbh...I dont want to leave my baby....I actually miss her when hubby takes her for walk in pram. We are all different though.
  
  I dont really agree with yr theory on yr friends lo. My sisters (they have 3 kids each) have bfeed exclusively with all children until just over a yr with each, and they are all amazing eaters. I just think yr friends lo isnt a great eater - it happens!
  
  If you are thinking about all this in so much detail now - maybe breast wont work for you....you really need to go with the flow when breast feeding.
  
  Good luck x

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• gemmiebaby

  Nov 16, 2009 11:08AM

  MKB - I have to disagree slightly (I dont do this often so dont shout at me! lol!) but I think its important to think about this carefully. If I didnt have a rough routine, id go mad. I have had days where I have had both boys 'attached' to me ALL day, and it has actually been quite distressing, for them and me. If the boys 'snack', I find doing simple things such as eating and drinking difficult, and it also means that I have to put up with one screaming while the other feeds, I end up never finishing a feed with either one properly and the cycle continues. This also means that I have had days where I have tried to feed exclusively on demand and have ended up feeling so unhappy by the end of the day because I dont feel like ive been able to enjoy either of them.
  
  Thats not to say 1 would be different, of course it would, but I do still think that a rough routine works for some people.
  
  Hope I havent offended but I dont believe in agreeing with everyone for agreeings sake - life would be very boring! lol!
  
  Gemma, Ryan and Alfie (6 weeks)

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