Forum home Babies Breast & bottle feeding

Don't know what to do

Hi ladies

Sorry if this is long and rambling, I'm just typing as it comes out as I really don't know what to do. (it does relate to BF'ing in the end I promise!)

Some of you will know that I haven't been feeling well for about 4 months now and it seems to be getting worse. I've had lots of blood tests done and everything has come back clear, then one Dr thought it was PND and put me on Anti-depressants but I had a very bad reaction to them so had to come off them but then a different Dr said that there's no way I'm depressed and that's why I had that reaction to the ADs.

There isn't a day goes by that I don't feel ill and it's really getting to me. I've tried going on the pill to help my hormones (Drs said it might or might not but was worth a try) but all it seems to have done is make my periods even longer and heavier. I've currently trying some medications to help my stomach problems but I don't think that's going to help the other stuff...exhaustion, dizziness, anxiety etc.

I've suffered from episodes of depression in the past and this really doesn't feel like depression. I do get down but that's because I'm so sick of feeling physically ill every flipping day! I get so frustrated because I'm tryng to do all these lovely things with my daughter and I just feel so ill that I can't enjoy anything because I feel so ill.

I recognise that SOME of it is down to anxiety but it's difficult to see where the physical stuff is just that and where it's secondary to my anxiety. And I don't even really know why I'm so anxious. We did suffer 3 mc's before having our daughter and I've been through some bad stuff in the past and I'm not sure if it's just all coming out now I've given birth or is my partly hormonal.

For the last couple of months everyone (Drs, friends, family etc) have been telling me to give up BF'ing as they think it's taking too much out of me and making me even more exhausted. The problem is I have no reserves as I am very underweight and actually I know my feeling worse coincides exactly with my weight dropping but I've tried so hard to gain weight but it just won't go on and now over the last month or so I've completely lost my appetite, which makes it even more difficult.

So far I've ignored everyone and been stubborn and kept BF'ing. I always planned to continue until my daughter was about 2 (or if she weaned on to cows milk after 1 earlier than that) but now I just don't know. I feel like I've exhausted all over options and giving up BF'ing is the last thing that MIGHT help. But what if it doesn't? Nobody can guarentee me that it'll make me feel better and what if I give up and still feel this ill then I'll have given up for nothing. I LOVE BF'ing and am really proud of myself for still going (daughter is now 8 months) especially after a difficult start as she was premature and very small.

People have suggested that it might be the hormones from BF'ing making me feel ill but what if it's not?

I also know that if I give up BF'ing I could go back on the old anti-anxiety meds that really helped me after the 3rd mc. But I feel like this is failing our daughter just for my benefit.

I just feel so scared - scared of feeling like this forever and never being able to give our daughter the best, especially after going through so much to have her and scared of making decisions that I don't want to have to make and I don't have any clue whether they'll help or not.

I don't want to give up BF'ing but I don't know what else I can try. Some days I struggle with everyday things and looking after our daughter :cry: I feel like a useless mum and I feel so frustrated with life right now. She is so gorgeous and perfect and so well behaved and I feel like I'm failing her.

Sorry for such a long, down post :cry:

Replies

  • Big hugs to you hunny

    You have done an amazing job at BF DD for so long and have given her the best possible start in life. However you don't want to ruin that excellent start by not being able to play with her and look after her, especially now she is getting to the adorable stage where you can interact with her loads and get some wonderful, heartfelt responses from your DD.

    Only you can make the desicion hun but it might be the answer, especially as BF does take alot out of you both physically and emotionally x

  • Hello, I am really feeling for you, It sounds like you feel stuck and are not sure what direction to go. You have done a amazing job feeding your daughter for so long while feeling like you do everyday, many people would not have the determination to continue like you have.
    I do hope you find the answer and start feeling better, but feel it is something you have to decide yourself, although i think if I were in your shoes I might try cutting down on the bf and maybe just do the bedtime feed. This way you are still giving your daughter the best and the lovely closness but also giving yourself a chance to get stronger.
    I really hope you feel better soon.
    JJ XXXXX
  • J June - thats a really good idea. You don't have to stop completely NattyNik. You might even get the very best of both worlds. Starting to feel better and your health improving, while still giving DD one of her feeds so she still gets the best milk at least one of her feeds x
  • Hi NN, just saw your fb post so realised there was a prob. You have done a great job with your LO and done so well to reach 8 months. If it was me, i would be tempted to maybe cut to 1 bf per day and see how you go. Give it a couple of weeks and see how u feel. Got to be better than stopping altogether. If you do decide to stop at that time, then it will be less traumatic for you to only have 1 feed to drop. SHe will be getting a lot of her calories from her food now so it will maybe be easier on your body!!!

    What ever you do, it will be the right decision for you both!!

    Gemm x
  • How about going to talk to a professional councillor or someone. It all souns very linked up with your mental state and often one will effetc the other. If you really want to continue BFing, it might be worth a try. Ask your doc to refer you, if you find it difficult to find someone or they refuse to refer, email me and ill find you a contact.

    Good luck, and I hope things improve.

    Em x
  • Cant add any more advice as I think it's been well covered above but I do want to say that I think you've done amazing to bf as long as you have and whatever you decide I'm sure will be the right decision and you've given her such a good start that if you do stop to make yourself feel better you musn't feel guilty as there is a lot of truth I think in the mantra happy mummy=happy baby.

    Good luck
  • Oh NN, you poor thing. As others have said, you have done so well BF for this long and have given her such a fantastic start. I think you should be especially proud for keeping up BF whilst you are feeling so terrible (I know when I was poorly for a couple of days I found it such hard work!).
    Only you can make the choice about what to do, but I can understand why it is such a hard one for you. Bhowever I would like to say that if you choose to stop BF you are NOT failing her. You sound like you are a fantastic mum and have always put her first, and just because you have to give her formula it does not mean you have failed. You have to think of yourself as well and make sure that you are feeling well, as other have said if you feel better and therefore happier, then that will be good for your little girl as well. Perhaps you could try cutting down a BF at a time and see if it starts to help, and mix feed.
    I really hope you start to feel a bit better soon and are able to decide what to do.
    xxx
Sign In or Register to comment.

Featured Discussions