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Desperate Breastfeeding advice needed

hi everyone

I’m new here please bare with me hope I don’t do anything wrong. 

My son is just over three weeks old. He’s been breastfed since birth. Its been a difficult road. He was eventually diagnosed with posterior tongue tie, it was very very tight. 

He had the procedure 3 days ago And I’m yet to notice any significant changes But I expect it takes time.

He’s had amazing weight gain To say his tongue tie was so bad, he’s gained around an oz a day. 

But the severity of his feeds is driving me crazy, no exaggeration that I feed morning through to night none stop. He feeds for around 15-20 minutes every time without fail, i put him down as he falls asleep at the breast and as soon as I put him down within minutes he’s awake again. This has been constant for around two weeks now and it is not a growth spurt, it has never ended. 

Stupidly  tried to top him with formula today just in a desperate attempt for him to actually have a day sleep so I can stop feeling so lazy and do some house work.

As soon as he finished the bottle he was wanting to feed from me again straight away. I’m just so tired And fed up. I’d feel guilty to give in but I don’t know what else to do. 

i Have tried a dummy tonight, he seems happy with it, not screaming or pushing it out, but If i were to take it out he would give me feeding ques, the feeding ques never stop, it’s as though it’s all he knows. But I don’t feel all feeding ques are genuine but health visitor said a baby would not give ques without being hungry so now I feel giving him a dummy is wrong.

please help me. 

Replies

  • I was told to feed on demand. The clinic/ doctor/health visitor will let you know if your over feeding, if you are willing to not breastfeed for 24 hours..  maybe try a whole day with bottles, formula or breast milk. To see how much he is taking a 3-4 week old should be eating no more than 14 oz a day. If it more than that maybe he is a hungry baby, not sure what they do with breast fed babies, probably change diet.. but they maybe recomend supplementing with hungry baby milk I hope this helps.

  • Have you tried expressing and giving to him in a bottle? That way you can see how much he is taking.   Do you feel he is actually feeding successfully each time?  We have lactation clinics in our area which are super helpful, not sure if you have them where you are? I found the health visitor crap.  Also you could try speaking to La Lecue League, they have support groups and can do phone calls I believe.  I also hear there are support groups on Facebook if you use that. 

    My baby also has a tongue tie, in My area we have to travel to London for the surgery, which I didn’t bother doing as she was latching on ok. 

    My baby is 10 weeks old and exclusively breast fed, the first 5 weeks were super hard and there were a lot of times where I was ready to throw in the towel, but I kept going and am so glad I have.  Now I do not express at all, and she feeds every 1.5-2.5 hours during the day and goes 5+ hours at night.  It does get easier I promise. 

    Good luck 😁

  • Thanks Mrs fish

    i have another son who is seven and just feel like he doesn’t get a look in any more and it’s making me feel terrible but can’t stand The thought of giving in even though I do feel It might be best at times. 

    I have had his tongue tie done and Although it does seem he’s feeding better hes still so unsettled all day. 

    I would like to try and express but due to him never giving me a break I’m not sure how I would do that as I know they recommend waiting at least half an hour after a feed to pump And half an hour before he feeds and he isn’t giving me that time at any time in the day. 

    I received help from midwives, health visitor, A breast feeding specialist And a breast feeding group, the specialist found the tongue tie and apart from that nothing has been any help. 

  • You could try Feeding from one and express from the other? Then use the express on the nx feed - I feel for you, it is really tough at the beginning!

    I have had to give up dairy as she is intolerant, I don’t think i have ever been so dedicated to any single one thing for a very long time if ever!! 

    Also consider a bit of mixed feeding then OH can help and you can spend a bit of time with yoir other child - we mixed at the beginning and had 2 days where she completely refused to take from me, I was sobbing my heart out as she was screaming at my breast and then guzzled a bottle - hugs 🤗 xx

  • Thank you for being so helpful I’m sorry to bombard you with questions but I haven’t got anyone else that breast Feeds and any support services we have haven’t been very supportive haha. 

    when you did combination feeding Did you do odd day here and there or set days? set times Or random? Did it affect your milk in anyway? 

    My son cluster feeds oN top of his horrific day schedule, he basically cluster feeds all day but not as intense as evening. Did your baby do this? We go on holiday in a month or so and there’s no way can I sit in for a week in The evenings to cluster feed, wondering if there’s a way aroubd it without causing upset to my milk supply?

    thanks again it really is appreciated. It’s nice not to feel so alone :-) xx

  • You're Welcome - I understand how hard it is to get real practical advice without either the pro breast feeders who feel top ups are a disaster or those who feel you should just give up with breast feeding and turn to formula.  

    We had the opposite problem to you - my bubba was Prem and Uninterested in feeding, we had to force milk into her.  I didn’t want to give formula but was told in no uncertain terms that if I didn’t she would be tubed and fed into her tummy 😔

    I would say offer baby the breast and then top up with formula if he is not full.  I would space it out, so even if he is rooting, make him wait for an hour, cuddle him, sing to him, let him suck in your finger etc, but do get the gap between feeds to give your milk time to replenish.  Erhaps offer him 30-60mls on top, too see how much he wants.  Once his tummy is full, he Will be able to wait a bit longer for his next feed 🤞 giving you chance to recoup. 

    I am sure things will have settled down by the time you go away, we feed 1.5+ hours during the day, less in morning and more in evening.  Last night she was only going an hour between feeds and wanting more again.  I think she is just stocking up to give her the 5+ hours sleep, she only has a small slurp during the night and then back down for another 3 hours, and then back down again! 

    I think there are a few natural breastfeeding mummies and babies, the rest of us find it super hard!! Depending how important it is to you, you stick with it or turn to formuLa.  Each mummy has to do what is right for her and baby.  I felt like a complete failure initially, it was super tough and every day I wanted to give up - but I persevered, it took a few weeks but it all clicked into place eventually - up until 1 week ago i was still topping up with bottles at bed time - she just stopped taking them herself, finally I felt my body was doing what it was designed to do 😁 

    Be proud of yourself, it is tough xx 

  • You should be able to google how much formula he needs for his weight/age to give you an idea what to give to him.  Good luck, let me know how you get on xx

  • Hi, I formula fed my oldest (now 5) and was determined to feed my youngest myself. Like you said, the first few weeks were hellish to say the least (and that was without TT). Between cracked nipples, poor latch etc it wasn’t much fun. I persevered and things did improve. I would say for the first month or so babies do feed more or less non Stop from the breast. They feed more in the lead up to the next growth spurt to encourage more milk production and they use you for comfort. try To express and leave The bottle sitting so it ‘splits’ this should let you see if you are producing enough hind milk. The hind milk is the part that fills them for longer but sometimes they just aren’t getting enough of this, especially if he was TT. Sorry if this if all things you already know! I can also relate to the part about your oldest not getting a look in, breast feeding really affected my relationship with my older daughter and although I stopped breast feeding just before 6m I still feel we are working at it. She is quite sensitive and couldn’t understand why this new little person had taken her mummy lol. I always tried to make sure I spent time alone with her, even if it was just her bath and book before bed. 

    I don’t think the books etc give it enough credit as to how hard breastfeeding actually is! It’s not always as ‘natural‘ as They try make us believe but I can say I’m glad I done it.

    good luck x

  • Hi, I would like to say congrats on your journey so far. I am still breastfeeding my 6.5-month-old and I breastfeed my 2 yrs old boy until he was 14 months.

    Breastfeeding isn't easy and it can often feel like your forever attached. This doesn't mean they are not getting enough especially if he is gaining weight and not dropping centiles.

    My first experience wasn't great due to the poor latch very sore nipple and tongue tie. The main issue with tongue tie is that they often don't feed properly can't empty the breast this then has a negative impact on breast supply. He has his TT snipped at 4.5 weeks took weeks to notice any difference often wondered if it had reattached but it got better.

    The fact that he is feeding loads means he is doing just that boosting your milk supply. I would ensure that you are well hydrated, getting enough rest and calorie. I appreciate it is difficult when you have another child.

    I also agree with above if you cannot continue to preserve and cannot pump to help with boosting supply (power pumping) then you can consider formula top ups (do whatever is best for your family). This may affect your supply, because of the tongue tie he had, You can counteract this by expressing while someone else feeds if possible. If you're not able to express and keen on continuing with your breastfeeding journey then breastfeed on demand much easier, can use a sling or baby carrier. Sometimes the need to suck isn't just hunger, we learnt that my first son had milk protein intolerance but prior to that was almost labelled a hungry baby. He would gulp down whatever we gave him.  We hear a lot of this and not sure where this came from but pls do not express to see how much baby is getting as this is not an accurate measure of what he is getting plus the amount of breast milk he needs will be different from formula.

    Some useful tips for frequent nursing https://kellymom.com/hot-topics/frequent-nursing/. They also have information on how much milk to feed a breastfed baby. 

    For older children, I learnt a trick from a friend who has 3 kids, while she is feeding she is either reading to the other kids or chatting about what they had done or about to do. I tried this with my 2 yrs old and it worked . 

    I hope you find a pattern that works for you and maximise whatever help you can get.

  • Heyah hun.. i feel ur pain! My son now 7 month.. i fed hi. Every 2 hrs.. one boob then other, could take up2 hour and half because of snoozing on the boob!?! 

    Due to heavy weight lose.. and in practicallity of manually excpessing and feeding with a spoon on advice of health visitor....

    I began expressing and bottle feeding and breast feeding my boy.... still lenghth of feed stayed the same

    He would feed off both boobs for hour, id manage to express 3/4 ounce which he would guzzle then happily go back to boob.

    U need to remember baby want to suck nipple for reassurance aswell as for comfort and food.

    Bugger ur housework and all rest of it.. you sleep when baby does and u only do what can.. life will get better soon.. when u start solids u will miss the easy life haha

    Aslong as baby sleeps they r feeding enough, all babies need different amount of comfort, also they can b reacting to youre distress because tired and worrying about housework 

    X

  • DO NOT USE HU.GRY BABY MILK FORMULAE?!?!??!?!

    anyone who struggles to breast feed or amount baby wants and decided to combi-feed breast and formula(i did this from 3month for some freedom of life and so baby could go to gran overnight)

    USE REGULARE FROM BIRTH FORMULAE

    this already contains up2 50 more properties than breast alone. 

    I gave my son hungry baby at start as family bought4 me as was struggling. He farted powder for2 weeks was very constipated and windy.

    Health advisor told me to use regular and life has been peachy.

    At 7month on formula alone as i dried up due to sickness bug..started with aptamil, i now use aldi mamia.. i taste a sweetness difference a feel aptamil is like pure sugar compared. My boy hapilly takes mamia.. though i did change over gradually over a month to make sure no bowel issues 

    X

  • Hey soz to re post again... totall shite about when to express.. everywoman different. My boy was on one boob i pumped other.. then swapped. Only way i could get it sd9ne as he gave me no peace. U will look a sight but hey it does the job. As for ur 7year old.. bring him into the activity.  

    Ask him to sit and tell babie stories or fetch things for you.. aslong as hes included all should b well.. im a big believer in explaining breast feeding to kids and leting them see what ur doing. Ur just feeding the baby.

    Appologies for all typos.

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