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Is this what aversion feels like? - confused & struggling
jadelouise2001
Regular
First time Mum, 27 and I'm coming up to 6 months of breastfeeding my son. Despite the title of this post I know it's the best decsion I've ever made. It wasn't an easy beginning after about a month and up until a couple of weeks ago I thought all the determination had been worth it. About 3 weeks ago I started with a vague (initially) feeling of irritation immediately prior to feeding and more recently a can't-quite-put-my-finger-on-it feeling of being 'used'. It feels ridiculous to use that word. It's not what I 'think' but it's what I 'feel' and I feel so guilty I can't stand it. I'm overwhelmed and confused as to why this is happenning now when it's never been 'easier' or felt more natural in every practical sense. I'm hesitating to include it here but it feels dishonest not to when I'm looking for advice/reassurance so I will. In the time between struggling in the early days and all theses feelings now, there have been some times during feeds when the feeeling of being content and at peace has been accompanied by a feeling of physical pleasure (putting it as bluntlyas I can) which has triggered some really confused/conficting/guilty feelings. I don't know if this is what's triggering the recent irritated/violated feelings now or if it's a totally separate thing. I could go on for ages trying to describe all this better but I don't want to just go on about how I feel like I'm failing at this all over again. I've done my best and any positive/constructive replies on how to make sense of this would really be appreciated.
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