Well I start back at work 2 weeks on Monday. I'm going back 3.5days a week, much to my employers disgust. My flexible working request was denied and I'm only getting reduced hours until I cna arrange additional childcare. Anyway, for the last few days I've been teary and feeling physically sick at the thought of work. yes, it's partly cos I'm levaing Archie with a childminder and I'll miss him. But mainly cos I know I'm a good mum, I'm good at it and I know I could be even better if I didn't have to go to work. I feel guilty I guess. Guilty that I'm going to work and not being a stay at home mum. There's no question of me not going, my salary is the main one between hubby and I so I have to go. I also work for HBOS and since my maternity leave so much has changed. I've been moved into a different job due to restructure. Llyods takeover. Credit crunch stuff. Aargh I'm honestly dreading it. Anyway, not really sure why I'm posting, just getting it off my chest I think. Not sure hubby understands. Sorry for the moan, I know I'm not the only working mum and it's not all about me !! S x
Oh my goodness I can so relate to all you're saying!! I go back for 3 days a week in June but have a few days here and there to get back into the groove as it were! First one on Tuesday.
We're in the same boat we couldn't afford the bills if I didn't go back to work so when I'm feeling strong I tell myself I'm doing this for Alfie. I know he'll love nursery and being with other lo's and I'm sure I'll like more adult company. Also he wouldn't be able to have certain things if I didn't work. But saying all that I mostly feel sick with guilt. I do feel on the whole I'm a pretty good Mummy and I love it. Never been happier or so knackered! I just keep buying the Lotto tickets in the hope! I agree about the changes within in your job.Someone has had my class since Sept and behaviour polices have changed and I feel sick when I think about how the hell I'll fit back in. My hubby is cross with himself that he doesn't earn enough so I can stay at home so we don't often talk about it which in turn doesn't help! You are so allowed a moan hun that's what the brilliant BE is for. Am often about for a natter if you want to, mind it's getting trickier at the moment but that's another long story! Take care, Bxx
Aw Suz ((hug)) you know I know how you feel - I was lucky I think to get an 80% fte reduction since the financial sector is so rubbish at the moment.
like mum to 1 said, in my stronger moments I try and rationalise that as my salary is also the main one (even on reduced hrs - where the hell is my sugar daddy?!) Harry will benefit in the long run. However I am also struggling to not argue myself in a tearful circle with my real thought that I feel like I am recently getting on fantastically with looking after Harry, almost as though now he is that bit older and more responsive we have such a great time together that surely nobody else could be better for him than me.
I am trying hard not to be resentful of OH but am finding it VERY hard as he does not seem too bothered that I have to go back to work when I would much rather carry on as I am with my lovely little routine bringing Harry out to places and caring for him 99% myself (he has never been hands on). His main concern seems to be that we have enough money not to have to cut back on things too much, never mind that I feel sick at the thought of leaving my son after 8 months of being virtually his sole carer.
Hmm, not sure that is particularly helpful as I feel very much the same, but maybe to know you're not the only one feeling the way you do might help a little.
When it looked as though I would have to either return full time or find another job, I did look into holiday allowances. How many days do you get per year? If its anything like ours we get 30 days plus bank holidays, although you must have a consecutive fortnight off at one point in the year. It was almost possible to take, say, every 2nd Wednesday as holiday allowance and make yourself 'part time' in that way, may work even better by taking a Monday as bank hols would give more time off without dipping into allowance if you see what I mean. Might be something worth considering.
In the meantime, remember that Archie loves you unconditionally, whether you are there all day every day or not you are his Mommy and nobody can replace that in his affections.
Clare xx
[Modified by: Pickle82 on April 18, 2009 12:42 AM]
Thanks girls. I know I'm not the only one and it's so good to be reasurred of that. Mind you I'd still cried by 8.30 this morn as Archie and I were giggling and I knew I won't have that morning time with him every day once back at work.
Clare - you've it the nail on the head when you say that you and Harry are having such a good time just now. That's exactly how it is at home. Archie and I are having such fun I'm just really annoyed that I have to pay someone else to have those times with him. Also I think Hubby is looking forward to me going back to work. A few reasons, I won't be lounging around playing games all day, he will actually spend more time with Archie and I won't be primary carer and the biggie.... we'll have mroe money. I do have pretty good holidays so when I have to start my half day option (instead of a full day off a week) then I'll use holidays to take a half day off and I'll only work a 4 day wk after all. It will probably be worse for work and I'm hoping they'll realise that and back down and give me my original request. 2 weeks today will W day. Aargh. Off to the swings to make myself feel better. Suz x
Replies
Anyway, for the last few days I've been teary and feeling physically sick at the thought of work. yes, it's partly cos I'm levaing Archie with a childminder and I'll miss him. But mainly cos I know I'm a good mum, I'm good at it and I know I could be even better if I didn't have to go to work. I feel guilty I guess. Guilty that I'm going to work and not being a stay at home mum. There's no question of me not going, my salary is the main one between hubby and I so I have to go.
I also work for HBOS and since my maternity leave so much has changed. I've been moved into a different job due to restructure. Llyods takeover. Credit crunch stuff. Aargh I'm honestly dreading it.
Anyway, not really sure why I'm posting, just getting it off my chest I think. Not sure hubby understands. Sorry for the moan, I know I'm not the only working mum and it's not all about me !! S x
I go back for 3 days a week in June but have a few days here and there to get back into the groove as it were! First one on Tuesday.
We're in the same boat we couldn't afford the bills if I didn't go back to work so when I'm feeling strong I tell myself I'm doing this for Alfie. I know he'll love nursery and being with other lo's and I'm sure I'll like more adult company. Also he wouldn't be able to have certain things if I didn't work.
But saying all that I mostly feel sick with guilt. I do feel on the whole I'm a pretty good Mummy and I love it. Never been happier or so knackered! I just keep buying the Lotto tickets in the hope!
I agree about the changes within in your job.Someone has had my class since Sept and behaviour polices have changed and I feel sick when I think about how the hell I'll fit back in.
My hubby is cross with himself that he doesn't earn enough so I can stay at home so we don't often talk about it which in turn doesn't help!
You are so allowed a moan hun that's what the brilliant BE is for.
Am often about for a natter if you want to, mind it's getting trickier at the moment but that's another long story!
Take care,
Bxx
like mum to 1 said, in my stronger moments I try and rationalise that as my salary is also the main one (even on reduced hrs - where the hell is my sugar daddy?!) Harry will benefit in the long run. However I am also struggling to not argue myself in a tearful circle with my real thought that I feel like I am recently getting on fantastically with looking after Harry, almost as though now he is that bit older and more responsive we have such a great time together that surely nobody else could be better for him than me.
I am trying hard not to be resentful of OH but am finding it VERY hard as he does not seem too bothered that I have to go back to work when I would much rather carry on as I am with my lovely little routine bringing Harry out to places and caring for him 99% myself (he has never been hands on). His main concern seems to be that we have enough money not to have to cut back on things too much, never mind that I feel sick at the thought of leaving my son after 8 months of being virtually his sole carer.
Hmm, not sure that is particularly helpful as I feel very much the same, but maybe to know you're not the only one feeling the way you do might help a little.
When it looked as though I would have to either return full time or find another job, I did look into holiday allowances. How many days do you get per year? If its anything like ours we get 30 days plus bank holidays, although you must have a consecutive fortnight off at one point in the year. It was almost possible to take, say, every 2nd Wednesday as holiday allowance and make yourself 'part time' in that way, may work even better by taking a Monday as bank hols would give more time off without dipping into allowance if you see what I mean. Might be something worth considering.
In the meantime, remember that Archie loves you unconditionally, whether you are there all day every day or not you are his Mommy and nobody can replace that in his affections.
Clare xx
[Modified by: Pickle82 on April 18, 2009 12:42 AM]
Clare - you've it the nail on the head when you say that you and Harry are having such a good time just now. That's exactly how it is at home. Archie and I are having such fun I'm just really annoyed that I have to pay someone else to have those times with him.
Also I think Hubby is looking forward to me going back to work. A few reasons, I won't be lounging around playing games all day, he will actually spend more time with Archie and I won't be primary carer and the biggie.... we'll have mroe money.
I do have pretty good holidays so when I have to start my half day option (instead of a full day off a week) then I'll use holidays to take a half day off and I'll only work a 4 day wk after all. It will probably be worse for work and I'm hoping they'll realise that and back down and give me my original request.
2 weeks today will W day. Aargh. Off to the swings to make myself feel better. Suz x