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Just need to talk this out

You may remember when we had to have our CVS for my current pregnancy me mentioning my son's learning difficulties. Well after his evaluation a few months ago from the school psychologist I finally had enough evidence to back me up about his problems with behaviour and learning for me to get a refferal to a pediatrician. Its like the thing I have been waiting for and the thing I most dreaded both happening at once. I am happy we will finally after over 4 years with him get a clear diagnosis but I am so afraid of what that diagnosis will be, he is my baby and we have a very close relationship its extreamly hard for me to face that there is a problem even though I know facing it will help him and me. I have put up with so much with him over the years it has had me nearly out of my mind so you can imagine I feel really stupid for not being able to cope with this and maybe its me being preggers thats making me a bit more sensitive to it. I don't know why I would rather put up with what its like now than know what is causing it. I think I am afraid of it being autism even though I know that it wont be so bad I have met a few kids with autism and I doubt it is very severe if he does have it but still there is this irrational fear I have of knowing. Love is a strange thing that I am certain of. I will update this after the appointment and elt you all know what we find out and I will probably feel better by then. I just needed to say what I was thinking somewhere where everyone might understand how I feel.

I just hope we get some support and maybe a diagnosis will help us have access to some groups where Elijah can go and be with kids who are just like him so he can get some understanding and some people to play with because Kindergarten is not working out so well in that way.


  • Hi, I do remember you mentioning about your sons learning difficulties, you are not being silly and its totally understandable that you are afraid it is almost as if not having the appointment will make it all be alright. I am going through a similar thing with Isaac at the moment, you may or may not remeber that he has problems with his joints and at his last paediatric appointment he was showing signs of muscle weakness too, so much so that the padiatrician tested him for muscular dystrophy, obviously it is a relief that he doesnt have that. However the paediatrician has been back intouch today and I was all ready to tell him that I would be happy to just leave him a while to see how he develops when he started saying about further tests/investigations he would like to do. Like you I know it will be for the best but I am just so afraid of what these tests will show up.

    I think at the end of the day what we need to stay focussed on is that these are our children and we love them with all our hearts, so having a diagnosis or a name for whatever condition they have doesnt change that or them. They are still the same child tomorrow as they are today. Hope that makes sense I am a bit rubbish at getting out what I mean to say.

    Take care and hope all goes well at Elijah's appointment xxx
  • Yeah I get what you mean. I can't get into my pediatrician until bloody October can you believe it! Oh well he must be good if he is that booked out. I know it will all be ok because I love Elijah but I still am irrationally afriad.

    I also hope things turn out alright for your little one I think it will be alright if I just take it as it comes but I woke up really depressed this morning and I am wondering if this appointment is part of it.
  • i'm sure the appointment is probably part of it, when Isaac had his last appointment in June I was depressed for weeks before hand, the best way I can escribe how I felt is that I had a heavy heart, I'm not going to lie and say it got easier after the appointment as we still dont have any real answers, it is a case of more tests and more waiting and seeing how he develops, with time though you do learn to live with it and to a point forget about it, although there are time, like today when I took him to the park, that the difficulties he has become very apparant, I do try not to let it get me down though and focus on his positive points such as his gorgeous smile and fantastic personality. Hope it all goes ok for you xxx
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