2nd miscarriage heartbreak
I'm just looking for people to talk to really, who might understand my circumstances more than the people around me.
Sadly I have suffered two m/c now, the last one being only very recently... (Two weeks ago)
I was expecting twins, & I was so thrilled. I heard the amazing news that there were two heartbeats at my 6 weeks ultra sound scan, & that they were identical!!
After suffering a chemical pregnancy two years earlier, I was terrified that something would go wrong, and I made sure to follow all the correct precaution- to give myself the best chance. I cut out cafeine & alcohol, stopped smoking (which I only did occasionally) I took my pregnancy vitamins & tried to gIve myself plenty of rest. I was a nervous wreak! But after hearing that there were two heartbeats at 6w, & reading my chances of Succes had increased to around 90%- I felt like luck was on my side.
For the whole eight weeks of my pregnancy, I lived and breathed being a mum. It was all I thought about constantly. I planned for my future, I couldn't believe how happy I was, and that things finally seemed to be working out for me.... I was blessed with two- which made things even more special and unique!
Being a mum has always been my dream & my news was keeping me going and giving me hope and excitement for the future. I felt like I finally had a special purpose. & my parents were ecstatic for me.
Things suddenly changed shortly after my 6 weeks scan...
A few days later, I remember waking up one morning & automatically thinking something just wasn't right. I just did not feel pregnant anymore. The morning sickness, that I had began to experience had gone, my breast tenderness had weakened, & suddenly I wasn't needing to pee as much.
I voiced my concerns to my family, but of course, they tried to reassure me, telling me a lot of people don't even know that they are pregnant at this early stage.
I nervously waited for my eight week scan, and took my mum along with me for extra support. She held my hand & I will never forget hearing the words ' I am so sorry', from the nurse.
My babies were gone, and for whatever reason sometime after the 6 week point, their tiny hearts just stopped beating & they hadn't grown much since that last scan.
My life has been a mixed up blur since that point. I sadly suffered a 'missed miscarriage', even though my instincts told me something was wrong , I had not passed any blood or tissue, or suffered any worrying stomach cramps. My babies & their sack were still all in tact.. But had just stopped progressing.
Four weeks later, after numerous hospital visits, I finally passed the sack with my tiny babies inside, and it broke my heart.
I chose to try & do it naturally, but did eventually opt for medical assistance, to speed the process on.
I just can't help but feel so angry, so frustrated and that life is so unfair.
Only 2% of women go on to have a second miscarriage, 90% of pregnancies are successful after a fetal heartbeat is found....
Where is the closure when you hear Of these kinds of statistics?
I have pushed for tests & im booked in to see a gynochologist in six weeks time.
Has anyone been in my position and can advise me on which tests i need to push for?
My emotonal wellbeing is so fragile right now. I feel so lost. One minute I'm getting on with things & the next, I'm balling my eyes out. I'm mourning for the life I had planned & its hard for others to understand.
I cannot bare the
'oh well it just wasn't meant to be' comments
& the ...
'it wasn't your time'
YES IT WAS MEANT TO BE & YES IT WAS MY TIME.
any advise from women in my position would be much appreciated