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2nd miscarriage heartbreak

Hello,

I'm just looking for people to talk to really, who might understand my circumstances more than the people around me. 

Sadly I have suffered two m/c now, the last one being only very recently... (Two weeks ago)

I was expecting twins, & I was so thrilled. I heard the amazing news that there were two heartbeats at my 6 weeks ultra sound scan,  & that they were identical!!

After suffering a chemical pregnancy two years earlier, I was terrified that something would go wrong, and I made sure to follow all the correct precaution- to give myself the best chance. I cut out cafeine & alcohol, stopped smoking (which I only did occasionally) I took my pregnancy vitamins & tried to gIve myself plenty of rest. I was a nervous wreak! But after hearing that there were two heartbeats  at 6w, & reading  my chances of Succes had increased to around  90%- I felt like luck was on my side. 

For the whole eight weeks of my pregnancy, I lived and breathed  being a mum. It was all I thought about constantly. I planned for my future, I couldn't believe how happy I was, and that things finally seemed to be working out for me.... I was blessed with two- which made things even more special and unique! 

Being a mum has always been my dream & my news was keeping me going and giving me hope and excitement for the future. I felt like I finally had a special purpose. & my parents were ecstatic for me. 

Things suddenly changed shortly after my 6 weeks scan... 

A few days later,  I remember waking up one morning & automatically thinking something just wasn't right. I just did not feel pregnant anymore. The morning sickness, that  I had began to experience had gone, my breast tenderness had weakened,  & suddenly I wasn't needing to pee as much. 

I voiced my concerns to my family, but of course, they tried to reassure me, telling me a lot of people don't even know that they are pregnant at this early stage. 

I nervously waited for my eight week scan, and took my mum along with me for extra support. She held my hand & I will never forget hearing the words ' I am so sorry', from the nurse. 

My babies were gone, and for whatever reason sometime after the 6 week point, their tiny hearts just stopped beating & they hadn't grown much since that last scan. 

My life has been a mixed up blur since that point. I sadly suffered a 'missed miscarriage', even though my instincts told me something was wrong , I had not passed any blood or tissue, or suffered any worrying stomach cramps. My babies & their sack were still all in tact.. But had just stopped progressing.

Four weeks later, after numerous hospital visits, I finally passed the sack with my tiny babies inside, and it broke my heart. 

I chose to try & do it naturally, but did eventually opt for medical assistance, to speed the process on. 

I just can't help but feel so angry, so frustrated and that life is so unfair. 

Only 2% of women go on to have a second miscarriage, 90% of pregnancies are successful after a fetal heartbeat is found.... 

Where is the closure when you hear Of these kinds of statistics? 

I have pushed for tests & im booked in to see a gynochologist in six weeks time.

Has anyone been in my position and can advise me on which tests i need to push for? 

My emotonal wellbeing is so fragile right now. I feel so lost. One minute I'm getting on with things & the next, I'm balling my eyes out. I'm mourning for the life I had planned & its hard for others to understand.

I cannot bare the

'oh well it just wasn't meant to be' comments 

& the ...

'it wasn't your time' 

YES IT WAS MEANT TO BE & YES IT WAS MY TIME. 

any advise from women in my position would be much appreciated

Thankyou

simone X 

Replies

  • I so wish I could offer words of wisdom but I have never been in your position. The 'age' of the foetus is not the point, you are still entitled to grieve the loss of two lives. Grief is a process though and it does improve, I can't tell you how long but I know that it does. Anger is part of that process but I guess if it was me I would try and trust in fate that the intervention of taking those lives away was meant to be and that your next pregnancy will be the healthiest and happiest of all. So hard to even consider that as possible right now I guess but try and love your body, not hate it. Wishing you lots of love and luck.x

  • That's heartbreaking. I had a miscarriage only on Saturday At 6 weeks. It's unbearable, and like you say it was of course your time. I wanted that child, not another, THAT one. It's like all the hopes and reams you have for it are gone. Never give up though. I know how hard it is, we are all different. We are going to try again, by you'll always hold your babes close to your heart. We are having our little one cremated and placing the ashes w my dads grave. Our coco-bean will never be forgotten, as will you never forget. X

  • Hi. I am very sorry for all your losses Ladies :(

    Angel twins. Do you have a partner? Or is it just your parents? Maybe some type of counselling will help you deal with the pain ? It sounds off and maybe you are not up for it, but trust me it might be a big help. 

  • Hello Angel Twins,

    Have you been offered any form of help, emotionally? 

    i'm the first to get upset or angry hearing the default statistics & cliche answers 'it's very common' and 'you're not alone' as they don't stop the pain, but the more comments I read, we really are not alone. It doesn't make much difference but a lot of people sadly know exactly how you feel, including me.

    I too am suffering from my second miscarriage and want to know what tests to push for.

    Not sure what good my story/view will have but hope it may help someone hurting:-

    After finding out I was pregnant this September I was scared to be happy. My first pregnancy took a year (so felt like a miracle) despite professionals telling you a year is 'normal' and can take much longer still for healthy couples, it still feels like a lifetime of waiting. I started bleeding at 6+ weeks, hardly any pain but eventually passed everything at home. I suppose I was lucky not to need an operation, but didn't feel it at the time.

    I was offered weekly blood tests to monitor HGC levels this time round, although terrified to find out anything bad, I thought it would be worse to discover a missed (silent) loss later down the line after hearing other people's sad stories, going 12 or more weeks unaware. So when I heard my levels had plateaued at 6+weeks, it hit me hard. The week before it had tripled & docs were pleased. 

    I spent any time I could relaxing, breathing, drinking plenty of water, 5 a day fruit & veg, no caffeine (incl coke & chocolate) I even got paranoid to have decaf tea!! 

    The day after I received not so promising HCG was my first ever midwife appointment. She was lovely & put both mine & my husbands mind at rest. I was 7 weeks & 2 days. My urine test came back fine (no protein) blood pressure slightly high (but put down to me being highly anxious) no abdominal pain or bleeding we went away exhausted but feeling better.

    Iv never experienced morning sickness, only full tender breasts. Before the midwife appointment they felt 'normal' again which added to the worry.

    Two days later (just a few days off 8 weeks), breast sore again though still anxious despite all my efforts not to be, I had slight twinges in my tummy but nothing painful. Later that evening I started to get a dull ache in my left shoulder & very slight, almost questionable bleeding (very pale brown)... I tried to ignore but worried it could be a sign of ectopic, I called 111 (out of hours doctors) & they referred to A&E. 

    I sat trying to be calm but scared if I was wasting medics time or if the worst was really happening. at that point I almost prayed for a 'normal miscarriage' at the panic of an operation, or more seriously rupture of tubes?! I couldn't risk never having children.

    Again, Reassured by a doctor that ectopic would be intense stomach pain, not just a dull ache she asked several questions and really seemed to care. We see so many different nurses, doctors, receptions during worrying times kindness really does go a long way - despite the outcome. She spent a good hour with me, talking through my concerns & understood this pregnancy with my previous miscarriage in mind would not be as enjoyable as others.

    Anyway long story short, she referred me to GAU the next morning, satisfied I wasn't in danger of ectopic - they reluctantly scanned me & fetus measured just 5-6weeks, but in the right place. No advice given other than sent on my way with a phone number and another scan booked - being 7 weeks + 6 days I had to work it out myself as they pretty much said nothing! Still not medically confirmed but with bleeding now red & heavier I sadly guess from previous.

    I hope you all have good support out there - even with the most caring, understanding husband I feel lost & alone. I wish every doctor or nurse we come across was as nice as the doctor in A&E. My advise would be to find a good one & only see them when it's not an emergency. Don't feel you are not important, however early on you are, you matter. 

    If anyone has had tests before making you wait for a 3rd miscarriage please let me know what I could ask for. 

    Sending hugs & strength to you all.

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