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Telling family

hey everyone

so hubby has low sperm counts and is on meds, is very probate and doesn't want to tell everyone what's going on but I'm the one getting the questions, and my twosome is always "we are working on it" but it's getting hatd to keep up the secrecy and he is totally against telling anyone because it's on his end that we are having trouble, i understand the bit to his msn hood and such but I have no outlet to talk about it and he doesn't like to bring it up, any one else in the same boat? Just Looking for advice, :)


  • So sorry for the bad spelling guys, having a rough day :(

  • I understand your frustration but i see this from his point of view he feels like its his fault and probably feels like less of a man . If it was something to do with your eggs you'd likely feel like him like less of a woman .. i hope i dont sound harsh im really not trying to be i just see that his ego is hurt and he feels embarrassed that people are gunna find out and like hes gunna be looked at like somethings wrong with him .. ask him if you can tell people that its not as easy as wanting a baby and it just magically happens on command and leave the conversation there . Its your private lives but i dont see why should others should know the ins and outs of you and your partners fertility . Sorry it was a long message and hope you dont think im being funny xx 

  • Thanks for the response, and I understand that his ego is bruised and I'm trying to be understanding, it's just hard with everyone asking me all the time, especially every time we see his sister she makes the comments, I say we are working on it with a smile and she always comes back with well not hard enough, it's just upsetting for me cause I'm the one who gets the questions not him and when I try to talk to him about having a better response while still being private he won't even discuss it so it's just hard cause I feel like I can't talk to anyone or just tell them something short and sweet so they will stop with the asking and comments, it's just hard for me but he doesn't see it that way it's only how he feels which I get but I feel like it's both of us not just him that should make the des about what we say/ dont day

  • I do understand and your sister is just excited but doesnt realise the pressure shes adding .. if it was me id lie and tell people that we're no longer trying an that your planning something like a holiday or paying for something this gets em off your back and relives some pressure .i do feel for you and him both but he's likely taking it very badly from what you've said to me . If you need an outlet vent on here probably better to tell a stranger with an unbiased opinion lol xx 

  • I think my DH wouldn't want anyone to know either but I 100% now where you are coming from with you getting all the questions. Is this a recent diagnosis for your DH? If so, he may feel more comfortable in time with telling people that you are having problems conceiving without going into the specifics. A compromise could be letting people know that you are seeking treatment and hopefully that will make them less likely to hassle you and more sensitive with their "helpful" suggestions. IMO his sister sounds like a tw*t. You might need to be more direct with her about how insensitive she is being.

    Whilst a low sperm count must be disappointing, take the positive that you have identified the issue and you can now take steps to work around it. Has your Dr suggested a treatment plan? There are ways to conceive with low sperm count and you will get there even if you aren't able to take the easiest route. In the meantime, keep trying as it does only take one!!

    You also have everyone on here to vent to! Introduce yourself on one of the longstanding threads and join in the conversation. Hopefully you'll feel less alone.

  • Thanks Betsy87, 

    yes he's being treated with medication as his thyroid levels where really high which doc says could be the cause so hes on meds and goes back for another check up in a few weeks, hoping his levels come up and we can go from there, I've tried suggesting a general statement but he won't have it, not yet anyway, he says once we see the doctor again and see how things are going then we can decide what to do  right now it's just a waiting game, 

  • Hi, 

    Just wanted to add that it is possible for you guys to still get pregnant. We had the same problem! Has your dh seen a urologist yet? My husband was also very embarassed about the news that he was the problem. I kinda understood him though and I told him to relax since this is no one's fault. About the pressing sister-in-law, maybe you should tell her how you feel when she keeps asking that question. You could tell her she will be the first to know when you guys have chosen the right time. Back to my story, our fertility specialist sent my dh to a urologist to get a second opinion and see what more could be done to help the situation. He did any u/s on his testies and didn't find anything wrong apart from the low count. He then put him on 50 mg of clomid on a daily basis. After a few months his #'s had sky-rocketed and the mobility also started increasing. Right now we are celebrating our first ever bfp & I'm now 13.6 wks along!! I hope my little story helps!! Good luck!!

  • Linet333

    thank you for that it makes me hopeful :) he did u/s on testes said they were fine, put him on eltroxin which  is for thyroid levels, hubbys was very high causI got the low counts so we are hoping when he gets blood work done next week he will be doing better :) I am secretly hopeful that we may have conceived this month but I'm waiting until next week when af is to arrive before getting to excited :) I will update once we know the plan :) 

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