Endometriosis, PCOS and TTC!
I am new to here but I am really struggling and literally have no one to talk to in any real detail/emotional honesty so apologies for the ramblings.
I have been ttc for 6 months, have only had 2 cycles (42 days and 71days!) in this time and I am battling Endo, PCOS and an issue with my immune system that they are currently trying to diagnose but not getting very far.
My husband has 2 kids already, who are amazing and I love them dearly (had them since they were babies) and he says he really wants to have kids with me but I am starting to feel like I am letting him down, that I am not a 'real' woman (not my opinion but just how I am feeling of course), that I can't give him what his ex could and generally just beating myself up about everything to the point that I am having nightmares of my husband cheating on me, me giving him permission to cheat because I can't give him what he wants, and even giving birth to weird things and desperately trying to convince the nurses that it isn't a baby!
I honestly feel like I am going crazy and I am finding myself feeling distant from my stepkids and then carrying a guilt around with me. I am not even focusing on getting pregnant, but it is obviously in my brain somewhere plaguing me.
My dh has put zero pressure on me and has been the most supportive, amazing person so it is my own fears as oppose to something he has said/done. My friends on the other hand keep telling me I should just be happy with my step kids, at least I have a husband, at least I have the step kids etc. Which is not really helpful, I can't talk to them about how I REALLY feel because it is met with this dismissive attitude which makes me feel like I am being incredibly ungrateful of what I do have.
I don't really know what I am hoping for, in way of replies, I just really needed to get that off my chest (and if anyone has any positive stories with the above conditions/issues or ways to deal with the emotions when ttc it would be appreciated)
x Thank you for taking the time to read x