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Endometriosis, PCOS and TTC!

Hi All, 

I am new to here but I am really struggling and literally have no one to talk to in any real detail/emotional honesty so apologies for the ramblings. image

I have been ttc for 6 months, have only had 2 cycles (42 days and 71days!) in this time and I am battling Endo, PCOS and an issue with my immune system that they are currently trying to diagnose but not getting very far. 

My husband has 2 kids already, who are amazing and I love them dearly (had them since they were babies) and he says he really wants to have kids with me but I am starting to feel like I am letting him down, that I am not a 'real' woman (not my opinion but just how I am feeling of course), that I can't give him what his ex could and generally just beating myself up about everything to the point that I am having nightmares of my husband cheating on me, me giving him permission to cheat because I can't give him what he wants, and even giving birth to weird things and desperately trying to convince the nurses that it isn't a baby! 

I honestly feel like I am going crazy and I am finding myself feeling distant from my stepkids and then carrying a guilt around with me. I am not even focusing on getting pregnant, but it is obviously in my brain somewhere plaguing me. 

My dh has put zero pressure on me and has been the most supportive, amazing person so it is my own fears as oppose to something he has said/done. My friends on the other hand keep telling me I should just be happy with my step kids, at least I have a husband, at least I have the step kids etc. Which is not really helpful,  I can't talk to them about how I REALLY feel because it is met with this dismissive attitude which makes me feel like I am being incredibly ungrateful of what I do have. 

I don't really know what I am hoping for, in way of replies, I just really needed to get that off my chest  (and if anyone has any positive stories with the above conditions/issues or ways to deal with the emotions when ttc it would be appreciated) 

x Thank you for taking the time to read x

Replies

  • Hi wishful, as hard as this TTC journey is... please dont beat yourself up that it hasn't happened yet... healthy couples can take up to a year to conceive and that is considered normal. Another thing which might help to reassure you is that my mum also had PCOS & endometriosis & had 3 kids! She was actually scheduled to have her full hysterectomy (because her endo had gotteb so bad) when she found out she was pregnant with my little sister! So don't give up hope yet!

  • Thank you for your reply, that does make me feel a lot better! Sometimes in these situations the doctors don't help as they gave me 6 months of ttc before they will explore other options which I suppose is meant to give me hope but actually just gave me a time limit that I am at the end of.

    But so nice to hear that your mum managed to get pregnant even with these issues, the doctors make it sound like it's near enough impossible so thank you for the positive story image x

  • Hello - I felt the need to reply after reading your post. I've been TTC for 9 months, my husband has 3 kids from a previous relationship. Its nice to hear from someone who feels like I do, that it's unfair that they could conceive so quickly (and unplanned everytime) and it's taking us longer and just generally feeling sorry for myself and a bit hard done by. i had a chemical pregnancy a few months ago that broke my heart to be honest. This month I have been feeling SO good, I've been going to reflexology, taking She Oak, started BBT tracking, cut out alcohol and most caffeine and in general I've just felt much more positive....until a few days ago. Now I just feel like a big pile of rubbish! I know I'm not out yet, AF due Wednesday but stupidly started early testing and of course BFN. Anyway I'm rambling now but just wanted to make contact to say that I really think I know how you feel x

  • Thank you GJ, it is really nice to speak to other people who know how you feel. 

    It is one of those things that, unless you are in the position of raising someone else's kids and struggling tc, it is really hard to grasp the internal struggle! 

    I love my stepkids but at the moment I have this niggling feeling when I see them and even worse when I see their mum but when I have mentioned it to friends or my family I tend to get the responses of 'it's not the kids fault' or 'you knew what you were doing when you married someone with kids' like I am not fully aware that logically/rationally no it isn't their fault and no I don't really resent them, it is just an emotional state that I am in right now. 

    Weird being a stepmum, you do everything for your stepkids (in some case more so than their bio mum) with no recognition, no unconditional love, no mothers day card or even gratitude and that is absolutely fine but you say one thing about how you are feeling and you are considered the evil stepmother who doesn't love her step kids lol it really is so backwards sometimes. 

    Hopefully we will both have some good luck soon! x

  • I can't speak for being a step mum... but I can speak from the heat about truly knowing how difficult this journey can be but also how in the end every single drop of blood, sweat and tears is worth it. I suffered through 2 pretty traumatic miscarriages with my first 2 pregnancies & cried more than I knew it was evet possible to cry... but I never gave up... never stopped hoping & praying that one day I would get to be a Mum... then I got to bring my beautiful son home 2 years ago & every day I look and him & smile... he brings me such joy & I feel SO blessed and happy to be a Mum... it really does make all the pain worth it... I promise! X

  • I am going to offer you some unusual suggestions which may not seem very obvious

    You probably have Inflammation and are missing some vitamins and minerals, so you may need to make some major changes to your diet and lifestyle

    Your doctor will probably not understand much about this, so I suggest that you look for a Nutritional Therapist near you who has a good track record in solving your problems.  I suggest that you look at:  www.bant.org.uk   Look for "Find a Therapist" and select 10 near you.  Contact every one and talk with them in detail and ask them about their approach and their successes, and then select one to work with

    I have written a little more about this in my blog:  "What to do about Fertility ?" which you can read at: 

    https://www.greenvits.eu/blogs/news/85289923-what-to-do-about-fertility 

    I hope that this gives you some new ways to approach your situation

    .

  • Hi Wishful,

    I'm new here but came across your post via Google search.

    I have one SS4, and I love him so much, but I understand your struggle. 

    My partner and I have not been ttc as such, just so as not to put too much pressure on it... But I've been hopeful we might have a happy accident as we decided to stop using BC 7 months ago. I have PCOS but I haven't started any treatment. I have however been tracking my bbt, I've changed my diet, cut out alcohol and most sugars, switching to only wholegrains etc and have lost over a stone since starting, although I was never far from a healthy weight anyway.

    I'm feeling so low! My SO would be happy if we conceived but equally doesn't feel any kind of need for another child either, and when I do share my upset he's supportive but I'm aware that he can't truly understand my position. I feel like a broken person. Like I'm physically broken inside. Raising another woman's child but having no real say over how it's done is starting to weigh on me. We have an incredibly strong bond and relationship, but it only makes me want a child more. I just don't know how to cope with these feelings. 

    Same as you, family and friends meet me with a dismissive attitude, whether out of pity or lack of understanding I don't know, but it isn't helpful to be told 'atleast you have...' or even 'you'll get there' as if it's just a case of practice.

    I suppose I'm wondering how you're getting on now? Are you still ttc? Did you manage to work past your fears and feelings? I too have nightmares because of it, and they were made worse recently when my SS's BM gave birth to her 2nd child. She's admitted to me that she uses pregnancy to trap men, as if it's something to be proud of, and I can't help but feel that it's SO unfair. 

    Sorry for rambling, hoping so much that you're doing better!

  • Hi there another pcos suffer here  I feel u I honestly do i have 3 children. My pcos showed up after my 2nd was born. And since I've felt awful about myself weight loss is an absolute struggle can't shift a pound literally and I walk 8 hours a day roughly 12 miles insane   also hair loss on head I'm only 27 and lost so much hair but when I got pregnant with my 3rd it all grew back so it's not irreversible and all fell out when I gave birth so now I'm looking at other options with gp but don't beat your self up over it u will get there love have you ever tried Angus castus that's good for regulating periods n balancing hormones out x

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