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Coping with fertility problems/ttc

Hi ladies. Wondered if you could give me some advice. Here is a bit of background. I have 2 children who were conceived 1st month trying. My youngest is now 6, so have had a bit of a gap. I am now 35 and have been ttc for 13 months with no bfp. When my youngest was 1 I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism and now I my thyroid levels are great. I was anticipating that baby number 3 would take longer given my age etc but I never anticipated this. We are currently awaiting referral for fertility, but due to the pandemic we don't know when this will occur and the waiting list is likely to be long. I can't help thinking there must be something wrong to not get a bfp by 13 cycles. I am worried and every month I get my af I am getting more and more down about it. I started a bit of yoga a few months back to try and distract myself. How do you cope with fertility issues? I wish I didn't feel so down every month. It's hard because I feel like I have lost most of my hope l but every month I get my af I feel my hope being crushed even more. 

Replies

  • I'm so sorry hun, I know how much u struggled all this time. My position Is a bit different than yours and  as u know I have up on second child. I don't want to convince u to the sane, but have u ever considered that? Its still hard on me but helped my mental health a lot. 
  • Thanks @MadDoda for your honesty. I am really struggling at the moment but I don't feel I am ready to give up just yet. I am now trying to prepare myself now that this may never happen and I know I need to be prepared for that. I have prepared myself that I may never find an answer to my fertility problems. Had a very hard conversation with my DH the other day. He is happy to go for a referral but if it goes to the point where IVF is recommended then he doesn't want to proceed any further. That is for a variety of reasons all of which I understand. It was hard to hear but I think it is really important we are honest with each other. I just wish someone could take this yearning for a baby away. I ache to my bones so I think it will take some time to process but I think I will be happier if I get to the stage where I accept that we can't have another, then if it does brilliant and if it doesn't then I don't feel like I do now every month when af arrives. 
  • Well that means u have ur mind set. I know this is hard, but that's what u really really want. I believe u can handle this, it will be OK! I will keep u in my mind and wait for ur success. 
  • Thanks @MadDoda. You have been a tremendous support which is amazing considering what you have gone through yourself. X
  • Hi @FlossyLZ,  13mths is really no time at all, considering young, healthy couples can take up to a year to conceive, and that is completely normal!  You’ve been pregnant twice before, you know your body can do this.  At 35+ it just takes longer. Perhaps ease back on tracking and obsessing on the TWW to take the pressure off. There is a lot of very good info about improving fertility if over 35, simple things like cutting back on processed foods, exercise and increasing water intake.  Shift your focus from ‘getting pregnant’ to ‘getting healthy’.  35 is still so YOUNG.  I can understand the relief and comfort associated with giving up... that it allows you to heal and move on... but I personally think you still have plenty of time left to make your dream come true.  I conceived my first aged 37, and I’m battling on 2+ years later trying to have my 2nd at age 42... I also face the decision of whether or not to give up.  But for now, I keep trying while there is a glimmer of hope.  And I also keep donor egg IVF and adoption on the table.  One of my friends adopted a little girl at 8 months, and you really could not tell the difference between her and her relationship with her adopted daughter, and any of us mums with our ‘birth’ children.  Love finds a way!  Good luck with whatever path you take. X
  • @KiwiMoomin thank you for your reply. I think that is a really good idea to try and shift the focus. I do take a few supplements like folate and coenzyme q10 but I am trying to stop thinking about taking them for conception and instead taking them for me to make me healthier. I went gluten free a couple of months ago. Not that I was symptomatic of coeliac but I am at increased risk for it. I also had a positive home test for coeliac, although the gp test was negative. I have to say 3 weeks in I felt I had more energy and so I am sticking with gluten free even if I am not coeliac. 
  • Hi @FlossyLZ

    I'm sorry it's taking you so long to get your bfp.

    It took dh and I a year to conceive. I had been charting for months and using Pre-seed each time but no joy. I myself gave up and accepted we'd never have a baby together (I have children from a previous relationship and had had 3 losses, including 1 to dh a couple of years ago, so I knew I could get pregnant, but thought it obviously just wasn't meant to be for us). Dh started taking some different tablets and we got a bfp 3 weeks later. We were thrilled, but devastatingly at my 12 week scan I found out that baby had died a few weeks before. I went in for an ERPC 13 days ago. 

    The consultant said I have to have a blood test after 6 weeks to ensure the b-hcg has all gone, but I did a home pregnancy test yesterday, which showed an extremely faint line, so the hormone is almost gone. We don't want to wait another month as time is not on our side (I'm over 40) so we will just go for it. 

    I just want to say that if you really can't get it out of your mind, then you shouldn't give up hope yet. 

    I understand what your dh said about not going for ivf as my dh and I wouldn't do that either. We just hope that it will happen for us naturally, and I hope it does for you too x
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