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Some days are harder than others

Not quite sure what I want from this forum... maybe people who understand what it feels like to take ovulation and pregnancy tests over and over again only to continue to get negatives.  I have PCOS, we've been on this TTC journey for over 2 years now.  Tried the old fashioned way, tried, Chinese herbal medicine, tried clomid,  and currently on my 3rd round of Letrozole.  We've already taken the steps to go to a clinic to try the IUI route, we have all the necessary tests scheduled for this month, like we're being proactive but some days just really blow.  Not sure what's going on but I'm on cycle 3 with Letrozole and I haven't had a positive ovulation test(this cycle)and we're going on day 17 of my cycle 😔.  Feels like we take 5 steps only to get pushed 10 back.  Takes a toll on you.  Like I said idk what I'm looking for but it really just feels good to let it all out.  💨💨💨

Replies

  • @avacado68 I am so sorry to hear you're feeling so down. I have no experience with pcos but I do know that each month of ttc feels like a lifetime. It took dh and I 8 months and I know to others that doesn't seem long but it really took its toll so you really have my empathy.

    I would say not to worry about it being day 17 with no ovulation yet. Every month I ovulated from day 17-19. It was a long old wait but it did happen.

    You're making all the right moves to make this happen which is wonderful. It is hard not to lose hope I know. Sending big hugs xx
  • Thank you for your kind words and congrats to you two on your miracle! Yes some days I get so down which is insane because I'm normally a very happy and positive person.   It really does take a toll, but I'm willing to go to hell and back to be able to have a family of my own.  It really tests your relationship and your spirits but I know it'll happen.  It feels refreshing to be able to vent on here, nobody really knows we're going thru this right now except one other person so it can be a lot at times.  I don't want our relationship to turn into constant focus on TTC, because then it feels like we're missing out on the life happening now.  
  • @Avocado68 you're welcome and thank you for your congrats! Still feels hard to believe sometimes!

    I totally get the strain it can put on a relationship as all you can think about is ttc. Also it does feel like you're wasting your life as you are living one cycle to the next...!

    People really don't understand the strain it puts on you 🙄 it's such a taboo subject and not many talk about it.

    You should join the threads on trying to conceive. There's a very active thread called hoping for a bfp in October and there are many supportive ladies on that 😊 xxx
  • When are you due? Must be so surreal!! And yes it can feel like life is just passing you by.  My plans are made depending on ovulating or not.   We're willing to do the footwork so hopefully soon we get that BFP. and I'll definitely check that thread out! Thank you so much! 😊
  • I am due 29th March. The anxiety and stress when I got my bfp was real and the stress before my scans. It never ends 🙄 We are going tomo for a 16 wk scan also as it's my birthday and I wanted to see our wee dude 💙

    I wish you so much luck and all the baby dust. It is a rough journey but one that will be worth it. I hope you ovulate soon xxx
  • Oo i can totally imagine! I'd probably be one of those women,  getting ultrasounds every week just to be safe 😄😄.  And what a great birthday gift.  I wish you a happy and healthy baby boy.  And thank you again i.hope I ovulate soon also!!🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽
  • Don’t give up hope! Your time will come. I have PCOS, like you and I was referred to a level 2 clinic. I had to lose weight and they put me on metformin, the next step was clomid for me but I wanted to make sure my tubes were clear 1st, and that took 5 months to find out. I tried a hycosy but passed out and required a lap and dye. They discovered my left give was blocked and confirmed PCOS. 2 years came and went as everything shut down waiting for this pandemic to pass. I was then waiting for a blood test to see if I was ovulating myself, the next step was either clomid or IVF. That same month I discovered I was pregnant, naturally! After 26 months I finally got my miracle. I’m now nearly 19 weeks. 
    Don’t lose hope. It is hard, souls destroying and it consumes you. Your time will come. Best of luck to you xxx
  • I definitely need to lose weight, thats what the Fertility clinic told me, he said it would help if I lost 15-20lbs.  Its hard with PCOS, I can legit eat salads for a week and not drop a pound, it gets discouraging.  Wetried metformin but the side effects were rough for me.  I did clomid for 2 months with no positive OPK so my doctor switched me to Metformin and just upped my dose every month until it made me ovulate.  I ovulated for 2 months in a row but this month just wasn't my month,  I need to adjust my diet and be more active. Not sure what happened this month even if it doesn't reflect on the scale.  Hopefully I can come on here soon with an uplifting story like yours.  What is a level 2 clinic? And I did the HSG test, and my tubes were clear which was great.   But once this cycle ends we will be discussing our plans moving forward with IUI.   I'm trying my best to remain positive. 
  • Bless you. A level 2 is just the level of help/treatment. A GP surgery is level 1, medication help for fertility at a specialist centre, like clomid is classed as level 2 treatment that’s invasive is level 3, for example IVF. My clinic was private but I was an NHS referral and to get level 3 treatment my BMI would needed to have been 30.
    When I started my BMI was nearly 40. They said the wouldn’t give me any clomid until it was down to 35 but we’re happy to put me on metformin. I increased my dosage to 1500mg 3 times a day over 2 months. Always had with a decent sized meal and that worked for me, they did have a slow released version but I didn’t need it. 
    I was on metformin for nearly a year in the end and it gradually brought my periods closer together. They went from 37-42 days to 30-33 days. That and I felt the weight came off easier. I stuck to a strict 1600 kcal a day diet. Having a bit of what I fancied but in moderation and in line with daily calories. I managed to lose 25kg but it took me a year. 
    It’s great that you are ovulating and your tubes are clear! That’s 2 really good points. You sound like you’ll get there. It’s hard to have hope some days, I remember wondering if it’ll ever happen. On the month I conceived I didn’t do anything special, no OPK or temping, I just guessed and we had sex based on previous cycles (4 and 2 days before ovulation). I just thought there’s another month out of the window. 
    There is always a chance 🤞🏻 Xxx
  • You give me some hope! Congratulations on the weight loss thats a huge accomplishment.  Today's another negative ovulation test on CD19. I'M discouraged but I'm going to try to not let it ruin my day.  
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