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Infertility and fertile friends 😔

Hi ladies,

So we have been ttc for almost 2 years now with no success. Both had all the tests done - cant find anything wrong so has been labelled as unexplained infertility. Trying to start the journey to fertility treatment but with covid everything just keeps getting delayed.

I just wondered if anybody had any advice when going through something like this and having friends who are getting pregnant and having babies?

The most difficult thing for me has been my best friend of over 16 years. After more than a year of us ttc she got pregnant on her first month trying. It was hard and I felt jealous but I was happy for her. Sadly she had a miscarriage at 7 weeks. 

Now just a few months later she has got pregnant again and I am really struggling with it and actually feeling a lot of resentment towards her and finding myself not wanting to see or speak to her. 

I know it probably sounds petty but it just feels so unfair. Any advice of cope and get past this?



  • Hi @Jammy1892, this is our 15th month of TTC. I got pregnant whilst on the pill 8 years ago with my daughter. My other half has been tested and his wee men are fine. I have had bloods done each time showing better levels for ovulation. Had my first fertility app at hospital on Monday. Need to wait for app for ultrasound scan and xray for getting hsg done. Spoke about medication but they said they would talk more at my next app about that. Hopefully it's a 3 month wait for the apps.
    My friend just had a baby and someone I know got pregnant right after coming off contraception. I was so gutted as we were talking about it and I said just do it and then she did and got pregnant.
    I have been told to stop tracking ovulation and just bd from day 10 to 16 and its just trying to hit the jackpot as they said to me on Monday.
    Hope your feeling ok. I am here. 

  • Hey @Jammy1892

    Don't judge yourself too harshly, please. It is a hard HARD thing TTC. I am also now in 2 years and just realized I cannot wait any longer, I am 39 already, and planning to go abroad on IVF as soon as this Covid situation clears out. 

    But is IS hard and it is normal that you have some emotions that you cannot quite comprehend or explain. Have you perhaps tried therapy? I was on therapy in the past to help me with being completely overworked and it really helped me with understanding my emotions because I had some serious rage periods.

    Be kind to yourself, it's really hard and i'm sure your friend will understand in the in term. 
  • Hi @Jammy1892
    What you're going through is really difficult so like the others have said please be kind to yourself. I have experiences of what you're going through from both sides. My first pregnancy happened very easily, and a very close friend of mine had been struggling with fertility problems for several years. I was aware of some of what she was going through and I tried very hard to be sensitive. However, my pregnancy and the birth of my son was very difficult for her and she did distance herself from me. I have known her a very long time, she is a very good friend, and I understood she wasn't being unkind to me. She was just trying to protect herself. Eventually she had a baby by IVF and after a little while our friendship went back to normal. I think if you can be honest with your friend and tell her how you are feeling you will hopefully be able to save your friendship. You may well find you need a little distance and that's ok, you need to do whatever helps you to cope. As long as she completely understands where you are coming from I'm sure she'll understand. 
    More recently I have struggled to concieve my second child and had a miscarriage. Having learnt a lot from previous experiences I have tried to be kind to myself and allow myself the time and space I need. Close friends who I felt able to talk to have been very supportive. And actually I have found that with the right sensitivity and understanding it is possible to enjoy and be happy for someone else's pregnancy. I am currently pregnant and hoping my rainbow baby will arrive safely. I really hope you have your happy ending soon too. True friends will find a way to support you whatever happens as long as they understand what you need and how you are feeling. Good luck!
  • Hi Jammy,
    Wow, I totally could have written this post myself! I know exactly how you feel. It just seems so unfair that for some people, it's the easiest thing in the world, but for us, it feels impossible. I think it's totally normal feel this way, so please don't be too hard on yourself. If she is as good a friend as it sounds (16 years is a long time), I'm sure she will understand, even if only in time.
    I actually ended up working with a Fertility Coach which has really helped me to manage my emotions a lot more effectively through this journey. I even managed to go to a friend's baby shower recently, and I actually enjoyed myself - which I would never have thought possible a few months ago. 
    Anyway, I just wanted you to know that you're not alone. We are all here for you.
    Sending big remote hugs xxx
  • Jammy and Arabella123, your posts/comment is exactly what I joined this group for. Ive been trying for almost 2 years, all my friends got pregnant very quickly or by accident and just tonight my 29 year old cousin who’s 4 years younger than me told me she’s pregnant, after trying for 2 months! We’re like sisters so I acted thrilled but I’m soooo jealous. I don’t want to be but im
    gutted I can’t help it. It totally ruined my mood. I want her to be pregnant and happy, I just ALSO want to be that. I have NO ONE to talk to since everyone can conceive so easily. Thank you for sharing your experiences. You’re not alone and I’m relieved that I’m not either:) 
  • One of the hardest, everyday things we have to go through... Suddenly people are getting pregnant like its nothing, and here I am fighting with my all just for a small chance. I've managed to control these thoughts because they added to my anxiety and stress. similarly to @Arabella123 I decided to visit a therapist and it has been a real game changer. Maybe consider it?
  • I feel exactly the same. A friend who has never wanted children suddenly decided she might want a child and fell pregnant immediately. She didn't tell anyone until her 12 week scan and sent a pic as an announcement which I saw on a preview and broke down in tears of anger, upset and envy. Couldn't bear to open the message for a few days and when I did had to pretend to be overjoyed. I'm 36 and we've been trying for around 3 years and I just don't think it's going to happen for us 
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