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Will they still treat me?

Hi Ladies,

Bit of a random question this, but we are due to see our consultant soon to set the wheels in motion for ICSI Round 2.

Round 1 failed just before Christmas due to me being stressed and my eggs just didn't develop. I told work and they made all the right noises, but ever since then the workload has been increasing, pressure has got to bursting point and I am feeling about 10,000 times more stressed than I did before! To top it all, my colleague is soon to go on garden leave and I will have to take on her work too. I am already doing 8am-7pm with about a 10min quick sarnie break at lunchtime. I do love my job and expect the occasional late night, and while it's always been demanding, it is now getting to the point of being ridiculous. It's not that I'm being disorganised with my time, it's just sheer volume of work and business deadlines that have to be met. I have spoken to my managers, but they just keep giving me more - we've estimated I'm doing the work of 2.5 full timers. I am constantly tired, can't sleep, have no energy, no time for hobbies or friends etc and it's really getting me down. I just feel that I will be throwing away ??4.5k on ICSI if I don't do something now as with this level of stress it will just be a pointless exercise.

So, as work have been about as useful as a chocolate teapot, I have made an appointment with my GP for Friday in the hope he can at least give me something to knock me out so I can get some shut-eye. However, I am in two minds whether to cancel or not, as (and here I finally have my question!) I am wondering if they will still treat me for ICSI if the doc does decide I am stressed or depressed...? I don't want to scupper our chances further if it does?

Anyone know?

If there's a remote chance of my seeing the doc about this stopping my treatment then I will look at alternatives and just try and keep to a better regime at work. I can't believe I'm now stressing about getting treatment about being stressed!! Vicious circle! :roll:

Thanks for reading.

Hope someone can help - babydust to all

Moggs xxx


  • Oh Moggs - what a horrible position to be in. You have my sympathies. I'm so sorry that round 1 of your treatment didn't work out.

    If I were you, I would go along to the doctor's appointment to discuss the stress you are under, explaining all your symptoms. If it's affecting your sleep, then that's serious and he/she needs to know. Try not to pre-suppose what help or prescription you'll get. I don't think they will prescribe sleeping tablets too easily, and they will have other suggestions first to manage your stress/depression.

    Turning now to the situaion at work, it simply doesn't sound reasonable what they are asking you to do. They obviously value you as a competent member of staff, as they keep giving you more to do. But I wonder if it hasn't even crossed their mind that their unreasonable behaviour might result in them losing you? It sounds as though you have good communication with your manager(s), in that you can talk to them, but it's their response that's lacking and the situation continues to deteriorate. Maybe it's time to have another chat with work but make it more serious/real for them - you could tell them you have seen the doctor and have been diagnosed with stress. Suggest that one option is that you get signed off sick for a period of time, which you don't actually want to do, but you are forced to consider your own health because no job in the world is worth sacrificing that for. They are under a legal obligation to look after your health at work, and they cannot discriminate against you (eg demote or fire you) on the grounds that you have told them you are suffering from stress. They can (and should) explore with you relieving your workload. Would you consider going part time for a bit (obviously with the level of work reduced accordingly)?

    When you go to speak to your manager(s), have a clear idea in your head of what they need to do to make your position better - eg specific deadlines extended or projects/responsibilities allocated to someone else. It might be worth including HR in the discussion, or suggesting it - your manager may simply feel out of his/her depth in dealing with this, and the presence of an HR person will ensure all company procedures are properly followed. Also keep a written record of what was said.

    If you are nervous about your employment rights as a result of speaking to them, then there are free services out there who can advise you - eg CAB.

    As for the IVF/ICSI treatment, I doubt if the clinic would withhold treatment because you are suffering stress. However as you know it is a stressful process on its own, and you need to be in the best possible physical and emotional state at the outset. I think it's definitely worth addressing this issue of your stress at work and quickly to improve your chances.

    I hope I haven't come across as preachy in this - and with all of the above, feel free to ignore my suggestions. I just had to answer as it is similar to my experience. In January 2009 I had an MC and was feeling under immense stress at work - sleepless nights, crying every Sunday night, feeling sick at the thought of going into the office. I spoke to my manager and he has been fantastic. He reallocated a number of my more stressful responsibilities, and gave me new projects which I have really enjoyed. He didn't make it feel like I was a failure, and importantly others in the team didn't perceive it that way. I went on to have four rounds of IUI, and I'm now on round 1 IVF (egg collection in around five hours!). Work has been supportive in giving me time off for treatment and I feel much less stressed. I know that if I hadn't asked for help, I wouldn't have got it. Until my MC I had been very stoic, accepting everything that came my way in a bid to be perceived as a "good" team player, but it was starting to make me ill. I enjoy my job and it's important to me - but having a baby is ultimately more important.

    Best of luck, and let me know how you get on.
  • God your work sounds a nightmare at the moment I don't blame you for being stressed I think anyone would with the pressure your under.
    Personally I would go along and speak to the doctor just to put some things clear in your head. I would also speak to work, you cannot carry on doing the amount of work you are without it affecting your health in some way, even if you weren't about to go for fertility treatment I would still advise you speak to work!
    My job is not stressful at all but I know how stressful IVF is and in the beginning I stressed about everything and and still tried to run around and please everyone, but there came a point where I thought, no this is the most important thing to me in my life at the moment and I am going to look after myself for once and I just chilled out and took everything at a pace I was comfortable with, I was lucky to concieve first time and I 'm not saying this is foolproof but I definately think it did help me. I am going to do this again this time!
    A friend of mine has fertility problems and is about to enter her first attempt at IVF and her job is incredibly stressful and includes a lot of travelling, I am telling you the same thing I have told her, stress does not help fertility, a job is just a job and some things are more important in life. I don't mean to sound harsh I just really want to help!
    I think the clinic probably will still treat you as it is not up to them to sort stress out and I know this sounds really horrible but I feel its true but they will still get paid no matter what the outcome, hate saying that!
    Please don't think I'm horrible, as I said before I hope you concieve and get a BFP!!
    Baby dust to you and all the luck in the world, I would love to know what you decide to do
    Rhian xxx
  • Thanks so, so much for all your replies. You've basically all confirmed what I suspected - that I'm not doing myself any good whatsoever!

    I had another chat with work today and while they sympathise, they just say that the work has to be done and it's going to keep on coming. There's no one else to do it so it all comes down to me. Unfortunately, as main breadwinner I couldn't go part-time but do intend to take some hours back for myself. You're all right though - I do need to remind myself what's at stake here and that at the end of the day, this is just a job. I did manage to leave at 5.30 today - so better than usual image)

    Mrs. D - hoping it all went well for you today. Fingers crossed! Sounds like you're a bit like me in saying 'yes' to everything and anything at work!

    Miss Polar - thank you so much for your perspective, I know exactly what you mean about trying to please everyone instead of myself!

    Claire-Ski - good memory! Yes, I did down-reg well last time. It's just when it came to stimming it went to pot. Great minds think alike too - I've already told work I'm taking 3 weeks holiday when it comes to that part again as I reckon that will help enormously and I have loads of hols to take. Great idea about acupuncture too. I've often wondered about it and I think I'm going to seriously look into it. Anything that can help me wind down can't be a bad thing. Hope all is going well with you x

    It's amazing how many of us have or have had such stressful jobs!

    Thanks again for all your support xx
  • Hi, Didnt feel that I could read and run. A year ago I gave up my full time job which I loved but was under a lot of pressue. I was in the fortunate position that my hubby could let me do this. We have been through 5 years of operations for endo, cysts etc etc. IUI and first cycle of ivf failed. Finally and I honestly never thought I would get to say this but I am 28 weeks pregnant. And you know what I think was the deal breaker - taking myself out of work and taking time out for me and whats the most important thing to all of us putting ourselves through IVF. My heart goes out to you and I wish you all the luck in the world xx
  • That is fantastic news for you becky - congratulations! Always lovely to hear a success story. Well, I am seeing my GP tomorrow morning and have also been in touch with an acupuncturist near me (certified by Zita West no less!) so am crossing fingers and toes that both go well. Have also managed to get some time off week after next, during which I promise myself not to look at the Blackberry....! xx
  • If I can give you one piece of advice - you need to take some time off work and if they don't agree to it, get your GP to sign you off sick with stress for a few weeks. I appreciate that you enjoy your job and I'm sure it pays the bills, but no job in the world is worth jeapordising your health or potentially stopping you becoming a Mum.

    i too have a very busy and stressful job and spent 2 years on 4 failed attempts at IVF. on my last go, i took the time off work (i was lucky that I had 3 weeks holiday, but I would have gone off sick) and am now 18 weeks pregnant with twins. I put this successful result down to not working.

    you need to put yourself and your future family first!
  • Moggs a sincere bit of advice. If having a baby is really important to you then you need to change your lifestyle. If that means changing jobs or even quitting then think about it. It's easy for me to say this I know and obviously I don't know your financial circunstances but if you were to go through what my wife and I have been through you would reconsider. We went through IVF in Dec 2008, with a positive pregnancy result in Jan 2009. Later my wife miscarried in Feb 2009. We had some frozen embryos and these were then transferred in June 2009, again positive pregnancy and this time it was twins. But at 24 weeks she has a placental abruption and it was severe enough to force premature delivery of the twins and neither survived.

    So on that basis we had spent a fortune financially and emotionally on the treatment and we lost our twins. I really think you should think very carefully whether you are able and willing to commit to this 100% before starting the treatment as it does not end after a positive pregnancy result. It will be a full 9 months of taking it easy thereafter.
  • Well, I've managed to get next week off (hurrah!) and am making sure I do nothing, apart from go to my first acupuncture appointment. If that helps, I'm hoping to make it a regular event.

    I went to the doctor last week, and after waiting an hour past my appointment time (!) she decided to give me sleeping tablets and told me to come back in a few weeks if I was still feeling stressed. The pharmacist however told me not to take the tablets as they were so heavy duty they would invalidate my car insurance and they have depressive qualities, so am not touching them until I can get another GP appointment (with another doc) to see if I should be having them or not! Madness!

    Bennettnic - I also have 3 weeks hols left and work have happily agreed that I can take this time off after down-regging, so can be as relaxed as poss during stimms and during egg collection and so on. I also get 3 days fertility leave, which I will tag onto that. Today as well, they've actually starting looking at resourcing and are making positive moves to relieve the pressure on me, so I'm feeling an awfully lot more positive than I did a couple of weeks ago - still mega stressed out, but am hoping a good few days of doing sod all and ignoring phones and blackberries will help.

    KS9 - I am so, so sorry to hear about your loss and I can't begin to imagine how devastating that was for you and your wife. I am of course totally 100% committed to the process of having a child both now and throughout pregnancy and their lives; it's been nearly five years of trying so far and we wouldn't have gone down the IVF route if we weren't committed to acheiving the dream that we all hope for - as you say, it's draining both emotionally and financially but we always have in mind that we are doing it because we want a child and to be a family, not just to say we've had a BFP. However, I am also committed to providing a secure home for a child and my husband is a low-wage earner - it's just not financially possible for me to reduce my hours or change jobs if I am to keep the roof over our head or pay for treatment. We got badly hit by the recession and just about kept the house. I'm also conscious that if we are successful, I'm going to need the maternity entitlements that my job brings. We've had one failed cycle and I'm doing all I can to ensure we don't have another by speaking to work and looking at solutions, such as acupuncture.

    My work really aren't ogres, it's just frantic at the moment and I really do appreciate the support they are giving me - I know I'm very lucky compared to a lot of others. Now that they've realised the impact of my workload on my health, they are taking the right steps and I am grateful to them.

    I think I'll also see if I can take advantage of the ACU counseling service during treatment, if that's appropriate.

    Anyway, here's looking forward to a nice chilled week off! PJs and trashy novels at the ready!!

    Thanks again all of you for the advice xx

    Moggs x

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