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i am such a horrible person :'(
My best friend has phoned me this morning from her work to tell me shes pregnant (they weren't trying) and as much as i am very happy for them both I'm sat here in tears and i am so so jealous,whilst i obviously didn't show her how i was feeling as soon as i was off the phone the floods opened,she only phoned as other people know and she didn't want me finding out on FB,she is one of the few who know we've been ttc for nearly 2 years now and i feel she didn't really think about our situation before telling me,not saying i need baby step but feel over the phone from her work a bit inconsiderate
and now here am hating myself for a body that wont give me what i want and hating the way i feel about my friends news (
and now here am hating myself for a body that wont give me what i want and hating the way i feel about my friends news (
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Replies
Hopefully you're close enough to her that she'll know how you are feeling and the pain will lessen for you. Xxx
[Modified by: RachieS on April 15, 2010 10:44 AM]
im sure ina few weeks il be feeling better about it,but i feel its going to be very hard
I just wanted to put my ten pennies in and say that you are NOT a horrible person, nor are you a bad friend. I have seen you be so supportive and helpful to other ladies on here and I can fully understand that you can only take so much. When you want a pregnancy so badly it hurts when others seem to achieve it so easily. What you're feeling is normal and you shouldn't be ashamed of it. You're doing the best thing by having a good moan on here though - we've all been there and can sympathise with exactly how you're feeling.
I think its probably likely that I will need some kind of fertility treatment to concieve now as treatment I had for early stage cervical cancer last year has left me with a blocked cervix. My DH and I have been 'trying' since my treatment and find it very hard to watch all our friends around us fall pregnant - especially since its usually in the first few months of trying.
My brother and his wife who have a very tempestuous relationship have also just announced they are pregnant the first month of trying. My SIL has been very vocal and tactless about how much of a nightmare her morning sickness is and how she's 'not liking baby very much at the moment' seemingly oblivious to the fact that DH and I would be willing to chew our own right arms off to be in her situation!!
I suppose what I'm trying to say is that you're always going to get tactless people but the best thing to do is to let that feeling out here where people who understand can support you.
I apologise if that sounds a bit hippy - drippy, I just meant to say you aren't on your own. We're all here to support you on the bad days, and hopefully we'll be here to share the highs when you get your own good news too!
Take care hun
Sarah xx
impatient i suppose what i was saying is she didn't take the time to talk to me as she was at work so couldn't talk long
now im feeling horrible for being pissed at the way she told me but cant help that yep it was insensitive
sarahbear thank you xx i no what you mean,ive had to face that exact type of person at my work who doesn't know were ttc so not her fault but it really gets to me..even my mum today when i told her about my friend she said well its about tme you had another...i was going to tell her but not over the phone because i no il start crying
my hubby phoned to ask how i was,it shouldn't be like that should it,not with a friend i should be ecstatic for her..i am some how but cant help but pin point my failure over another month
all day ive thought i had been dreaming,last years she was saying wouldnt it be great if we fell pregnant together etc share all those times and i suppose its going to be a reminder also
Xx
everything crossed for your friends also x
You are certainly not a horrible person. When I had just suffered a mc last year 2 of my closest friends phoned me on the same night to tell me their happy news. I kept a pretend smile on my face during the (long and detailed) converstaions (helped by about a bottle of wine) but the minute I hung up from them both, I literally broke down. I was not able to be a real support to them during their pregnancy but realised that they both had PLENTY of people to support them and coo about the baby coming etc. I joined in as far as I could manage but the jealous feeling didn't magically disappear. It got better when the babies arrived tho!
I suppose what I'm trying to say is, give youself a break, it's ok to feel jealous and angry because it isn't fair. Nothing about ltttc is fair. And you are definitely NOT a horrible person!!!!
xxxxx
She's now reasonably far gone and i have struggled all the way through with trying to talk about all her symptoms, the sex (of the baby!!) and the feelings of the baby moving. I feel bad for not being more enthusiastic about this exciting time in her life and we aren't speaking half as much as we used to, maybe because she doesn't know how to talk to me about it? I AM happy for her, but found that she didnt ask how i was during IVF or really talk to me about it and was talking about going to the docs after two months of trying, i suppose all that has left a bit of a bitter taste in my mouth but she's still my best mate. Soplease dont feel horrible, you're not, you're normal and its a normal reaction to thishorrid testing time we're all experiencing.
Hang in there and try to keep positive. Tink.xx
Anyway hon, just wanted to say you're not horrible, it is a hard situation to be in. Big hugs xxxx
Just wanted to say you are not horrible at all!
I've been experiencing something similar. I only have 2 female cousins and both a pregnant (1 fell right away). After just about coming to terms with that a good friend and colleague who knows the trouble I've been having fell pg right away and had an abortion in the past. I was chatting to her one day and said I had a rash from using a new perfume and she sai perhaps your pg and gave me a crypic look. I asked if she was and was so pleased for her, Needless to say I drove home from work that night and as soon as I walked in the house I broke my heart. It's not been easy because whilst I don't want her to pussyfoot round me sh's bein quite negative about the whole pg experience and I don't wan to hear it because looking forward to it is my only motivation.
I know the next few mths with all the arrivals is going to be so tough. Whilst I'm truly happy for them I'm also jealous and think why odes have to be me who struggles- it's like an angel and devil on my shoulder.
The only way I deal with it is by thinking the more ppl who have already got pg the more chance there is of it being me soon after patiently waiting in the queue.
Sending you hugs and hoping it gets easier for you xxx
Sorry i dont get on to chat too much these days but I'm always thinking and keeping my fingers crossed for you hun xx
Sorry i dont get on to chat too much these days but I'm always thinking and keeping my fingers crossed for you hun xx