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Dilema ladies!!

i thought this would be the most appropiate place to put it since im so confused over when to start ttc!!
Right a bit of background! Im 20 and hubby of 8 months is 22. We have been together 5yrs and are disgustingly happy in our wedded bliss lol.
My dilema is... ive just started a distance access course for my paediactric nursing! ive given myself a year to do it, tho i think ill finish before hand as i want to get as much done before hubby returns from afghan in nov! So i should all be ready to enrol and start university sept 2011.
Well hubby has 2weeks off for rnr in august. and i want to be free of my contraception asap so i could technically try then. baby would be due in may mid to end well ill have to be induced early due to medical problems so probably april, leaving me with 5month old baby and starting uni! could this be done?? im so confused as i really want a baby with hubby but i also want to go to uni to provide a stable future for our family.
Has anyone gone to uni whilst having a little baby at home?childcare would be fine between the grandparents and the rest of my family.
Me and hubby were also going to go away in november as its my 21st, ill only be a few months gone so im happy about going away if my dr was happy. money wise i plan on breast feeding and using re usable nappies. and sis has 2 young toddlers so plenty of hand me downs.
i dont know ladies what do you think come off contraception and go at it when hubby is home on rnr. and then stop afterwards as i want baby to be a couple months old when i go uni??????
i should also mention i do want quite a big age gap between 1st and 2nd. so 3yrs at uni and a couple months in a job would be a perfect age gap!
good luck understanding my confusing post!
thanks ladies x x


  • I don't know hun a nursing degree can be hard with lots of placements. Make sure you know everything the oourse invloves first and investigate studying part-time?

    Saying that if you were lucky enough the concieve (in 2 wks it might just be wrong timing) you could see how you feel and prospone going to uni until little one was 17 months.

    I think if you happy for it not to work out and wait until after uni then that might be the best for your course and you are young enough to do that. But people do manage and it sounds as though you have a great support network. You know how organised you are and what your limits are so its up to you.

    So sorry not much help but good luck in whatever you decide.


  • That is helpful hun! i like to here a outside opinion, hubby cant call that often and therefore we cant really discuss it at great length.
    hehe i know if it was meant to be then i will conceive in those 2wks, if it wasnt then we wont lol. haha it would be just my luck that it would be the wrong two weeks in my cycle.
    Unfortunately my age is the only advantage, i have health issues which make carrying a child a danger to me and the baby image my mum had 6 miscarriages and 2 stillbirths image i would not be strong enough to deal with that. ive already had one, i dont think i could cope with another. but when i do get pregnant i will be high risk consultant led so hopefully ill be able to see baby more often with frequent scans image
    part time is a option i completely forgot about! or deffering if i do infact get pregnant.
    hmm more options for me to chew over. im just so broody since the wedding! i blame everyone asking when were gonna have a baby! my hubby is amazing i cant wait to see what he is like as a daddy!!
    how do you all cope with broodyness!!
    x x x
  • hello there

    i think from a finacial point of view it would be better to wait until qualified and have been in work a few months, the uni will give you leave but its pants and extends the course, waiting until you are qualified gives you a better maternity allowance allowing more time with your baby, for a job in the nhs you get 8 weeks full pay then 18 weeks half pay + SMP then 13 weeks SMP, or waiting until baby is older past the sleepless nights, and settled into a routine

    childcare is hard when training, the palcement dont HAVE to give childfriendly hours, so you could be working 12 hour days 3 or 4 days a week. you have not only tons of coursework but 40 hour weeks on placement, i couldnt imagine leaving my LO to do this, the sleepless night are hard and i couldnt imagine working with this sleep deprivation and trying to do assignments and also missing all baby firsts.

    also something you might want to consider is that it might not happen straight away, it took us 11 months to concieve, we had started not long after i qualified. we are both young and though it would happen almost immediatly. if it were to take you 6 months to concieve would that be a right time for you both?

    there is so much to consider, many girls fell pregnant whilst on my nursing course and many didnt come back as they couldnt bare to leave their babys, the few that did come back found it very hard juggling work and homelife.

    i go back to work in a few months after having my son in december and i am faced with the dialema of what hours to do, if i work long days i wont see my baby at all!! i couldnt imagine doing my training and having to leave him with anyone x

    good luck
  • thankyou piggypops that really helped!!
    that is exactly the perspective i needed! aww congrats on your son!
    Im thankfully already in the nhs, so learning about the maternity pay from a colleague rather than a hr leaflet is helpful, why cant they put it like that!
    Argh its such a hard decision i wish me and hubby could discuss it more. my heart is saying go for it! if its meant to be itll happen, but my head is being sensible.
    how do you turn broodyness off?anyone know?
    guess im gonna have to either be sensible, and ignore my heart. oh how i wish i didnt have too.
    x x x 4yrs of holidays and saving it is! x x
  • thankyou, hes my world! image

    i gather you will be seconded?? if you are i would think that the maternity package would still apply during your training?? maybe it wouldnt be too bad if you were getting a decent wage? still would be hard with a LO though! depends if you fancy the challenge i suppose!
  • awww i bet he is!! i hope you enjoy every single second of him before you have to go back, and hopefully your hospital will be supportive!
    I work in a hospital but in a totally different role started here when i finished a levels so got almost a couple yrs here now, so would be entitled to the maternity package, thankfully!!
    I just cant decide i cant stop the broodyness and its making it so hard!!! if i didnt have this overwhelming urge to reproduce lol it wouldnt be a problem!!
    i think we might tempt fate and be contraception free whilst he is home for 2wks and then go back on it when hes back properly. then i guess if its meant to be it will be tho i know the chances are minimal. i was lucky enough i think i would defer for a year enjoy being a mum and go on. i guess it will be a different but still hard challenge with a almost toddler.
    i cant wait till hubby is home so we can discus this properly that in itself is driving me insane!
    x x x
  • Hi Sarah

    As someone who has gone through 3 years of paeds nurse training I can vouch for how much work it is! Many of my friends had children when they started the course and found it very challenging, you're expected to do the same sorts of shifts as everyone else regardless of your family circumstances and it's hard enough trying to balance placements with academic work without the extra commitment to children.

    If you're 20 then there is still lots of time to think about a family and at least once you've finished your nurse training you'll get band 5 maternity pay!
  • hi i am curtrently at uni, well on maternity leave, and have a 4 month old and a almost 5 year old. i am probably going to have to quit uni. like you i was planning on my inlaws and my mum sharing childcare and this was all perfect, i fell pregnant in the april and in the july my mum was diagnosed with advanced breast cancer and can no longer look after my baby whilst im on placements. its just too miuch for her whilsts she is so tired from treatment. my inlaws go away on holiday quite a bit and it would not be fair on them to have a baby full time just so i can go to uni and altho i get a full wage from my sponsering trust it doesnt cover full time childcare.
    if everything had worked out to plan it would all be brilliant but i think its worth bearing in mind that alot of the time things dont go the way you hope they do.
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