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other people's un-ruley children
afternoon everybody! I guess this is along similar lines to mrssetters post the other day about whether or not we'd intervene. My question is, how do you deal with other people's children if they're behaving badly in a public place?
hubby and I have just been to softplay with Evie, it's a huge local softplay which is usually very very empty during weekdays which I love. Today there was us, another mummy with a little girl called libby, and then a mum, grandad and 4children.
One of their children, the youngest looking girl (about 2), began whacking Evie with a softplay brick on the head repeatedly. I ran over and took Evie out the softplay pit and showed her somewhere else she could play, the girls grandad came over and said a very casual "don't do that". the little girl then proceeded to slap libby on the head.. libby just looked shocked and the grandad again said "don't do that".
Later on, The children all seemed to be playing together, just slightly out of sight, but well in ear shot. Then we heard Evie shouting.. hubby ran in and the little bratt girl was hitting Evie again, for absolutely no reason. OH said to the girl in a raised voice, "go and see you parents" and began asking Evie what had happened. Little girl burst into tears and came running out to her grandad, i explained she'd been hitting Evie, and rather than telling her off or giving an apology, he picked the girl up and cuddled her and said "well they're in a softplay thats what happens" and asked my oh what he'd said to upset his grandaughter so much. we explained she was only crying as she'd heard an authoratative voice, OH didn't even tell her off. Anyway, we all got into a bit of a barney over it (thank god it was empty) and he was telling my OH "you leave the telling off to me, look how much you've made her cry" Evie never got an apology and the little girl got nothing but a cuddle. I was absolutely enraged.
Do you think my OH was out of order for raising his voice? What circumstances have you been in where other peoples kids have been misbehaving... do you say or do anything? I cannot stand seeing other peoples kids doing wrong and not getting told off.
I have to admit I have told other people kids off if it's been necessary and they've hurt or put Evie at risk. More often than not I'll walk past the parents and very loudly mention how badly behaved their children are so that they can hear!!
I just dont feel there is ANY excuse.
hubby and I have just been to softplay with Evie, it's a huge local softplay which is usually very very empty during weekdays which I love. Today there was us, another mummy with a little girl called libby, and then a mum, grandad and 4children.
One of their children, the youngest looking girl (about 2), began whacking Evie with a softplay brick on the head repeatedly. I ran over and took Evie out the softplay pit and showed her somewhere else she could play, the girls grandad came over and said a very casual "don't do that". the little girl then proceeded to slap libby on the head.. libby just looked shocked and the grandad again said "don't do that".
Later on, The children all seemed to be playing together, just slightly out of sight, but well in ear shot. Then we heard Evie shouting.. hubby ran in and the little bratt girl was hitting Evie again, for absolutely no reason. OH said to the girl in a raised voice, "go and see you parents" and began asking Evie what had happened. Little girl burst into tears and came running out to her grandad, i explained she'd been hitting Evie, and rather than telling her off or giving an apology, he picked the girl up and cuddled her and said "well they're in a softplay thats what happens" and asked my oh what he'd said to upset his grandaughter so much. we explained she was only crying as she'd heard an authoratative voice, OH didn't even tell her off. Anyway, we all got into a bit of a barney over it (thank god it was empty) and he was telling my OH "you leave the telling off to me, look how much you've made her cry" Evie never got an apology and the little girl got nothing but a cuddle. I was absolutely enraged.
Do you think my OH was out of order for raising his voice? What circumstances have you been in where other peoples kids have been misbehaving... do you say or do anything? I cannot stand seeing other peoples kids doing wrong and not getting told off.
I have to admit I have told other people kids off if it's been necessary and they've hurt or put Evie at risk. More often than not I'll walk past the parents and very loudly mention how badly behaved their children are so that they can hear!!
I just dont feel there is ANY excuse.
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Replies
I have never been in the situation though but what I would say is that if my baby ever behaved badly and someone raised theirvoice to them and made them cry, my first reaction would be to tell them to sod off for frightening him...Kinda like righ ok he did something wrong but its my job to deal with it not yours kind of way. Some children find it hard to deal with new faces so a stranger shouting at them may b very frightening for them...even if they're a right horror.
I would have ben more inclinced to walk up to the girls grandfather and say to them that she is repeatedly hitting my child and tell him toll go over and get her. i DO understand why your OH did it but do you see it from that point of view too?
I'm not sure if I'd have done anything about it though... I think I'd be worried about the confrontation involved. Like you say, some parents can get quite nasty and defensive.
Look on the bright side, the parents will be paying for this attitude when they have a teenager who is a little s***
Our softplay area is really good, if a child is naughty they get told off, up to 3 times anymore than this they are asked to leave for the rest of the day! I think it's a great way of discipline!
Jayne xx
Our softplay area is really good, if a child is naughty they get told off, up to 3 times anymore than this they are asked to leave for the rest of the day! I think it's a great way of discipline!
Jayne xx
anyway in answer to ur question, i don't think ur OH was out of order intelling her to see her prents, in fact i think he was restrained, as it was the 3rd/fourth time i would've probably told her not to do it myself, and then for them to just cuddle her is to say then that she shouldn't have been told off and what she was doing was ok. x
I don't condone what the child did, it was bang out of order and I personally can't stand parents who fail to discipline their kids (makes me think they shouldn't be allowed to have them) but even still, I think you should have removed your child from the situation and left it at that. Just giving my honest opinion and don't mean to cause any offence xx
i would have removed esme from the situation, but i dont like confrontation a great deal.
I tell off other people's kids all the time if they are endangering or hurting my son or any of my friend's kids. I don't raise my voice particularly, but I will say something along the lines of 'stop that now, it's not nice to hit/kick/whatever'. And I would hope that someone else would say the same to my boy if he was misbehaving and I missed it for some reason. I don't want my son learning that hitting is ok and that is the message he is getting if he isn't told off and equally if someone is hitting him and doesn't get told off.
If you have a problem with someone else disciplining your child then make sure they don't get the chance by keeping an eye on them and doing it yourself!
The problem is that correcting another child's behaviour can be taken as (and often implicitly is) a criticism of the parents and their parenting skills. Human nature being what it is, people get very defensive. I know I would be *furious* if someone told Peter off. At 14 months he really doesn't know any better, but I would still probably take it as a criticism of my parenting that they would expect him to. (Does that make sense?)
That being said, I would want to protect him from children I perceived as being badly behaved and I do think we have a certain amount of social responsibility to model good behaviour to *all* children we encounter, not just our own. Perhaps your husband shouldn't have raised his voice, but I think his reaction in telling the little girl to go to her parents was definitely appropriate, and I would certainly have raised my own voice in that situation.
As I say, it is a difficult one, requiring tact which is hard to display when our first instinct is to protect our kids, but I think you probably came out of it the best, under the circumstances.
I would go mad if a grown man raised his voice to any of my children, the (grandfather) is very obviously in the wrong and should of been watching her but as you saw from the first incident they clearly werent bothered, so maybe one of you should of stayed with Evie to redirect her away from the little girl.
I hate play areas for this reason, lots of children and lots of different parenting :evil: unfortunatly some carers tend to let kids run riot in them and it isnt fair on everone else :roll:
Ive been in a situation where a little boy actually spat in my childs face - did i say anything to the child? nope, but i had some choice words for his mother.
I'm glad to see most don't think hubby was out of order, and can understand why others would be horrified if a man raised his voice at their LO. fliping the situation around, if it was another daddy raised their voice at Evie and upset her.. I'd be a bit taken a back, but after realising Evie had been hitting his child I'd tell Evie off myself and take her upto that child to apologise. I know I might be being very niave, but I think Evie knows far better than to hurt another child so hopefully won't find myself in that situation!
If it had been me that'd ran in to see what was happening, I don't think I'd have been as reserved as hubby, I think I'd have had some stern words for the little girl.
Once we were home, hubby was telling Evie that if that were to happen again, and somebody was hitting her, to hit them back... and whilst in the heat of the moment, it would have been satisfying to see evie stand up for herself in that way (terrible i know) I told OH not to dare teach her this as it's very very confusing and conflicting to teach a child it's bad to be violent, but condole it if the other kid does it first. I'd tell Evie off good and proper if she EVER hit another child, even if they hit her first.
We are going through something similar with my sisters little boy. He's 2.5yrs and Toby has just turned 1. My nephew is just far far too rough with Toby. I mean squeezing his hands and feet to the point Tobes cries and tries to get away. He tries to jump on him with his full body weight. He pokes at his head and slaps down on his head. He is REALLY rough with Toby that hubby and I get very stressed whenever we have to see my sisters family.
We have told them how his behaviour makes us feel but they still don't do anything about it, so hubby and I are now firmer and raise our voice to my nephew, and remove Toby from the "situation".
The thing that makes me angry is that if it was my sister going through this and Toby being the violent bugger, I know EXACTLY what her reaction would be. So why does she continue to let her son go ahead and poke and prod Tobes??? My Mum always defends him too!!! Sorry but I think a 2.5yr old understand what NO means. My nephew just refuses to listen to it.
Joo xxx
Boys do play rough and tumble, and he's of that sort of age, but that doesn't condole it and your family should be firmer in teaching your nephew that he could hurt toby. And you're right in that at 2 and a half they should definately understand the concept of NO and that somebody could get hurt.
I think you're doing right in being firm with nephew and removing toby from the situation
xx
My LO isnt old enough for soft play but i doubt i would take him when he was purely for that reason, i know my child will behave but i cant control other peoples children.
xx
Completely agree with this and have quoted as couldnt have written it better myself! lol
My neice was in a soft play area with my sister and was 'attacked' by another child. I say attacked as my neice had 3 very deep scratches on her face, one of which may actually scar! And this one was very close to her eye. My neice is 13 months. I was really surprised my sister didnt say something to this child, who was obviously older but my sister didnt speculate as to how old. I have to say, as a teacher as well, I wouldve spoken (not screamed at I might add) to this child about what she had done and that it was wrong. Parents dont like it - tough! I didnt like what their child did either!