visitors in the early days...(also in preg)
Hi ladies,
Firstly a massive congratulations on all your babies
I'm due with my first in a couple of weeks and already worrying about the stress of all the visitors in the first few days. While I understand everybody will want to come and meet the baby, I really feel it's important for the new parents to have time to bond with the new baby, just the 3 of them, as well as getting our heads around it all.
I know I'm probably being extra emotional because of hormones but the thought of people just turning up unanounced makes me feel so angry and it feels like such an intrusion! I might have just got the baby down to sleep, or just sat down to feed him and be sitting in my dressing gown. I want to feel as though I'm in a safe and private environment for this and the thought of ppl just turning up sounds like a bloody nightmare!
How did you all cope with this? Did you have an afternoon of visitors and get it over with and then say no more for a few days or something? Or just put up with it? And advice would be really appreciated.
Thanks!
CC xxx
Firstly a massive congratulations on all your babies
I'm due with my first in a couple of weeks and already worrying about the stress of all the visitors in the first few days. While I understand everybody will want to come and meet the baby, I really feel it's important for the new parents to have time to bond with the new baby, just the 3 of them, as well as getting our heads around it all.
I know I'm probably being extra emotional because of hormones but the thought of people just turning up unanounced makes me feel so angry and it feels like such an intrusion! I might have just got the baby down to sleep, or just sat down to feed him and be sitting in my dressing gown. I want to feel as though I'm in a safe and private environment for this and the thought of ppl just turning up sounds like a bloody nightmare!
How did you all cope with this? Did you have an afternoon of visitors and get it over with and then say no more for a few days or something? Or just put up with it? And advice would be really appreciated.
Thanks!
CC xxx
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Replies
I actually found it easier with visitors for the first week as all my lo wanted to do was sleep and not much would wake her up! So she could be passed round for cuddles but was totally oblivious to it all!
Once you have your baby you will be so proud that you will probably just want to show him/her off to your family and friends! You will probably be running on adrenaline for the first week anyway! lol.
Lx
All the best with your impending birth!
I found visitors a pain in the ar*e if I'm honest. I completely 100% understand that they want to see the baby but me and hubby were both knackered and I really resented the pressure to get showered and dressed (just could not find the time!) and making the house look semi-presentable (don't get me wrong I didn't do any full on cleaning but if me and hubby hadn't done a quick tidy before people came there'd have been breast pads and mucky muslins etc EVERYWHERE!)
I had told everyone beforehand that they weren't to just turn up and that we wanted the first week to ourselves. I know a lot of people might think that selfish but it completely worked for us. After that we did have a ton of people visiting but don't forget they'll probably only come at the weekend when they're off work so you've got 2 busy days a week max.
Sorry for rambling so long but I just wanted you to know that it's OK to feel like you might not want the world and his wife descending on you just after you've given birth. My advice would be to mention it to people now (and hubby so he can fend them off!).
Your baby sweety your rules.
xxxxx
0h and PS - if people have come round and just won't go home .... take bubs upstairs for a feed or a nap. Once they can't get any baby cuddles they'll soon scarper xx
i also didnt give people permission (my mum said they were waiting for it.. they didnt get it) to pick her up when she was asleep. i also didnt want people coming in off the street, not washing their hands, and picking up my newborn, so they didnt get to. i actually handed my sister a bottle of antiseptic handwash my parents also got the message out to my sis and bro that if i could smell cigarette smoke on them they wouldnt get through the door!
so, basically id say get someone on your side to control people. my mum just reminded peole that if i had a hospital birth id likely still be in, so its not the same as when they got home 3/4 days after giving birth. or change your facebook status to view by appointments only.
The rest rang or texted and we arranged times. TBH I wanted everyone to have been while OH was off. We even had OH's mum and step-dad stay, then the next week his sister came, and then his dad! xx
i had my little girl at 3.10pm on a thursday and as soon as i was stitched up and had some toast (OMG best meal ever as i hadn't eaten properly for 9 months! lol) i rang my mum at work to tell her to finish early, ring my step-dad to do the same and to come up for visiting hours...i had the midwifes rush my paperwork to get me to ward on time, they were in shock i didn't just want to chill after been there 36 hours lol
i came home the friday, had my parents bring my nana (first great-grandchild) up that night for a couple of hours. we had the saturday to ourselves then had OH parents round on the sunday, and then they brought his nana with them the next day. we then did a big 'meet n greet' for rest of my family and best friends on the wednesday and that kinda saw to it all (OH family live in the midlands).
i will echo what one of the girls said though, make visiting on your terms. nobody was allowed my baby unless i gave her to them, no matter who they were, and i also took advantage of asking people to bring little things round like someone else said too.
basically i'd tell people you'll let them know how you feel about visitors after you've had LO as you don't know how you'll feel about it all really til then xxxx
I was a bit lucky that most of our family lives overseas so didn't have to worry too much but random friends (childless and therefore completely ignorant of what the first week or so is like!) would just turn up! GGRRRR - I was invariably still in PJs or BFing on the couch so NOT in the mood for people to wander in and out!
Definitely get your OH on board (he will be tired too and will back you up I'm sure!) and try to get the word out now that when the baby has been born you want some time to yourselves, and if people want to visit they need to arrange a time with you first. Newborns get over stimulated easily so you don't really want a dozen people passing them around anyway.
We just kept visitors to the weekends (which suited most of them anyway) and just had one visit per day, max 4 people at a time.
It will be harder if your parents or your OH's parents live nearby - just ask them to respect your privacy and ring before they come to check that it's convenient. I'm sure they will understand.
And definitely get them to do housework when they come or at least bring food!!
Good luck with everything
Visitors are lovely, it's great to see people's faces when they meet your baby for the first time. Please please please have the courage to say no if you feel it's too much though! I just didn't, and because so-and-so had seen the baby, somebody else would have to so it was 'fair'.... arg! I got caught up in stupid family politics, and I will definitely not let that happen in future! Sugarpuff's right - get someone to back you up! Hope everything goes well with the birth x x x
with my dd2 i stayed in 1 night and apart from seeing my parents when we picked dd1 up on the way home we had the same rule and no one came round before we said it was ok.So if you arent ready for visitors make sure people know only to come round when invited hope this helps
BUT -
I had the in laws waiting (and actually visiting) in the labour room while i was on the drip screaming in pain, 24 hours into my labour with my first lo.
Then, once lo was born OH (I could've killed him) managed to get his mum and step dad in to see me out of visiting hours, while I was still in recovery on the labour ward, before they flew away for a week in poland (at night time so they could've made the early visiting hours...) ...when my son was a couple of hours old.
I'd had a c sec and was not even allowed to hold my own son before my MIL managed to get her hands on him!
I then had all OHs family ringing up to find out when they could come see, and conveniently, all of them couldnt do the weekend (I'd gotten home on the wed) but could do the thurs or fri.... when all i wanted to do was sleep and recover and get used to feeding lo.
My family, although not all of them, txt or rang to say let them know when they could come and meet ds, and i let them know a week later, they all seemed patient enough to wait and not demand to see him asap.
Whatever you decide, make it the right decision for YOU! It is you having the baby and what you feel comfortable with and capable of coping with is what goes. As far as I'm concerned OH must stand behind your decision, or give birth himself ;\)
Def tel people now though, and make sure they know you mean business
xxx
some of them make my blood boil on your behalf and are my worst nightmare!!
i'm just not going to answer the door or get DH to turn people away who just turn up unannounced - it's so rude. don't know if anybody actually will but imagine some will! i NEVER would do that, whether somebody's just had a baby or not.
i'm happy for people to visit when i say so, and i'm sure i'll enjoy seeing them and showing them my new son, but i'm so worried about getting established with breastfeeding and some kind of routine or at least getting baby settled, i can't imagine having to work all that around visitors. and i'm not bloody going to! plus i don't want him being passed around like a doll loads - i've heard it can really unsettle them in the first few days...
i'm also feeling really really grumpy at the moment so i'm getting angry about things that might not even happen! haha! i'm sure most ppl will be really helpful and not outstay their welcome etc. lets hope so anyway!!!
xx
Hubbys family pee'd me right off though, hunt had told his dad we only wanted these short visits and his dad even said he woul wait a couple weeks before visiting as he understood! Well that was a load of crap..I came out of hospital the same day as giving birth but it was 10pm!!! And after being in labour for 53 hours I was bloody tired!! He turned up the next day!!!! And stayed 3 hours!! I was so angry and still am 9 weeks on!! I was knackered and kept saying it to get him to get the hint! I even pretended to fall asleep on sofa! I kept mentioning how much pain I was in (I had 2 degree tear an stitches) but he just wouldn't leave! That was mine and DH first day at home as a family and I feel like it was ruined!!
His mother...even though she waited to visit at home...she turned up at the hospital uninvited outside of visiting times! We were only allowed 1 visitor! Luckily the MW didn't let her in but I had literally been on the ward 5 mins!
Just unacceptable!