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finding things difficult :(
Today hubby and I decided we need to start a routine of sorts with Riley, he's almost a month old and he has been fed on demand and falls asleep on us as and when we wants to. Last night we tried to have a bottle of wine with dinner but Riley woke up screaming so hubby had to hold him while I ate and vice versa.
We have to bottle feed him due to his PKU he has to have protein free formula as well as 14oz of regular formula spread over 5 feeds. At just shy of 4 weeks he will happily down 5oz in one go. He is fed roughly every 4 hours but tonight he had 5oz and 2 1/2 hours later wanted more!!
I suggested to hubby we bath him, feed him and try to put him down in his cot in the nursery tonight as he has been in his moses basket in our room. We tried it but I just couldn't do it and sat in the nursery sobbing at the idea of leaving him there. I really just can't bring myself to do it.
He just seems so unhappy I don't know what I'm doing wrong. My husband totally understands and supports me in whatever I do but I feel like I'm failing somehow but I just don't know what I'm doing wrong. Both me and hubby hold him for hours, he is fed, clean, but still he cries and cries.
Its so frustrating and disheartening, why can't I do this. Having a baby is the most natural thing in the world so why is it so difficult?
We have to bottle feed him due to his PKU he has to have protein free formula as well as 14oz of regular formula spread over 5 feeds. At just shy of 4 weeks he will happily down 5oz in one go. He is fed roughly every 4 hours but tonight he had 5oz and 2 1/2 hours later wanted more!!
I suggested to hubby we bath him, feed him and try to put him down in his cot in the nursery tonight as he has been in his moses basket in our room. We tried it but I just couldn't do it and sat in the nursery sobbing at the idea of leaving him there. I really just can't bring myself to do it.
He just seems so unhappy I don't know what I'm doing wrong. My husband totally understands and supports me in whatever I do but I feel like I'm failing somehow but I just don't know what I'm doing wrong. Both me and hubby hold him for hours, he is fed, clean, but still he cries and cries.
Its so frustrating and disheartening, why can't I do this. Having a baby is the most natural thing in the world so why is it so difficult?
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Replies
I completely feel your pain- I've just posted a very similar thing in here - have a read, some of the ladies have written of their own experiences and offered some advice which might help you too.
xx
I think your idea of a bedtime routine is a really good one and it's never too early to start a 'feed- bath- songs/books etc- feed- cuddles- bed' type routine.
But, one month is still very early days to introduce a daytime routine - by all means try if that is what you want - but don't put yourself under any pressure to because 'you feel he should be in a routine by now'. It's fine to be completely babyled at this age.
I would have had a pretty hard time putting baby in his own room too at 1mth - it's natural to feel so attached to them you don't want to let them out of your sight!
Sorry probably not much help - but just wanted to say don't put yourself under any pressure - just enjoy being babyled and him falling asleep on you if that's what you want!
I found mine fell into a routine fairly naturally at around 4months-ish.
xx
Lol - just modified cos it didn't make sense!
[Modified by: ~ Tottie ~ on May 30, 2010 10:08 PM]
And dont let this alarm you but I rarely eat a meal in peace now, he seems to know exactly when its a mealtime and wakes up/starts grizzling. DH often has to cut my food up so I can eat one handed!
re bedtime i've done the same since birth re bath dimmed lights etc so they learn day and night even if they dont sleep much during either!!
good luck with everything
Keeley and Rafferty 25weeks!
She didn't like her moses basket and she was easily disturbed by us. She was far happier in her own room but then she does have an idependant streak lol.
Are you getting the impression LO doesn't like the moses basket? If so I'd grit your teeth (I know it's hard I really do) and put him in a cot, maybe in your room if that is happier for you and baby.
If you think he's being disturbed by you in the night perhaps put his moses basket in the cot. What we did when LO was in her own room was to leave door open, landing light on and our bedroom door open so she got background noise but not the loud volume of Daddy's snoring!
I'd stick to the bedtime routine, it does help relax the babies even if it takes a while for them to start to anticipate what will happen. We did although it was the only bit of routine we had and our LO was a really good sleeper from about 1 week in her own room. Prior to that she was sleeping 2 hours tops and then feeding/crying for 2 hours while obviously exhausted.
Good luck hun, we're all behind you x
We do bath / clean nappy and feed at 7.30 - 8pm and then down to bed. I then feed again at 11 and she wakes me for a feed during the night, usually at about 3am. I make sure the curtains are closed and lights off and she's upstairs after bath and clean nappy. I do go up with her (because I'm so tired!) and she is sleeping in with me. She is sleeping pretty well in the night so far.
Both my children had a sixth sense about dinner time and so often one of us would eat and then the other. We used to adjust when we ate so that it fitted in with the baby being asleep but that didn't always work.
I can't offer a lot of help except that, what your baby is doing is pretty normal and definitely no reflection of you as a mum. Also (and I appreciate this probably doesn't help much) it really doesn't last long. By 6 weeks you'll notice a difference and then another in 8 weeks but you'll probably notice the difference by looking back rather than at the time ifyswim.
I think a bedtime routine is always a good idea just don't have high expectations of him sticking to it. Our little man struggled with colic but every night I used to bath him and feed him in the nursery before putting him down and every night I used to end up bringing him down with us again screaming but now he goes down like a dream at night (he's 5 months).
You don't say why you are trying to put him in his cot in the evening whether hes' outgrown his moses basket or that there is some reason you can't put him down in your room. Both my husband and I are in and out fo our bedroom in the evenings so when I started putting Sebastian to bed upstairs in the evenings I would put him in the moses basket in the cot in the nursery but then bring the moses basket into our room when we went to bed.
Another couple of things you touched on:-
He may start going through growth spurts from now on which may explain the extra feeding.
I can understand why you would want to start having some time in the evenings on your own but he really will only be like this for a short space of time and when it's gone believe it or not you'll want it back!!
at 4 weeks dd was eating every 2 and a half hours all the time. it is only recently, now she is 10 weeks, that she goes longer, and that might only be 3-4 hours, but she is putting on a great deal of weight.
i think if you know that your life revolves around the baby and his needs and you dont try to do the same things as you did before, then it might be easier to deal with. at 4 weeks the thought of putting her in her own room hadnt even crossed my mind and it still hasnt. she'll be with us for at least 6 months, nor the thought of wine. it sounds a little bit like you expect your life to be the same as it was before to some extent.
how was last night?
[Modified by: ***Calleigh*** on May 31, 2010 07:05 PM]
Also, I find a bedtime routine really useful - it's kind of like the full stop at the end of the day. I think (!) Matilda realises that too and I think it does help her go down.
I see what Calleigh is saying about knowing your life is different and that if you resign yourself to not doing things you did before then you won't be disappointed if you can't do them but I disagree - we sit down together to eat every night (and a few of those nights a bottle of wine has been had too!) you just have to be flexible. I'm aware we can't say 'Dinner will be served at 7 pm prompt' but there is nothing to stop you having it simmering away (and the wine chilling) until Riley is settled. I really think it's important that you do try to do 'normal' things (like eat a hot dinner ) as well - I know that's largely what's kept me sane!
Hope you feel better soon xxx