oh god - have i just been really selfish
sorry ladies - it is a rant
i feel so bad - its been abit of a journey to get Toby (yes sarah we know for gods sake stop going on about it) but i was talking to an aquantence (sp) outside the supermarket today and they basically said that i was selfish and "cruel" to think about having a baby when i know i will have to go back to a 50 hour a week job. I take things far too seriously but i feel so bad - did i lose my angels because they knew i couldnt look after them properly? And how unfair have i been on Toby to palmn him off on family and childcare.
I feel so guilty now but i have to go back to work to pay the mortgage and we need to do so much to the house - watermains rediverted, electrics redone, subsidence oh the joys of owning your own home.
I have tried to think of ways around it or ways to go part time but there isnt another option - feeling sorry for the most important person in my life
i feel so bad - its been abit of a journey to get Toby (yes sarah we know for gods sake stop going on about it) but i was talking to an aquantence (sp) outside the supermarket today and they basically said that i was selfish and "cruel" to think about having a baby when i know i will have to go back to a 50 hour a week job. I take things far too seriously but i feel so bad - did i lose my angels because they knew i couldnt look after them properly? And how unfair have i been on Toby to palmn him off on family and childcare.
I feel so guilty now but i have to go back to work to pay the mortgage and we need to do so much to the house - watermains rediverted, electrics redone, subsidence oh the joys of owning your own home.
I have tried to think of ways around it or ways to go part time but there isnt another option - feeling sorry for the most important person in my life
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Replies
Ahhh makes my blood boil - don't be hard on yourself there's no need xx
I know I will find it hard to go back to work, I'd love to stay home with my lo, but we just can't afford for me to do so, and it's unlikely I'll be able to work part-time either However, if anyone judges me on it they'll get a bloody mouth full and this would be very out of character for me too! lol.
Peeptoe and Hugo
ps. please remind me I said this when I have to go back to work in October and am filled with self doubt about my decision!!
What you are doing is providing Toby with the bast and in time providing a solid future and an understanding of hard work etc that will show him the right ways in life (not that if your a sahm you wouldn't)
You don't need to be with your kids 24 7 for them to know that you love them and for most mothers (including my good self) staying at home isn't an option as much as we'd like it
next time ignore her xx
Ignore her, everyone has to make their life work for them and your LO knows his mummy loves him and as far as I'm concerned that is all that matters.
Chin up x
I'm sure you've heard that before, and it stands true. Our Angel babies were never meant to make it to us. But that has nothing to do with how you look after Toby.
If it was someone you care about making comments, then I can understand getting upset. But you are entitled to be a mummy, and you do a fab job. As a mummy you do what you need to for your children. For some that is working, others it's staying at home. A lot of us would like to stay at home, but in the world we live in, that's not possible.
You will spend time with Toby, it will be quality time, and you will both be more appreciative of it.
Ignore her, she doesn't know you or your family clearly. ((Hugs)) xx
your a wonderful mummy and thats not going to change just because you work and want to provide toby with the very best...sheesh im pissed off for you xx
Now please don't shoot me but I do know some people who say that would like to be a SAHM but they can't afford it, due to house, mortgage, etc. and I must admit some make me mad! I have friends and family that go to work, in order to pay the bills, etc. but IMO they have stretched themselves far too much and lost sight of reality.
What's more important a 4 bed house, garage, garden and 2 cars - but spend less than an hour of quality time a day with your children and still have to work most weekends. Or a 2 bed terraced with yard, 1 car and you get to be a SAHM or at worst work part-time?
Please believe me when I say I'm not aiming this at you, I just wanted to offer an alternative point of view based on my experiences. Try not to take things too personal, like I said earlier you know how you feel and that's all that matters xx
And no hon, I doubt very much that is why your angels didnt come. You have proven to be a fabulous mumma x
I believe people who judge others obviously have their own insecurities and are best ignored!
You are a fab mummy to Toby but he cant live on your love alone, he needs food, warmth and a roof over his head! If to provide this you have to work you have to work, it just means that the time you do spend with him will be quality time and both you and he will appreciate it more.
Ignore the silly witch, it must be so nice to have such a rose tinted view of the world and to be so perfect you can afford to judge others!
Big hugs to you and your gorgeous boy xxxx
you do what you have to to provide the best for your child, silly moose!
I have to say Lawso I think its a little unfair to judge like that.
I live in an area of Norfolk where the nearest town is full of cheapish terrace houses but they are all full of junkies and layabouts who don't work but shoplift all day long (i'm not exaggerating, its a hugely deprived area). We had our first house in this area but vowed we would NEVER bring a child up in this area. I don't want my children socialising with junkie scumbags adn going to schools with nothing but trouble!!
So a few years ago we decided to move out to a 3bed semi in the suburbs with nice green areas, good schools and hard working people. But yes this means I have to work 4 days a week too to support this lifestyle, So yes I am away from my son 4 days a week from 8 til 4.
I would much rather do this so my son can have a good stable lifestyle and go to a good school and have nice friends with nice parents. I also know when he gets older he's safe walking in the area we live in as he certainly wouldn't be in the town.
Call me a snob if you like (I can assure you i'm not I married a scouser!! lol!!)
sorry rant over
I was basing my comments on friends and family I have in this situation, not on anyone else. The houses I am making comparisons with a around the corner from each other, same area, same people, same schools but ??100k more, as they are bigger, have the garden, garage, etc. that so many people strive for. Don't get me wrong, I'm not knocking anyone who wants this but it just gets my back up when those same people moan about having to work, say they want to be a SAHM but can't afford to, when they could live in a slightly smaller place, give up a few luxuries and not have any mortgage to have to work for!
Please don't listen to the person, you are far from selfish, us mums have it hard enough without these comments. My job also includes long hours and I work pretty much every evening when my lo is in bed.
Emma x