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Feeling guilty - advice please
Hi ladies,
Just after some advice really, my baby girl is just 11days old... And as the days go by I am feeling more and more guilty cuz I feel like I am willing her to go to sleep all the time
not because I don't want her awake but because she is very rarely content when she's awake, she'll be ok for 5 mins or so then she'll scream until she falls asleep and nothing seems to comfort her!
I want to be able to spend time playing with her when she's awake, talking to her, singing to her etc... But instead when she wakes up I find myself wishing she would go sleep
I could cry sometimes, what a horrible mother I must be to think that! I love my little girl so much but I find the screaming so hard to deal with, obviously I make sure she's not hungry or in need of a change but even after that she still isn't content for more than 5 minutes being awake!
Michelle & Phoebe
Just after some advice really, my baby girl is just 11days old... And as the days go by I am feeling more and more guilty cuz I feel like I am willing her to go to sleep all the time
not because I don't want her awake but because she is very rarely content when she's awake, she'll be ok for 5 mins or so then she'll scream until she falls asleep and nothing seems to comfort her! I want to be able to spend time playing with her when she's awake, talking to her, singing to her etc... But instead when she wakes up I find myself wishing she would go sleep
I could cry sometimes, what a horrible mother I must be to think that! I love my little girl so much but I find the screaming so hard to deal with, obviously I make sure she's not hungry or in need of a change but even after that she still isn't content for more than 5 minutes being awake! Michelle & Phoebe
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Replies
Are the MW o HV still visiting so you could talk to them about it? Is there anyone else that can help out, and maybe take her for an hour so that you can have a rest? The sleep deprivation doesn't help with your emotions either, so catching up (if possible) may help. Maybe try taking her out for a walk in the pram to try & settle her, this may give you both a rest?
I hope that you get to the bottom of it, and that things improve soon, sending you big hugs xx (ps. LOVE the name Phoebe, it's beautiful!)xx
[Modified by: honeyPops on June 23, 2010 07:14 PM]
It doesn't make you a bad mummy at all, what you're feeling is perfectly normal. Having a newborn is exhausting and I remember feeling so happy when lo was peacfully sleeping!
It will get better, around 4 weeks old my lo started smiling and interacting and actually stopped being a total grump when awake. Your job at the moment is to feed lo, rest when they're resting and give lots of cuddles when they're grizzling. The rest will all come with time and if you're anything like me , in 12 months time you'll be counting down the hours until naptime when you can put your feet up for 5 minutes with a cuppa!
It's no reflection on how good a mummy you are, I'm a great one, my lo is my whole world but boy do I love sleeptime!x
There isnt much you can do with them at this age darling, there is little reasoning or entertaining them so don't put too much pressure on yourself and feel you HAVE to be doing things with her because you don't, cuddles is about all you can do.. just give it a few weeks when you start getting something back from her - those first smiles, rolls, sitting up etc etc makes it all worth while!
As adorable as they are at the moment shes just a screaming, pooping, feeding machine.. i remember the feeling well!
Hugs xx
My boys are now 8.5 months and I spend some days praying for time to go quicker so I can put them to bed! Then I feel awful, like you, as I only actually have them for 3 days as I work 4 days a week. However, I wouldnt change them for the world! They are hard work, but beautiful, funny, chatty, and showing me new things every day. I struggle to understand how I can love 2 little being so much.
However, it wasnt always like that. My boys are allergic to milk, so the 1st 17 weeks were horrendous until we were diagnosed. I would sob at each feed, and so would they, they were awfully ill and it was horrid.
Things improved dramatically from then on. Yes, im shattered, and there are always new challenges, but you do face them, and things are never as bad when you look back on it.
Overall, you are NORMAL! Everyone feels like this at some point, especially if LO is uncomfortable and unhappy.
Big hugs hun xxx
I remember in the early days I thought we'd never be able to change or bath our daughter without her crying and crying but it soon changed and now she absolutaley loves to be naked or in the water!
There's so many changes for both you and her and it takes time to adjust. I think the hardest part about motherhood is the guilt but the very fact that you feel guilty and posted this shows just how much you care. In a few weeks once you're more rested and she gets used to being here you won't even remember feeling like this - I promise!
Love NN and Olyvia xxx
You're not a bad mother I promise you! You are allowed to want a rest. There's not much you can do with a 2 week old anyway. I remember we just went out for a lot of walks and if he slept in the day so did I! Hang on in there and prepare for some gorgeous smiles coming in your direction in a 3 or 4 weeks.
Mornings are still impossible she just won't settle at all and cries non stop from about 6am till 11am, I cry too cuz I feel like I am helpless to stop it.. But I'm trying to stay positive and persevere in the hope that mornings will get better. I love her sooo much that it just breaks my heart when she gets herself in such a state, think as someone said I'm sure my crying is a result of my hormones a bit too.
Hv is coming for the first time today so I will see if she has any advice to try and settle her in the mornings..x
Dylan used to cry in the afternoons/evenings we used to go for a big family walk put him in either pram or sling and just walk, this would settle him even if just for a short time and the fresh air was great for making me feel better too as the constant crying in the house can get very claustraphobic!
Your doing a great job, dont beat yourself up about things too much
xxxx