being unreasonable?
ugh, i just wrote a really long post and it seems to have disappeared!
anyway, the jist of it was that my group of friends is trying to organise a big night out in another city for when my baby will be about 4 months old.
i don't know yet how bf is going to go, but i plan to do it exclusively until baby is 6 months old. my worry with this night out is the length of time i'll be away from baby - even if i manage to express (i never managed it with my first), surely i'll spend half the night in the bathroom expressing to keep my supply up. And i remember my lo feeding loads at 4 months old.
my friends don't understand and think i'm just being difficult and i got the usual 'just give the baby a bottle' comments which i really don't appreciate and i'm not going to give my baby a bottle just to keep them happy. frankly i just want to tell them to arrange it without me but if i end up ff then i miss out on a night out and i know that if i say i'm not going then they'll be mad at me and possibly cancel the whole thing.
what do i do now? i've already tried to explain that diffiuculties of bf and being away from the baby at that age.
anyway, the jist of it was that my group of friends is trying to organise a big night out in another city for when my baby will be about 4 months old.
i don't know yet how bf is going to go, but i plan to do it exclusively until baby is 6 months old. my worry with this night out is the length of time i'll be away from baby - even if i manage to express (i never managed it with my first), surely i'll spend half the night in the bathroom expressing to keep my supply up. And i remember my lo feeding loads at 4 months old.
my friends don't understand and think i'm just being difficult and i got the usual 'just give the baby a bottle' comments which i really don't appreciate and i'm not going to give my baby a bottle just to keep them happy. frankly i just want to tell them to arrange it without me but if i end up ff then i miss out on a night out and i know that if i say i'm not going then they'll be mad at me and possibly cancel the whole thing.
what do i do now? i've already tried to explain that diffiuculties of bf and being away from the baby at that age.
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Replies
My LO is 6 months old and i have been out with the girls a few times now but its never been really late due to knowing i will be upo at least a few times when i get back home!
wh does it have to be in another city?
i remember my first lo feeding a lot at that age too, i didn't have a proper big night out until he had started weaning. And i was knackered too.
One of the group is pregnant as well and already a mum, and got a bit offended by my refusal to give baby a bottle - i wasn't having a go at ff but it's really not something i want to do. None of them have experience of bf so i guess couldn't understand that it's not as easy as 'just giving baby a bottle' or expressing enough milk to last potentially 8 hours!
No I dont think you are being unreasonable, BF or FF - a lot depends on your LO and how tired you are. Dont feel guilty, there will be plenty of other good nights out if they are good friends................
xxx
When ds2 was 5 mths old we took fil to the theatre in London for his 80th. I fed ds all afternoon and we left at 6pm to get the train. It was fine - my mum had little cartons of formula to give him, and he was a very easy baby so I had no worries on that score.
BUT, I could feel my boobs gradually expanding during the evening! By the time we on the train home they felt ready to explode - I have never been so happy to get home again in my life!
If it was just a night out , rather than an occasion I would be tempted to give it a miss, or just buy a ticket with the option of selling it on it you don't want to go. I know how hard it can be with friends!
xx
What will happen if you go and they end up wanting to go on somewhere after? You are going to want to go home instead and would you be ok travelling home alone at night?
You have to do what is right for you, not what pleases your friends.
You and your baby come first! xx
Turns out the tickets are already bought as of first thing this morning, so I was too late to back out, but I've aired my doubts again that I'll be able to go and have said that we may just need to sell my ticket if I can't be away for so long. I've decided that if they give me a hard time about cancelling then they're not worth bothering about anyway, but hopefully it'll all work out ok!
I hope it all works out ok in the end for you whichever way it goes xx
I've had two hen parties since dd2 (3 months) has been born and have just had to say no to both of them (one of them I went along in the daytime with her for a few hours). Luckily my friends have been understanding. She doesn't have a bottle and she's fed on demand so I have to be with her 24/7, and that's that. Can't you just tell them that, and like you say if they don't accept it they're not worth bothering with!
It was incredibly complicated and wouldn't work in most situations but we managed it and I got my first night out since his birth. I agree with Tottie that you won't know what your lo's habits will be by then. So no, you aren't being the least bit unreasonable. They are being so to have booked without consulting you! Hope you manage to get it sorted out.
xxx
It was my best friends 30th a few weeks ago and a group of friends were going out. I was obviously invited, along with another friend who has a lo three weeks younger than my daughter. She went to the night out while her partner stayed home. I didnt go as im not ready to leave my daughter. I had a very traumatic end of pregnancy ending in my lo being delivered by emcs at 34+5. Not one of my friends said anything other than positive comments. Even the ones who don't have children yet were all really supportive and we then arranged a second baby-friendly event.
Sorry if i rambled but i guess im just a little confused as to why they wouldnt be unconditionally supportive towards your feelings.
Just wanted to add your not being unreasonable at all. I BF also but it was our 1st wedding anniversary 5 weeks after lo was born. I expressed manically in week4 and 5 to allow me and dh to have a night together and that lo has enough ebm to last not only the night but through the night and onto next morning so I could enjoy a coupleof glasses of wine without it affecting feeding. BF did come reasonabley easy to us though and expressing also. It can be done if you are happy to leave your lo and you plan an 'expression' schedule ( I always found in the middle of the night after a feed on one boob produced the most on the other) BUT as I had been expressing so much and feeding on demand to a growth spurt baby I found my boobs becames hard afull and very very tender quickly and had to expresss and throw a lot of milk away.
This worked for us but I most definatley would not have gone to lengths I went to for a night out with friends it was only as it was such a special occassion really. sorry for the ramble I just wanted to to see that If it is what you want you can do it but if you dont then I would tell your friends that you feel pressurised by them about this and you wish they could understand how hard BF is. They should feel guilty for their behaviour and lack of support. No real friend behaves like that x