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Things you wish people had told you before your first birth!

Hi Girls

I hope you are all well.

I just thought I'd start a discussion aou the things that you wish people ahd told you before your first birth.

I imagine that there are loads of unexpected things that really can't prepare you for your first baby, and I don't know about you but not knowing is quite scary.. especially the birth.

I know from when I got married last August i organised things right down to the finest detail, but there were a few hiccups and things that happened I just didn't consider in the flurry and excitement of the day. For example, mum took off the rose corsage (that was the highlight of my dress) and forgott where it was (it was in the dress bag).. the flower girl and sister in law were very late becasue they got lost on the way, my veil wasn't pinned in properly and kept falling out right through the wedding ceremony.. blah blah, there were loads of little things.

What do you wish people had told you, or what happened you didn't think of?? DISCUSS PLEAE!

I'm really interested. XXX


  • I wish people would have told me about how much it stings when you go for a wee after giving birth i was not prepared for it at all im dreading that more than the labour now....but i will be prepared and make sure i go in the bath just before i get out as pouring a jug of water whilst you are going doesnt always work especially as sometimes you keep stopping weeing cos youre scared it will hurt and you run out of water in the jug!!!!!

    I also wish they would have informed me of how many people will come to visit and how many bunches of flowers i would get......make sure you have plenty of drinks in and vases!!!! we had about 20 people each day for the first couple of days.

    thats about it really apart from dont worry about cleaning just enjoy the first few weeks because they are so tiny for only a little while and i think you need to make the most of every little second!!!!

  • I wish people had told me that first babies are NOT always late and that a premature birth CAN happen to anyone!
  • I'm thinking of a water birth, do you think this is safe for a first time? X
  • of course it's safe first time - why wouldn't it be??!
  • G/C but im the same as Lelly also a no 2 so sore sorry tmi there lol i dabbed rather then wiped with damp toilet roll

    and another thing was walking after john Wayne lol i remember lying in my bed watching the other lady across the room get up and walk and wondered why she was walking so funny...wasn't until i got up did i realise lol

    oh and the other was the checks the midwives do on you when your home,never expected it and being a bit of a prude in a way (more so about my own body and keeping it private,labour was alright as it had a purpose) i found it a bit hard

    but saying all that im trying to do it all again image
  • lelly, dont worry. with my first i cried when i went for a wee after it was so painfull. i also had really bad afterpains and i was so scared it would be they same after no2 but it wasnt i couldnt believe it when i went for a wee and it didnt hurt a bit.
  • ooh the soreness, I think its the fear of the unknown for me, I just don't know what to expect at all, I just want it to be as quick and comfortable with as much support as possible fo me, I'm a right wimp! X
  • stupid computer!

    [Modified by: siandonna on July 06, 2010 10:18 AM]

  • I wish I'd been told just how much blood you loose after giving birth! I guess it is different for each lady, but for me personally it was MUCH more and much heavier than any period I've had. I remember sitting on the loo for a wee... and they asked me to measure my urine for the first few toilet trips... but my wee just looked red because of the blood loss! I was mortified but was told it was completely normal, there were lots of clots also. sorry thats way TMI but hopefully it will prepare somebody and put them at rest when they bleed heavily too!

    I also (this sounds so stupid) wasn't prepared for my first day or two with a newborn. I'd spent 9months getting used to pregnancy and preparing for birth but had NO idea what to do when I had a baby to care for. I was alone in the hospital for my first few hours or more due to visiting times, and when Evie cried I remember thinking.... ok.... now what do i do?! I didn't know when i should change her nappy or anything. I remember after a few hours seeing one of the other mummys doing a nappy and it suddenly struck me.. maybe i should do Evie's too! good job i did as she'd done her first poo. But in all seriousness, the midwives weren't very helpful at all, it was quite busy, so i was literally on my own and completely niave and clueless. This time round I'll be so much more confident just to take charge with my baby and have a better idea of what to do!

  • As a first timer, who has just been to her first antenatal class and is now thinking about the whole birth aspect of it seriously, this is a GREAT thread, keep it going ladies and thnaks for sharing x
  • Im with Maximum - I had no idea that premature births just happened until Finlay came very early and unexpectedly at 30 weeks!
    Also, i wish someone had told me that you can make all the plans in the world for the birth, but when your baby makes an appearance it wont matter how and when or why, but it will be all worth it in the end!
  • that u really never do know how its gonna go, and even tho ur birth plan states u would like a mobile active (poss water) birth with minimum interference sometimes nature needs a hand and u end up with induction and em c section (and how long an induction can take, which they did tell me, i just assumed that was a v rare scenario and that it'd never happen to me ) difficult bf can be without the right help and support (its always made out to be easy as pie, and that can u leave u feeling quite low when ur already feeling quite vulnerable) but with the proper help and support it can be a truely wonderful thing.
    that growth spurts exist! those first 6 weeks he'd go thru little stages of constantly wnating to feed and being so upset, i thought there was something wrong, but each time i called a mw i was told 'it's a growth spuirt', why they can't prewarn u i don't know, would save a lot of panic!


    ps, water birth would be prefectly safe as long as ur considered low risk (regardless of first or fifth pregnancy), not sure why it wouldn't be?
  • I've heard that the aftercare at my local hospital is awful, simply becasue they are so busy and shortstaffed, so you get left to your own devices. I guess its hard with not knowing and also being tired etc its all a huge shock to the system. I think as partners cannot stay after the birth after 9pm, when I get left in an open ward with lots of crying babies I will be a bit scared and like you said not know how to change a nappy or what to do. I'm hoping instinct wil kick in, maybe I need to practice on a a friends baby to change a nappy, I seriously have NO idea! X
  • Hi Girls, this is really helpful, my mum got all funny with me when I said I was thinking of a water birth and said, definatley not for your first, you want to be constantly monitored and told what to do with your first.. I'm so confused about the differences with consultant and midwife lead and how much monitoring they do with a water birth. Ireally feel I want lots of support and for the midwife to step in and help me through it, also monitoring to check there's no problems. What tests do they do? Whats a sweep?
  • can't help you about the monitoring but a sweep is when they 'sweep' their finger over the cervix to try and get it started, you would only have this if labour is v slow or not getting started at all, have heard it is quite painless and can be done a couple of times if needed. Are you booked on any antenatal classes? I only ask cos I was quite confused about it all and after only 1 of my 3 classes so far feel so much better about it all
  • i wish someone had told me before i had my 1st about the burning when he was crowning and how had it was to stop mid push so baby could turn the pain lol

    also about going for a wee after ouch and well after that the fear of going for a number to was even worse i recomend baby wipes insead of loo roll lol

    OMG why am i doing it again lol

  • you definatly do not want o be monitored constantly, unless its needed. the best thing you can do for a quicker easier labour is be up right and mobile. if your strapped to a monitor on your back things will not happen as quick. i know comlications can happen but you really need to trust your body and listen to it, i have never had an internal when in labour ( i have 2 kids) because the mw could see from my reactions where i was. dont over complicate things, it will happen regardless and the staff will be there to help if anything unexpected happens.
  • G/C from baby

    TBH birth was every bit as painful as I had been told/ expected. A useful tip was take FYBOGEL after birth before you have to do your first number 2. Its not a laxative and am fiarly sure it can be used thorugh pregnancy but anyway it assisted the first 'passing' or three and made it a billion times more bearable .

    I second - first babies are not always late. I had my entire last weekend of freedom planned but oh no , it didnt happen. Am still waiting for that night outto the local indiamnresturant as it hapens ! lol
    I wish i had been told that for most women their bodys will change forever. eg lady bits I had an episiostomy and although surgeon was fab and sewed me back up again very well things are slighty different down there and for ages I was self conscious, that and the baby weight - 9 months on I am 2 pounds off having all baby weight off but I am no where near the size I was, I have skinnier arms and legs but that tum just will not shift!

    All the stuff about BF and how hard it really is and that babys have growth spurts that cause them to eat like a eat , probabley obvious to most but I did ring my friend in tears when lo would not stop feeding only for her then to explain what happens in a growth spurt ! If you had told me before I wouldnt have got upset!

    Good luck to all you ladies, it really it so exciting. Am starting to get very broody again ready all these replys xx
  • Mine would be the same as Maximum! We both had prem 1st babies and I NEVER in a million years would have thought that would happen to me!

    Also I wish people wouldn't say how slow 1st labours are- even when I was 10cm and trying not to push the mw's were saying to me "no, no love 1st labours are on average 17hrs and you have only been in labour 6hrs, long way to go yet" shame then that my baby boy was born less than 20 minutes after that comment :roll:

    I wish someone had told me just how emotional I would be. Maybe it was because I had a prem baby is SCBU but I cried every day for about 3 weeks (and he was only in hosp for 10 days!) Tears of joy, sadness at the abrupt end of my pregnancy, guilt etc etc. I also was very upset at the lack of visitors as people didn't want to 'put on me' having a new and very tiny baby. I would have loved to see more people- especially when I was in hospital.

    One thing I am glad I was warned about by a very good friend of mine was how you may not feel an instant love for your baby and I certainly didn't. I thought he was beautiful and felt protective of him but I didn't get that rush of instant love. I think mostly it was shock but it took a good few days to feel that love. Now we are very close and very bonded so did us no harm!
  • G/C saw this on main page

    that despite going for 3 sweeps and eating pineapple, drinking raspberry leaf tea , bouncing on the bloody ball ( which was seriously painfull for me) eating chilly/curries etc till i couldnt do it any more - sometimes the only way your lo will budge is through a having a magic little tablet inserted somewhere . oh and labour can start REALLY quickly once they start inducing you! I had tablet popedin at 3 and was in major pain by 5 and labour ward by 7! The pain was a big shock after not even having one contraction naturally!!!

    oh and soon after and for a few months you may find you loose alot of hair - this is cause when pregnant, you loose less ahir cause of hormones and when baby arrives all the hair that should have fallen out naturally starts falling out now. i felt like i had a receeding hair line but he is nearly 2 and you would never know it had happened.
    Love fi
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