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babies, trying and grief all rolled into one!

hi girls. as a few of you know from me being on here a while, its been a bit of a rollercoaster for me lately. i lost my amazing dad in april and before that, had a lot of trouble with my SIL when she got pregnant. we made up after dad died and she had a beautiful little boy on sunday. he is amazing and i love being an auntie. its just now i feel so sad!!im not sure if its the grief talking, but she is there with a little baby i've been longing for (which makes me mega broody) and i'm dissappointed that its not me, like a selfish little madam. then i look at her dad and feel like my kids wont have a grandad and i'm not sure if i want to do this baby thing without my dad image its so god damn horrible feeling like this... sorry for the long long post, i think i just needed to talk image xx


  • Awww hun, Im so sorry to hear about yr dad.((hugs)) ...and yr not been a selfish madam, your still grieving for yr dad combined with the longing for a baby. yr only human.x Your dad would want you to become a mummy, im sure he'll be looking down on u trying his hardest to make yr wish come true. xxx ..........sorry im not too good with giving advice, just wanted you to know im thinking of
  • thank you image you're such a lovely group of girls and i've just shed some tears. its hard to watch someone else have a bub, even if you love them loads, especially if you so desperatley want one yourself, we will all get there!xx
  • Oh hun, I'm so so sorry to hear your sad news. I know exactly what you're going through. My dad died a while ago now but I still miss him terribly.

    It''s all still so so recent for you. You're bound to be in bits. It sounds daft but I often talk to my dads photo and have a good cry and I always feel better. As Nic said, you're dads watching over you and he's with you every step of the way. When you do become a mommy, you're babies WILL have a grandad as you will ensure his memory lives on. When they're older, you can show them photographs and tell them about his character. My DH's dad died recently as well & every year on his bday, my SIL lets the kids release balloons to give to grandad in heaven.

    I wish I could do something to take your sadness away, we're all here if you need us hun x
  • god you're all wonderful!i just want to live on BE in a happy little nice person world lol thanks girls xx
  • Dont be sad deb! The girls are so right, it's totally natural to feel a bit jealous when you want a baby of your own. Just remember that it WILL happen!
    You are really brave to come on here and talk about how you feel and nobody will think badly of you for being honest about how you feel about stuff.
    That's why we are here - to say the things that you couldn't say to other people! So feel free to let rip agan when you need it!
    No more tears though or you'll have us all at it! haha!!
  • hope ur ok deb? only just saw this post! ur not being selfish i would feel exactly the same! try not to think ur babies will be without a grandad, please rather than think they wont have a grandad make sure when they do get older that they know what a wonderful dad and grandad he was and what he was like and looked like etc so hes still a part of their lives?

    you will get ur bfp soon! sending u massive hugs! xxxxxx
  • Hope your feeling better this morning.x ((hugs)) xx
  • Aww hon, don't be so hard on yourself, all your feelings are completely normal.

    (((((big hug)))))
  • hi, i feel a lot better today thanks. there was a lot of grandad talk last night with my in laws and it kind of rubbed it in a bit!its all calmed down a bit now though. just wondering when to book a smear if you are ttc?ive done a load of paperwork, dentist appointments etc and the smear was in my to do pile :/ xx
  • hiya deballen, glad to hear ur feeling better image misspinkplayboy had one the other day, not sure where she was in her cycle tho? but i would say to do it about cd6-8? so af has finished and wont effect ur ov? xxx
  • Hi Deballen

    Sorry to gatecrash here but i know how your feeling with losing your dad.

    My father died last April when i was 30 weeks pregnant. He never met his beautiful amazing grandaughter and it hurts me everyday but i'm determined to make sure she knows who he was and how amazing and loved he was.

    I have an apple tree in the garden which her bedroom over looks and when she gets up on a morning we point to it and talk about grandads apple tree. When she's older she'll be able to pick apples from it. Dad would have loved that as he was very green fingered.

    I also have a picture of him, me and mum on my wedding day that is next to her cot so he's the last thing she see's on a night and the 1st thing she see's in the morning. She now points to other pictures in the house and says grandad which sad as it is, is lovely at the same time.

    My heart totally goes out to you hun. Its terrible and its something you may never fully recover from. Its his birthday tomorrow and i'm dreading it. But once you have a little bundle of joy in your arms, things will get better. It has for me.

    Good luck TTC! image

    Sending lots of love.

    Vicky xxxx
  • awwww vicky that made me cry! thats so sweet! hope u and lo are ok and hopefully that will help deb too image xxxx
  • aww thanks vicky.its only early days so i should expect to be upset still i suppose!i really want my kids (when i have them) to know about their grandad. we have a lovely black and white portrait of my family in the spare room, which hasnt been put up yet as it is too painful for me. i hope that it does get easier, especially with a little one at some point.
    i'll think of you tomorrow as its going to be such a hard day for you, at least we know how each other feels image xxxxxx
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