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Some advice please

Hi all
I hope you don't mind me g/c, but I just felt I needed someone to talk to.
My best friend got pregnant with quads back in January and they were born last Wednesday at 26 +5 gestation. Sadly on Saturday just gone the tiny quad a girl at only 10oz passed away.
We are all so devestated, I have known my friend since she was born and she is like a sister to me.
When she rang me she was so upset and I feel so helpless that I cannot take her pain away. She is trying to be strong for the other babies who are still fighting whilst greiving for her lost daughter, I cannot even imagine what she is going through.
Can anyone offer me any advice, I don't want to keep bugging her by texting her all the time to see how she is and she has asked for no one but her hubby, parents and in laws to visit her for a few days so I can't go and give her a hug but I really want to make sure she is ok and that she knows she can scream, cry, shout anything at me just so long as she knows I am there for her and I love her no matter what.
Can anyone give me any advice on how I can show her I care.
Also I had planned to give the babies shawls with thier names embroidered onto them, I am completely torn as to whether I should give her one with the babies name on, as she is still thier daughter and is loved by them, or would this be too painful, I don't want to not give one and it look like she never mattered, does that make sense?
To all of you I am so sorry for your losses, I wish I could take all of your pain away, life is so unfair.
Rhian x


  • Hiya,
    I already posted in multiples. Defo give the shawl!! Its a beautiful thing you have made & she will be glad you are giving Grace her place.
    There will be a lot of fuss & people showing their sadness but the time when she will truely need you is in the coming weeks & months when people go back to normality. She may never get over this loss & will need people to understand. I'm so sorry she has lost her daughter!
    If there is anything I can do, I would be glad to help. Julie xxxx
  • Hi, I am so sorry for your friend. I lost my baby last year and my good friend has been a tower of strength for me. When no-one wanted to talk or acknowledge my loss she did. She asked me questions and made me feel like my baby mattered, even though it was only really me who knew him as he was born sleeping at 37wks. I think the idea of the shawl is just lovely. She can keep it along with all the other keepsakes she will have for her angel baby.
    In the early days my friend sent me a text which I still have on my phone, it said, I will give you time to grieve on your own, but anytime you don't want to be alone and need someone to talk to i'll also come running, day or night, i'm always here for you. That meant a great deal to me.
    Take care, Luv kathryn xxx
  • Thank you all so much for your replies.
    Just a quick update on my friend, I saw her Friday night and she is ok and coping but still very emotional as expected, she said she just has so much to think about with the other three babies and then she thinks about Grace and the emotions run haywire again.
    She has named the other three babies who are all doing well, two girls Sophia and Megan and a little boy Alexander so the is a positive step.
    The funeral is booked for Thursday and she has told me she is dreading it, I am just going to be there as much as I can for her. We are all taking each day as it comes.
    Thanks again
    Rhian x
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