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Advice PLEASE - managing with a 2 year old and a newborn
Hi Ladies
I have a 2 year old (Ethan) and 7 week old (Tom) - both lovely boys. At the moment I'm finding it incredibly difficult to cope with evening times when my husband is on late shifts at work (he finishes at 11pm), which is quite a lot. This means he misses the busiest and therefore most difficult time of the day and I'm left to cope alone. There is no-one else to help us.
Tom is particularly demanding of me between tea time and bed time, but of course during this time I'm trying to get Ethan fed, feed myself, bath him and get him to bed. Tom just wants to be held during this time - he isn't hungry, we've solved the 'wind' problem, there's nothing wrong, he just simply wants to be held!!! If I put him in his bouncer he just screams and screams until I pick him up. I can't put him in a sling because I have a bad back and this would set it off. He doesn't like going in the buggy or car seat when neither of them are on the move as it were. I've tried music, white noise, the TV (for the colours and movement), everything I can think of. The result is Tom screams through Ethan's tea, I don't get anything to eat and Tom screams through Ethan's bath time and bed time routine. Tom then has his bed time feed and then takes a good couple of hours to settle (by which time it's about 9.30pm and I'm completely exhausted and just want to go to sleep knowing that he will wake again about midnight for another feed).
Any ideas for what I can do??? I'm incredibly reluctant to alter Ethan's routine much because it took a long time to get him into a good evening routine (when he was little he didn't feed well initially, then we moved house which completely unsettled him, he didn't really sleep well until he was about 1 year old!!). Do you think Tom will settle more when he gets a bit older and this will make this time of day a bit easier??? I'm really at my wits end and just feel like I'm completely failing both of my dear little boys. Tom is obviously unhappy during this time and Ethan has to cope with his brother screaming during his tea and what should be a calm and nice bed-time routine.
Any advice please mums. I'm ready to try anything...
Floopy, Ethan and Tom
I have a 2 year old (Ethan) and 7 week old (Tom) - both lovely boys. At the moment I'm finding it incredibly difficult to cope with evening times when my husband is on late shifts at work (he finishes at 11pm), which is quite a lot. This means he misses the busiest and therefore most difficult time of the day and I'm left to cope alone. There is no-one else to help us.
Tom is particularly demanding of me between tea time and bed time, but of course during this time I'm trying to get Ethan fed, feed myself, bath him and get him to bed. Tom just wants to be held during this time - he isn't hungry, we've solved the 'wind' problem, there's nothing wrong, he just simply wants to be held!!! If I put him in his bouncer he just screams and screams until I pick him up. I can't put him in a sling because I have a bad back and this would set it off. He doesn't like going in the buggy or car seat when neither of them are on the move as it were. I've tried music, white noise, the TV (for the colours and movement), everything I can think of. The result is Tom screams through Ethan's tea, I don't get anything to eat and Tom screams through Ethan's bath time and bed time routine. Tom then has his bed time feed and then takes a good couple of hours to settle (by which time it's about 9.30pm and I'm completely exhausted and just want to go to sleep knowing that he will wake again about midnight for another feed).
Any ideas for what I can do??? I'm incredibly reluctant to alter Ethan's routine much because it took a long time to get him into a good evening routine (when he was little he didn't feed well initially, then we moved house which completely unsettled him, he didn't really sleep well until he was about 1 year old!!). Do you think Tom will settle more when he gets a bit older and this will make this time of day a bit easier??? I'm really at my wits end and just feel like I'm completely failing both of my dear little boys. Tom is obviously unhappy during this time and Ethan has to cope with his brother screaming during his tea and what should be a calm and nice bed-time routine.
Any advice please mums. I'm ready to try anything...
Floopy, Ethan and Tom
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Replies
I know you said a sling is out of the question but if you end up having to carry Tom around, then it's worth a try. I have a baby bjorn and find it actually seems to correct my posture.
I do hope some other mums can offer you better advice, wishing you lots of luck xx
As fo feeling you are letting them down... firstly you care not, but the important thing is how you feel and how they feel. Can you try and give Ethan half an hour of special time at somepoint in the day. Tell him its your special time and that you will try and do something special with just him. Tell him that Tom is a baby and cries lots which is hard for him, and that he is being such a good big brother...etcetc etc!
YOu sound like a lovely and very thoughtful mum. You have a mega hard job and i hope you find a bit of respite!
Em x
Ds2 was like tom. He cried and cried when I put him down. However as long as they can't hurt themselves you can always lay him in his cot with his mobile going while you get ethan ready for bed. I had to do this often. Then concentrate on tom once ethan is settled? It is a lot easier said than done I know that!
It does get easier. Now my boys eat together, sleep together and play together. Once tom can grasp toys or go in as door bouncer/activity station you will find he cries less.
I found a 2 year old and a newborn very very hard. You sound like you are doing an amazing job and it does get easier. Keep going. Stick to ethan's routine as much as possible (toddlers tend not to like to be disrupted) he will remain happy and explain to him babies cry. Tom will get easier.
Take care
xxx
i found my swing helpful too as it swung by itself. xxxx
xx
Any other ideas still more that welcome please.
Floopy, Ethan and Tom
DS1 was 20 months when DS2 was born.
I froze some meals so these could just be heated up at teatime & meant I could hold DS2 if he was upset or hungry but DS1 still got fed on time & healthily.
I would also hold DS2 whilst sitting playing, doing puzzles or reading books with DS1. This meant that DS1 got attention but DS2 was still involved & not getting upset.
If I was on my own at bathtime I would just put DS2 in his cot with his mobile on & bath DS1. He would often scream but I would stick my head in every so often just to reassure him I was there.
DS2 is now 4 months & everything is much more settled. He will happily play with toys or watch his big brother whilst I'm getting tea ready & at bathtime he either plays in his cot, watches big brother have a bath from his bouncy chair or has a bath himself.
Hopefully things will settle down for you soon.
Xxx