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Funny Comments In Labour!

Just read a 6 page thread on another website about funny comments people made during labour. Soooo funny!

I told DH that gas and air was just like heroin. Never tried heroin in my life! Not sure the midwife was convinced.

We had been admitted at the same time as one of our nct friends, and were in rooms next to each other. I kept asking DH if he thought they could hear me. Like they were listening at the walls, and not concentrating on their own baby.

Would anyone care to share theirs?


  • when i got taken to theatre i was so high on gas and air i kept waffling on that it was like we were on the real a and e ! What a wally ! Xx
  • I didn't labour long with DD and not at all with DS, but I got quite hysterical in theatre with DD because it was an emergency section at 35 weeks, we thought we were coming in for a checkup and ended up on labour ward! DH had gone home for the baby's bag when they decided to section me and he only just made it for the op because it took an hour to get the spinal epidural done.

    During this hellish hour I ended up curled over propped up by a big burly theatre assistant called Shane and snivelling hysterically that I was NOT supposed to be having a baby, I was SUPPOSED to be going to the cinema for Orange Wednesday to see Pirates of the Caribbean II, and that I just wanted to see Johnny Depp! I also told the consultant on antenatal who told me they wanted to induce me right away because DD was in distress that I couldn't possibly have her yet because we hadn't had the carpet fitted in the nursery. I think I was in a teeny bit of shock!
  • Very funny!!
    Well while I was off my trolley on G&A I said a lot of silly things but can't remember most. However I do remember telling the midwife that they should bottle up G&A and sell it in the shops as it would knock binge drinking on the head! I also told hubby that I could buy him a blood pressure machine for only $73! Yes $!! Lol!
  • I don't think I said that much to be honest- too focused! I do remember commenting on how warm the amniotic fluid felt round my bum when they broke my waters

  • i was in the bath for ages while in labour and had loads of gas and air by this point and remember telling my oh that i felt like i was in a fish tank haha! xx
  • Can't really remember with ds2 but with ds1 I refused to take my socks off lol
  • I was on g&a & a new drug called remi, which is on a push button at ur control & a 2 minute time delay which they also take off u when ur pushing. Well it got to the time of pushing & the mw said right we're gonna take the remi off u now to which my reply was are u f**k & pushed the button loads of times lol. Then there was a clock above my head which with every push I looked up at, only one time it was out of my line of vision & all I was thinking was why have u taken the clock off the wall, what a silly thing to do, surely I'm more important than a bloody clock, maybe the batteries have died in it, oh look there it is silly me!

    My hubby said I was saying in a minute a lot, & at one point he thought my head was gonna rotate! He also said my 1st shot of remi made my pupils go really small & has never seen me smile so much lol

  • Haha! Love these image

    I'm don't swear much but during stage 2, I kept saying "f**k me!", then apologising for swearing - the midwife who was a lovely lady in her late 50's replied to one of my expletives, "I think someone already has - that's why you're here"...haha!

    More please! x
  • hahaha Ruth brilliant!!!

    I was in labour for only 2 hours and after a lot of g&a I told hubby could he not do the pushing for me and I also asked him to kill me :lol:
  • i dont remember all that much, but I was also on the g&a with remi and was quite out of it, but didnt feel it at the time. Apparantley all was quiet when I announced that "those bananas are off!" the midwife and my dh just looked at me, there were no bananas in therem just the yellow clinical waste bin that must have caught me eye. They did end up having a conversation about how quickly bananas go off these days.
    I remember none of this.
    There were loads of other things dh told me i said too, but dont remember.
    Sorry, just remembered another one - midwife was out of the room and I was having a contraction, dh said to me "big breaths" and I replied "Yes I have" with a glint in my eye!
  • g&a + pethidine apparantly led me to suggest to OH that perhaps 'doing the do' would be a good idea to speed things up a bit (had been stuck at 2cm induced for quite some time), he tells me there was a mw in the room at the time too, i have no recollection of that at all ...and when my waters went during an internal exam all over the doctor i kept apologising saying 'i'm sorry, i didn't knwo that was gonna happen' to which he replied 'neither did i' and then went off to get changed in to a dry pair of scrubs lol. xx
  • I hardly spoke through any of my labour, just lay there with my eyes closed trying to relax, so don't really gave any funny stories but (now don't anyone get offended) when I was pushing my MW said, he has alot of hair, if you want to know what colour it Is you have to keep which I screamed at her 'it's not Ginger is it??'

  • I had a very quiet labour, I was only in the hospital for 4 hours until he was born and the meptid really spaced me out, but given that I got to hospital at 12:30am and gave birth at 4:40am I was very tired and just lied down on the bed! I shouted "Oh F***!!* once which is unusual for me (hehe) and kept asking hubby "how much longer" or "how much is out" whilst thinking to myself, I'm never doing this again! Roll on 3 months and I want to do it all again!

    Haha Peanut baby, my brother has red hair so its in my family so all through my pregnancy our friends were taking the mickey saying our baby would be ginger! As it happens, he's blond!
  • Love these!
    When the MW was doing her checks with the heartbeat monitor on my belly, she once asked if she could do it again and I replied "oh do what you bloody well want!" And later I asked DH for a cup of water cos the gas and air was making my throat dry. Just as he gave it to me, I immediately threw it back at him and got water all down my arm (a contraction came at that moment!!) then I started having a go at him for tipping water down my arm, bless him. He was trying to mop it all up for me and my mum was telling me that it's only water, it won't kill me and I kept insisting that it might do!!

    I was so apologetic after labour though, I felt so bad!! DH just thinks it's funny and the MW was going on about how she had heard far worse...!
  • I don't have any funny stories as I am pregnant with my first but this made me giggle. Brilliant thread image

    Charlotte 35+2 xXx
  • With my dd i was a bit out of it on Pethadine and told my husband i needed to go to hospital now and could Bitzie (our dog) stop licking my feet as it was really annoying me :lol: i even remember saying it all thats the weird thing!

    With ds i didn't have any pain relief so its very clear, i remember the funniest comment was about how tight my leggings where as the midwife and hubby yanked them off as babys head was there!! (no one believed me when i said he was coming lol) i said forget how bloody tight they are and get them off!!!!!!!!!!! I knew they where tight but refused to buy anymore :lol:

  • I had a shot of pethidine (great stuff!) and about 2 hours later when the midwife came in to check on us, I asked her if she was making us coronation chicken - not sure why, but my husband certainly found it amusing!

    I just remember thinking that when she was in the corner sorting out the doppler that she was obviously making me some coronation chicken! xx
  • Other than apologising profusely when I was sick everywhere, I didn't actually say much during labour, but they put me back on g&a afterward to stitch me up. Peter was lying on my chest so I was matching my breathing to his and was as high as a kite. I don't know if I actually said it, but I do remember thinking that if First World War soldiers could undergo surgery on the battlefield without anaesthetic, I could survive getting stitched up. Yes, I am a First World War historian, but honestly, of all the things to be thinking about at that moment! :lol:
  • These are all brilliant.
    I had to be induced and I had every pain relief they had going, so I was completely out of it!
    I didn't say many funny things but I didn't nearly fall off the bed countless times, my OH had to keep catching me, bless him.
  • These are all very funny lol.

    The thing I always remember when I had my DD I had no drugs cos I got to the labour ward and I was 8-9cm I was pushing for 45mins but felt like hours the MW was says the baby is coning keep pushing and I kept saying "your lying she us not coming out she us stuck" lol and OH kept telling me after i had finished pushing that it was a good one and I said "how the hell do u no shut up!!!!"

    I did sat sorry as soon as she was in my arms lol
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