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bf'ing and hen night - dilemna
Hi girls, just looking for some oppinions and hopefully reasurance.
My brother is getting married in 6weeks, I am being bridesmaid. Obviously it's expected that I'll be going on the hen night, being her SIL and bridesmaid...
Now, clubbing isn't my scene and I don't drink other than the odd glass in the house. Despite this, I would make the effort to go out... BUT I'm still bf'ing my 5month old. He HATES bottles whether it is breastmilk or formula and won't take them, and he still wakes in the night twice to feed. They aren't going out locally so are staying in a hotel. Now, I don't want to go
because of my baby.
Even if I spent a few nights getting him used to the bottle and trying to make him take one... When out clubbing I'm still going to have to take my breastpump and somehow manage to express when he'd usually have a feed. This isnt really possible baring in mind they'll probably be out 7pm - 3am. Also the thought of hubby ringing me, saying Fin is starving and won't drink, and me being an hours drive away is awful.
My SIL has taken it as a given that I'm going, and I'm going to have to tell her otherwise and I'm dreading it. I'm so worried they won't understand and that I'm going to get judged for not making the effort or w/e. I just don't know how to tell her.
Am I being unreasonable or practical? Should I worry about telling her or will she understand!? Don't want to upset her, but nor do I want to spend a miserable night out, and have hubby and baby miserable at home.
:?
My brother is getting married in 6weeks, I am being bridesmaid. Obviously it's expected that I'll be going on the hen night, being her SIL and bridesmaid...
Now, clubbing isn't my scene and I don't drink other than the odd glass in the house. Despite this, I would make the effort to go out... BUT I'm still bf'ing my 5month old. He HATES bottles whether it is breastmilk or formula and won't take them, and he still wakes in the night twice to feed. They aren't going out locally so are staying in a hotel. Now, I don't want to go
because of my baby.Even if I spent a few nights getting him used to the bottle and trying to make him take one... When out clubbing I'm still going to have to take my breastpump and somehow manage to express when he'd usually have a feed. This isnt really possible baring in mind they'll probably be out 7pm - 3am. Also the thought of hubby ringing me, saying Fin is starving and won't drink, and me being an hours drive away is awful.
My SIL has taken it as a given that I'm going, and I'm going to have to tell her otherwise and I'm dreading it. I'm so worried they won't understand and that I'm going to get judged for not making the effort or w/e. I just don't know how to tell her.
Am I being unreasonable or practical? Should I worry about telling her or will she understand!? Don't want to upset her, but nor do I want to spend a miserable night out, and have hubby and baby miserable at home.
:?
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Replies
I was in the same boat as you. I BF my last baby till she was gone 2!!!! To me her needs came first. They are only small for such a short time so dont worry about enjoying the baby time you have while you can.
Why not be upfront with SIL. Tell her you are so sorry but you just cannot be away from Fin for that long. Ask her if she can do another hen night locally that you can attend? A nice meal out so you dont feel obliged to club it! If she stamps her feet and gets upset then thats her perogative. Hopefully she will understand that you have thought long and hard about it.
Please though dont feel guilted into stopping BF before your ready.
Good Luck
dxx
Maybe you could arrange something a bit different for the two of you for another time, or maybe you and other bridesmaids, that is a bit more breastfeeding mum friendly - is she having a wedding shower, or a bit of a pamper day or something (could just be at home, doesn't need to be expensive) so she knows you are interested?
BTW, I went to my sister's hen weekend and hour and a half away from home when ds was 13 months, so sleeping through and no longer breastfed, and it was still so hard to go (he was at home with hubby), had it been anyone other than my sister I wouldn't have done - had he been much younger, still breastfed etc I wouldn't have gone, she'd have to understand that my baby comes first.
I know it's not exactly inkeeping with the hen night spirit - but you could give her the choice (if she doesn't understand you not going at all).
When I got married my SIL (and bridesmaid) wouldn't come to my hen night, because of her little girl (15 months at the time) and I was really hurt, (I didn't say anything, because I knew that I couldn't understand how hard it was for her - I didn't have children then) I couldn't help thinking that she was using her LO as an excuse because she just didn't want to come. I think I would have been a lot more understanding if she had tried to think of compromises.
Obviously you have to put you LO first, and please don't even think about messing about with breastfeeding just for this. But at the same time, remember - she'll only ever have one hen night, it should be special.
Just thought I should offer a different pespective.