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Please help - done something so dreadful

Please help. I have done something dreadful and my husband says he doesn't know if he can ever forgive me. Just some context - we got married in June. I am 25 and hubs is 40. We both have excellent jobs and a lovely house that I bought then he moved into when we met and is now in both our names. I don't have periods, never have unless I am having the fake ones on the pill. I've been desperate for a kid for so long, and knew it would take a while because of the no periods and my follicles being covered in cysts. Anyway hubs said I could cone offthe pill in feb as he refused to believe me about having no periods and was convinced it would happen really quickly . I am ashamed to say I couldnt wait and came off in october. I haven't had a period since but u couldn't bear to lie to him any longer so tonight I told him the truth. He has gone totally ballistic, says he doesn't know if he wants to be with me any more and will never tryst another word I say.

Please ladies what should I do? I know I have behaved so so dreadfully and I am so sorry from the bottom of my heart. I feel that I am breaking with the pain- can barely see for tears. How can I get him to forgive me for what I have done. I an such a horrible person.


  • Hi hun,

    I'm sure he'll calm down soon.

    i know you came off the pill early when he didn't know but there's no harm done is there? It's not as if you're got pregnant on purpose behind his back.

    Hope everything works out for you hun and you're not a horrible person xxx
  • To me you've not really done anything wrong to be honest, did he ask I you'd already come off the pill an you lied? Not from what I gathered?!

    It's not like youv only just started dating and never talked about kids... You were planning them for a couple of month time! Your urge to be a mother took over and you did hat any woman desperate for a baby an to be a mum would do!

    I'm sure he'll come around but of you ask me he's being a bit of a drama queen and needs to take a whileto chill down!

    Big hugs Hun, I'm sure he'll get over it soon!! Don't blame yourself! Xx
  • I can understand him being a bit narked but not to the level he is at. Does he def want children? Sounds like a massive over-reaction. No you shouldn't have hid it from him BUT you are not pregnant and you have told him the truth. Give him time to calm down, the more you may want to talk about it the more he will get annoyed. He will come to you when he is ready. xx
  • ah love you're not a horrible person! You've come off the pill a few months early - if you'd agreed you'd try for children anyway then a few months won't make a difference. As we know, it always takes longer than we think. I'm sure that you OH will realise this and calm down - sometimes people's initial reactions are to hit the roof, but rationality will rule in the end.

    Saying he doesn't know if he wants to be with you anymore and that he can't ever trust you is grossly disproportionate, and I do hope he comes to realise that when he calms down. All you can do is apologise for wanting children and jumping the gun a bit. Yes, you probably should have told him but no-one's perfect and we all make mistakes. It's not like you've just robbed a bank and bought yourself a secret life with a toyboy somewhere!

    Hope you feel better soon xx
  • Not sure what to say really hun as I think spin the situation around and you would be furious with him; tell him you see that now but you want to explain as you knew it wouldn't just happen given your medical condition. I would tell you to tell a white lie and say you just didn't renew your prescription as you were coming of it anyway but not sure another white lie will help at this point! I think he is being rather dramatic and maybe a tough work day combined with what you told him is enough to have set him off. I would say to him that you know you've let him down and you know that he didn't expect that but you knew nothing would come of coming off the pill and that you're really sorry you just didn't think and that obviously he can trust you as you have spoken with him about it and if you thought he would be this furious you would never have done it you would have just waited the extra 3 months. Also explain that you needed to clear you're system out as it does take time to get the pill out of your system. Men really don't understand alot of this stuff and he probably thinks you were just trying to get pg straight away when really you were trying to get a handle on what might be happening with your cycles - just explain and say that's the gods honest truth. Next time though my advice is don't confess - I'm not saying I condone lying to my dh in any way, but occasionally we stretch the truth and I am a big believer in what he doesn't know can't harm him - don't try and ease your 'guilt' with a confession! And that's from someone close to your dh's age! image I'm sure it'll work out hun. x
  • Thanks everyone- you've set me off crying again! Really appreciate the advice. I did lie and say I was still taking the pill. And he definitely does want kids, he just likes things to be on his terms. To be honest I honestly don't know if he will forgive me- he is still absolutely furious and even smaller arguments in the past he still brings up a lot. He is very implacable if that makes sense.
  • I do hope he doesn't let this ruin your marriage. There are things you have to forgive and move on from, as harmonious as we all wish our unions are! The important thing is that you felt bad enough to come clean to him and you understand you've made a mistake in lying to him. If he can see that he will surely come around and recognise it's not the end of the world.
  • i have been in a similar situation,me and my oh had been discussing having our second child,we agreed we wanted one, i was at the time taking the pill but i was terrible at taking it on time. i found out i was pregnant earlier than we had planned and he went mad saying he wasn't sure if he was ready yet. he did eventually come round to the idea of having our lo earlier than planned,it did take time and now we are onto planning our 3rd.luckily the same cant happen this time as i've got an implant in at the mo but have just booked an appointment to get it took out so he knows there wont be an early supprise. i'm sure if you give him the time he will calm down and be ready to forgive and move on with ttc. hope this brings some reassurance. image
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