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Remember me. Need to talk please

Hi guys need to talk.

Let me give u a little history. My husband and I tried for a baby for about a year and were told we could not conceive without help. Which we both agreed we didn't want so we were going to try adoption. I was booked in for a hysterectomy we made the calls for adoption and we were happy. Well low and behold after all the and the MC's we had I found out I was pregnant and we had a beautiful baby boy.

Hubby had booked in for a vesectomy in December but cause of the snow had to cancel. Anyway today he has gone in and we are both happy about the decisions we have made only today I realised AF is late and did a test and would you believe it I'm pregnant again!!!

The thing is I have been religious about taking the pill and I really don't know how this could happen and both my husbands reaction and mine are f*** I can't believe we tried for a year and when we are doing all we can to prevent it. It happens

I am just in a lot of shock and I don't know what to do

Sorry for this long message and it's probable spelling mistakes but I am on my phone and cant be bothered to make corrections

Sorry I just needed to right it down. How is everyone else???


  • heya, i was taking the pill everyday, at the same time. i really didnt want to get pregnant but low and behold lara is here image i am on the depo now, so much less

    The obvious choices are there but was one child all that you wanted, for financial or personal reasons?

    I have to be honest and say that having lara was the last thing i had ever wanted. My husband had left ( he had a vasectomy as we were happy with the two)and i was having a 'fun' relationship with a 19yr old. I found out i was pregnant and the 'A' option is really just not me, so i have had to do it all again.

    I completely agree though that if that option is for you for some reasons, then thats what has to be. if you do choose to carry on then i just wanted you to know that i couldnt imagine life without lara now. We live on less than ??600 a month have debts up to our eyeballs but i really dont care, my childrens smiles are all i need image

    I hope the shock lessens for you both soon and things get easier and choices can be made with no bad feelings whatso ever.

    Goodluck with everything. claire xxxxxxxxxxxx
  • Thanks hun, I also have a daughter from a previous relationship. and my husband sees her as his so we have 2. i have been on the depo too. didnt really work for me but i think i am still in shock and we will make up our minds soon. thank you for your response, its nice to hear that your happy.

    i know that if we went through with it that we would love and cherish our baby but its just tough at the moment.

    thank you
  • Hi hun, i dont really know what to say apart from feel free to get your feelings out!

    If you dont mind me asking what exactly is it (apart from shock) that is worrying you? Is it the financial side? Time? Space? Or that you didnt want to have anymore children?

    Just read that back and iot sounded a little hard - really dont mean it that way (i am pregnant with no 2 now - due 24th June and my dd will only be 14 months - panic really doesnt cover how im feeling) x
  • Well i guess all the things you listed are worrying me as it will be our third. but most of all my husband worries me. he is thye best man i have ever met and if i said to him i want this baby he would support me all the way but i know he would not be able to handle it mentally.

    he suffers from what i can only call depression but its not that really..i knoiw that sounds weird but he worries about being able to take care of his family to the point that it makes him ill. to be honest we would cope..(we would struggle but we would cope) or should i say i would cope but he wouldnt and then i would have to then worry about him and 3 children and then maybe i wouldnt cope with that and maybe that could ruin the best relationship i have ever had or will ever have.

    its my relationship with my husband i worry about most cause if we are having trouble then the children will pick up on it and then they will be miserable.

    sorry for my emotional dioreah image
  • keep telling us all you need to hun image

    I can understand this totally. My partner cant find a job at all, so im having to clean, cook, take care of three kids and work 20 hours a week, as well as pay all the bills and sort out the ones i can't pay. (the banes of being with a 19 yr )

    I totally understand where he is coming from and how he feels, maybe its because im female and ofc we can multitask better but we cope. The stress is immense and i do lose sleep over it but its amazing how things just work themselves out somehow. I find its generally all routine, once he is used to having three to cope with and to bring into his general routine, he would feel much better. I get so depressed sometimes to the point where i see no point in carrying on but we just do, dont we image

    i think youre best to tell him what youve told us, in that you are more worried about him with the worries of having another. If he's like most men this will dent his manly pride a bit but at least then he'll know what you are thinking and that you are there for him if he needs you to be but that he also needs to be strong for you.

    Financially having a third is costly but not too bad, theres extra tax credits and extra child benefit which def help.

    i do hope that things calm down over the next few days for you both. i know ive also said it before but if this would be way too stressful for you both then the 'A' ( sorry im not saying it, i know a lot of people don't like the word) may be the best way forwards. Especially if it keeps the whole family at peace.

    love claire xxx
  • Hey sweetie! Poor guy - so is it mainly that you are worried about the pressure it would put on him? You have to remember, if you have only just found out there's going to be huge shock all round for quite a few days (especially after you firmly decided no more!) but maybe once the dust settles you can think about it and talk about it with more of a clear head?

    I hope you don't mind me saying, but life really does work in weird ways and I am a big believer in things happening for a reason.

    Not much else constructive to add I'm afraid as I'm crap at giving advice!

  • Just wanted to say thaks to all of you for your advice...I guess it was shock as when hubby came home yesterday he was all on the baby band wagon so its full steam ahead for bean number 3 eeeek!!!!
  • Then congratulations imageimageimageimage

    Hope everything goes smoothly, three isnt as hard as it sounds, honestly.

    Woooooooo more babies image I'd have 5 more if i
  • aww hun, thats great and im so happy that you are both moving together on it.

  • Thanks for the congrats guys. im still in shock and strangely i have no syumptoms what so ever strange concidering i alway shave symptoms but i am enjoying it while it lasts as i feel grrrrrrreat!!!

    doc has signed me off as he is worrying about eptopic but i dont think so, i think i have finally got a baby that wants to give his mummy a smooth 9 mths...LOL i think this one will be my faveourite if that is the case hehehe!
  • I have a few friends with 3 kids and they honestly say that the 3rd one is easier and you cope better. You've got all the kit already and clothes so there shouldn't be too much extra cost - few new teats, bit of extra food when they start to wean. BUT on the other hand you have another LO.
  • I think your right TT, i am now very excited about it and wondering when i can order the birthing pool image
  • Great news, congratulations!
  • Glad your DH is on board twinkle. I'm desperate for a third and my DH is really concerned about how we will cope emotionally as much as financially as he's worried about the tiredness but I think those kind of concerns fade into the background once you know a baby is actually on the way as once you've had one you just know how amazing it is and that out weighs all the stress. Here's to a happy and healthy 9 months for you, buns and your DH! Xxx
  • Your right Feebs, thats exactly what my husband said after he thought about it.

    Now he is all for it, so keep on trying your DH will come around

    Good luck xx
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