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It's not 3rd time lucky for me

I never really left this forum, i've been checking up on you all ever since my bfp, hoping that I wouldn't be posting something like this again. I should be 9 weeks pg today with my 3rd pg since last year. After me feeling different with this one and starting to dare hope for the impossible, we went for a scan this morning and it looks like i'm about to miscarry again. I just can't believe it, I wonder who i've hurt so bad to be punished like this. My pg measured 6 weeks, 7 at the most and they've booked me in to go back on Monday just in case there's any growth but i'm not stupid, my dates are completely right. I had some slight brown discharge on saturday and have been having pains all weekend, they're slowly getting worse and i'm sure i'm about to lose my baby again. I have a cyst (that has been slowly growing since last year) that now has complications although the consultant is convinced it has nothing to do with my mc's.

I'm not really sure why i'm posting this as these kind of posts always scared me, but i've got no one to speak to. We told nobody (although due to my nature of work most of them know) and live miles away from our families who didn't know, we have no support here at all. And to top it off my husband goes to Afghanistan in 5 weeks. I feel completely hopeless and broken. All we want is a child, the most natural thing in the world and I can't do that properly.

Thats all I can say, I hope I haven't scared any of you xx


  • Oh honey, I am so terribly sad this is happening to you again. How cruel life can be. I do hope you can find some comfort and strength before your husband goes away, do you have friends close? Sending you lots of love at this horrible time. Maybe when you are ready you can speak to your doctor about having some tests as to why this keeps happening.

    I'm just praying for you that maybe their is a miracle happy ending and you you find some growth at the scan next week.

    Wishing you love and strength honey. Take care of yourself

  • So sorry to hear your sad news. I really hoped that everything would have been okay this time for you. I can imagine how gutted and devasted you must be. I wish I could wave a wand and make everything okay for you, but I hope you can get some answers from somewhere, and find comfort and strength soon on dealing with your grief.

    Big hugs.
  • I'm so so sorry honey life is just so cruel at times! I'm keeping everything crossed for a little miracle for you x
  • I'm so sorry hunny.

    I've this week lost my second after 4 years trying. I was 9 weeks but had had a feeling for weeks that something was wrong. Everyone kept fobbing me off and making me feel like it was just me being paranoid, but I just knew and when I opted to go EPU at 9 weeks for an early scan, i was told I was measuring 5 weeks (which I knew was impossible... after 4 years trying, I know the drill of how it works). Anyway, within a couple of days I started miscarrying and according to the scan yesterday, I have now completely miscarried.

    It really sucks. I can't get my head around the 'whys' and none of it makes sense. I did everything I was supposed to and did nothing I shouldn't have and still I lost it. My sister is 27 weeks pregnant and it's hard when I think about trying to get through the next few months. You get a lot of sorrys and you appreciate it all but none of it helps. You wouldn't wish the pain on anyway, but why is it me again???

    I can't say what the next step is, or how what the answers are. I'm still trying to figure them out myself, but just take all the time in the world to grieve, lash out, cry or whatever you need to do cause Lord knows you have the right to.

    All the best.


  • oh kwn I cant believe you are writing this again....I know what you mean when you ask why! the hardest bit about it all is we dont have an answer, we just have to deal with it all as best we can.

    one of the most natural things and we have no control over it all.

    I will be thinking of you and know that you will find the strength to get through this, as very hard as it is.

    You certainly have not scared anyone, we all seem to have different paths for us, I just hope that one day we all go down the one that leads to our dreams x

    Big hugs

    Love Joy

  • I am new in here, but felt compelled to say I am so sad to hear your awful news. It seems we have all suffered this cruel thing, and, I am sorry I have no words that will make you feel any better, or, ease thigs for you. You are not alone, it seems that there are people here, who you can always talk too, and, who understand your pain.

    Pretty much exactly what you say happened to me in December. I am thinking of you at this horrific time.

    Lots of love

  • Oh pet, im so so sorry. This just shouldnt happen, its just not fair. Life is so cruel sometimes, there seems to be no rhyme or reason to it. I wish I had the words that would comfort you, but I know at this time those words dont exist. I hope you have lots of love and support around you just now, you know that we are all here for you whenever you need us. Give yourself time to grieve, to cry and do whatever you need to. Now the docs will have to try and find out why this is happening to you, and make sure it doesnt happen again. Im thinking of you pet, and sending you a huge virtual cuddle. Lots of love Tracy xxx
  • Hi hun,

    I'm so sad to be reading this :cry: I have no words for you, life is just so cruel sometimes! I think you definately need some tests into why this keeps happening! You deserve to be a mommy, and i have no doubt that one day you will, it's just that your road seems to be more long and painful than most image

    I think you need to find some support for when your hubbys away. I remember after my mc, my OH was working away just for a week and it was the hardest week of my life as i had no one to talk to. I definately think that if he was away any longer i would have become depressed so please find someone to support you.

    My prayers will be with you :cry:

  • Thank you ladies, I feel awful today, keep staring at the walls as everything else just reminds me that i'm completely useless. I've got to go back into work tomorrow, I couldn't face it yesterday or today and I have to work with a girl who got pregnant by mistake and didn't even want a baby, she's 2 weeks behind me. I don't know how i'm going to handle it. There's no light at the end of the tunnel for me, I hate everything and everyone at the moment. I'm so damn angry I just want to smash everything. Not one person I know has had any of these problems, they get pregnant, have their babies and live happily ever after, then get pregnant again. My life is so damn hard and no one even knows, i've got to keep this stupid smile on my face and I just don't know how to anymore. Sorry for the rant :cry::cry: xx
  • Sweet heart, you don't have to pretend to be anything you don't want to.

    Is there no way you can have more time off work, if you feel that is what you need, and, that it is right for you right now.

    It is no wonder you feel the way you do, you are having to go through loosing your baby again! You are a very strong person, you must be to have tried again. You have been through the mill physically, and, emotionally.

    Please know you are not alone.

    Is there anywhere at all you can turn for some support whilst you OH is away? you sound like you need support right now.

    Some people just don't know exactly how lucky they are. And, unless they have suffered the way you have, they don't understand. Perhaps you could ask HR to let people know, if you feel that is right for you, then, they may be a little more sensative?!

    Has lots of information on there, not only for you (I'm sure you have already been on there) just incase you haven't, but, it also has information for the people around you.

    Sending you all the love, hugs, support and thoughts in the world.

    I'm sorry I can not make things any better for you x

    GP definately a good place to start seeking support and advice.
  • So, so very sorry to be reading this kwn. I really don't know what to say. Please don't say you are useless, because you are not, far from it. I know right now it seems impossible, but you WILL get to have your day in the not too distant future. Hopefully you will have a lot more tests now too, which may show up something which you can perhaps change...?

    Please don't ever feel alone, as you know everyone on here, particularly this forum, are amazing. You know where we all are if you need us. My email is open too....

    Thinking of you and your hubby.

    Zoe xx
  • im so so sorry =(
  • Hi KWN,

    Am so so sorry to hear your news. Do you really have to go

    back to work? Could you not take some time out until you feel a little stronger?

    Please do not say you are useless - I know we have all probably felt like that at some point on our journeys here, but its important to hang on to the positives that are in your life like your DH. Take time to be as you want to be and remember to be kind to yourself.

    Sending you lots of love and hugs - we are all here.

    Apple x
  • Ah hun - I answered you in DIS but I am so sorry to read this, I know it seems so hard right now but you can and will get there. I think you know I had 3 mc's too all within a year before this PG but thank God everything seems to be going OK this time so please don't think you won't get there hun and you cannot blame yourself. I was in a similar boat to you I didn't tell people about my last PG and live miles from family so had no support either but with hindsight I think that was easier than dealing with people's silly comments - like after my 2nd mc someone actually said to me 'are you sure you were PG?' - if you can believe that!!!! Give yourself time to grieve and confide in a friend or two, as talking to someone will help you work through it.

    They should now start some tests for you and you can get to the bottom of this. I had a bunch after my 2nd and 3rd MC's and now I simply take a baby aspirin and was started on progesterone for this PG up until 13w. I have some blood issues which they found which they continue to monitor me closely for but I have not seen any adverse effects of those since being on the aspirin and progesterone - so I guess what I am saying is hopefully they will find out if there is a problem and fix it - there may not be a problem and you could just be one of the very unlucky few.

    I don't know if you were around but do you remember Laujai? She had 4 mc's and was my inspiration after each of my losses. Here is a link to a note she wrote before she had her little boy finally just a few months ago. She had one of the few stories that just kept me going each time I thought I couldn't possibly do it again, as everyone seemed to be 3rd time lucky......but not me.

    You will get there hun as I said, it will happen.

    So sorry again hun. (((HUGS)))) x
  • Thank you again ladies, honestly if this forum wasn't here I honestly don't know what my actions would be. I'm feeling a little better, although I was a horrible witch to my husband and we haven't spoken since last night. He's out at a mess do that has been arranged for a long time and I wanted him to go, he needs to have a good drink, but he mentioned that he might have his phone switched off during the meal and I completely flipped and accused him of being able to forget and how lovely it must be to be him. I forget that he's lost another baby too.

    Anyway, i've been in quite some pain today, like i've got horrendous trapped wind and my stomach has felt like it's being turned inside out. Even though i've got my other scan on Monday I just want it over and done with now, is that heartless? I just want to get back to normal before my husband goes away, then i've 4 months of sorting myself out properly and when he comes home I might just be the woman he actually married instead of this wreck.

    Thank you B_O_B for the link to Laujai's story, I do remember her and it is lovely to read that for some there is a way out of this hell. At the moment i'm still not confident that it will happen for us but maybe in a few months I will be.

    I've told a couple of friends who are up here but only on text and I haven't seen anyone,I only told them because I knew they suspected I was pg. I really want to speak to my close friends back home, but I don't know how to just pick up the phone and blurt it out. They don't know I was pg and I don't want them to feel bad that i'm so far away, they have their own lives.

    Anyway, i've rambled on, thank you all for your lovely words xx
  • Oh hun

    So terribly sorry to be reading this...there is nothing that can make you feel better we will give you All the support we can in this and i hope you find some support from somewhere before your hubby goes away!! Try the docs he can help you get time off if you need it easy for us i know you may need the money etc but you have to think of yourself too...

    Sending you lots of hugs and PMA and support

  • I was exactly the same kwn, convinced that it would never ever happen, in fact dh and I were just talking yesterday about where we are today and he said too he thought we'd never be here. It seems like such a long way away but I know you will get there - if there is a problem there WILL be a fix, if there isn't you WILL have a PG that won't end prematurely. I know it is easier for me to say in this situation but I was soooo like you, so down, I so could have given up and almost did and in fact said I was going to but time went by (not too much) and we tried again and you will too.

    I was the same with my cousin when I lost the 3rd baby, she didn't know I was PG and I hadn't spoken to her in a little while, in fact she was PG herself after 2 losses and so I felt terrible calling her but she was the only one I knew would understand and I did call and just told her. She lives thousands of miles from me but and I knew she couldn't be here for me but it helped a lot to talk on the phone. I think you should call your friend/s.

    You can always email me or we can chat on here as much as you like!
  • I'm so sorry to be reading this.. Nothing can be said to make it better so just sending you all my love and hugs xx
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