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What would you do?

I want to tell my mum that myself and htb are being tested for fertility problems (htb is aware of the poblems he himself has). But I also feel I can't as she says where too young (24 - me 26 - partner).

Not only this but my sister is going through her second dose of IVF and is recently getting injected etc etc so don't want to steal her thunder I have tried telling friends but no one is interested and htb doesn't want me telling his mum. xx


  • That's tricky. Could you talk with your mum but start with acknowledging that you understand she thinks that you're too young, that your sister's struggles have got you thinking and know that it can be a long journey with IF so you guys decided to try, now facing testing and would love her support and comfort with the journey. Your sister doesn't need to know right now what is happening, it's only your mum you want to talk with. I have spoken with my mum and it has been so helpful. She hasn't breathed a word to any of my siblings. It is helpful to have some trusted support.

    Good luck.
  • My mum would just say wait until after the wedding etc etc etc .... So I seriously don't think she would support me. xx
  • ah hun,

    i told my mum about a year after ttc and was sooo nervous about telling her. she kept banging on about me applying for better jobs. i'm a teacher but can't get a job round my area so work as a cafe supervisor at min, (its crap but pays the mortgage so hey ho) anyways she kept rabbiting on about me doing better for myslef and applying for jobs and i'd basically stopped applying for anything JUST INCASE i fell preggers hahah (little did i know it would never happen). soooo one day she was havin her usual moan and i just blurted it all out, explained that we were seeking help and really upset it wasn't working, she was sooo supportive and has been ever since. i was quite emotional when i told her but i personally find the whole thing easier with their support. it is sometimes weird having convo's with them, especially with my dad. he once went into detail about how they struggled to conceive me and asked me about whether i put legs up after sex. eeeeeeeeek major cringe and fingers put straight into ears moment hahah

    are you close with your mum? with having h2b she must be aware that its a serious relationship so at some point you would want to start a family. also i don't think you'd be stealing your sisters thunder, if anything she might appreciate someone to talk to who is also struggling to conceive.

    and if you don't feel comfortable telling her just yet lovey, you have us xxxx
  • Hi pet...I wouldnt worry about stealing your sisters thunder, maybe your sister would give you some support as she is finding this TTC journey a difficult one also. Are you close to her? I dont talk to my mum about any of this as Im pretty sure she isnt that interested. Im 41 and already have to older kids so I know she feels that I have enough to deal with and probably thinks im a little mad (she may be right with that one). I get my support from the girls here, dont know what I would do without you all.

    If its something you feel that you want to do, I would give it a go. If you dont get what you need, then at least you tried, and we are all here for you xx
  • Hi girls, I rang my mum up last night and she wasn't supportive at all even went as far to say that we shouldnt be even thinking about kids at our age!! (she had my sister when she was 22)

    I am not close to my sister so can't turn to her.. And well my mates don't understand just wish I had someone to turn too. xx
  • aww hunny, sorry your not getting much support from your family and friends. i know its not any where near the same but we're all here and going through similar things, even tho we don't actually know each other we do share very personal stories and offer help where we can. your not alone lovey. what about friends in work or an auntie? just being able to off load to someone xxx
  • Not close to any of my family including aunts or cousins.. I have litterally no one as htb doesn't like talking about it. I just wanna cry. xx
  • Awww, Micheala,

    You can vent and whinge at us as much as you like. Its ridiculous for your mother to be so hypocritical! Is it worth trying to talk to your sister, it might help build bridges with you both?

    There are support groups in our local area, there was information about these when I went for my fetility appt. It might be worth googling for one in your local area?

  • Where would I find these groups? What they under? xx
  • I'm sorry, I don't remember what they were called, there was information on them in the waiting room at our fertility clinic. Could you call your local hospital or fertility clinic?
  • Oh god Michaela I really feel for you. I can't say I know how you feel as I am lucky with my family and even my OH miserable old *** of a mother was upset and supportive as she could be (questioning my symptoms until they took the bloody great big lump out and proved it) when it turned out I had endo.

    Lean on us. I know its not the same.

    I wish that my OH and I had been in the right place mentally and met eachother when we were your age as I really, really wish I could have tried then.

    I wanted babies when I was 18 but did not meet the right man until I was 29. So if I basically think your situation is perfect.

    There are so many reasons why you should!!! Is your mum religious? Is that why she is hung up on marriage? Only say that as I was brought up Catholic.

    I honestly feel like saying screw your family if they can't understand, but its your family and its easy for me to annoyed on your behalf.

    What about work colleagues? Anyone there? I know its not a water filter chat topic. image xx
  • I will do, thanks. xx
  • I am currently not working so I don't have work collegues.

    I can see why you're annoyed on my behalf lol, as I am too. xx
  • Oh honey, I keep thinking about you and was thinking about what Windy was saying.

    I googled 'fertility support groups hampshire', where I live obv, and found an article in the hampshire chronicle about it and they suggest speaking to your GP to see what support is on offer in your area, and they give a telephone support line of 0800 008 7464 for the Infertility Network who can help. They also say counselling is a really good idea if you have no support from family and friends. Again your GP would be able to refer you for some free counselling, but could not find anything on the internet about free counselling, but lots of counsellers out there.

    It may also be an idea to check your local paper as I found a support group there for my sis-in-law for tinnitus of all things.

    Surprise, surprise there is not a huge amount of face to face support out there for this type of thing, but it is just another example of how people find it so easy to talk about the good side of pregnancy and not the hard side.

    Hope this helps hun. Lots of Love xxx
  • Thanks you for thinking about me and for giving me the information you have given me, it is greatly appreciated. xx
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