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shocked by routine!
we go to a postnatal group with other mums and babies, meeting in a pub weekly for drinks/lunch and a chat. I've been a bit disturbed by one of the other mums, and can't stop thinking about her LO. I know everyone has different ideas about parenthood and its every mum's decision what to do with their baby, but just wanted to run it past you mums to see if im just reacting to her choices negatively because they aren't the same as mine.
Every week her LO is quietly grizzleing, but not really making too much noise. She juggles him with his face into her and a comfort blanket so all he can see is her chest and the blanket. She does this the whole time we meet up - for 3 hours or so. It was only today when i sat with her that she told me the grizzleing just really irritates her and that he needs to sleep and she's trying to get him to go off. She then said she religiously follows Gina Ford's advice, and that its worked, she forces him down in a blackened room for 10 hours at night, one in the morning, 2 at lunchtime and 1 in the afternoon. He's 5 months old and this struck me as a bit mean as he's not allowed much time awake! It was obvious to me he just wanted to see the other mums and babies. She went off to the toilet and asked me to hold him, his face lit up when he could see everyone - it was obvious he had no idea he'd been with us the whole time. I felt really sad for him.
Im not attacking anyone who likes a routine or who follows gina ford, but i realised in all the weeks we've been id never seen her LO's face before. Im a much more laid back mum, my LO does what he wants and has fallen into sleeping through at night although he doesnt sleep much in the day. Ive always had a bathtime/babymassage/feed at night so he knows its bedtime but otherwise have gone with the flow. Id never wake my LO if he was asleep and have tried putting him down to sleep sometimes when's he's grizzley without much success!
It just seems this mum is very keen on showing off her baby's cute accessories and posting on facebook about him - but in reality he's barely allowed to exist!!
Sorry if i sound a bit harsh but i have a ds the same age and could not imagine doing this to him x
Every week her LO is quietly grizzleing, but not really making too much noise. She juggles him with his face into her and a comfort blanket so all he can see is her chest and the blanket. She does this the whole time we meet up - for 3 hours or so. It was only today when i sat with her that she told me the grizzleing just really irritates her and that he needs to sleep and she's trying to get him to go off. She then said she religiously follows Gina Ford's advice, and that its worked, she forces him down in a blackened room for 10 hours at night, one in the morning, 2 at lunchtime and 1 in the afternoon. He's 5 months old and this struck me as a bit mean as he's not allowed much time awake! It was obvious to me he just wanted to see the other mums and babies. She went off to the toilet and asked me to hold him, his face lit up when he could see everyone - it was obvious he had no idea he'd been with us the whole time. I felt really sad for him.
Im not attacking anyone who likes a routine or who follows gina ford, but i realised in all the weeks we've been id never seen her LO's face before. Im a much more laid back mum, my LO does what he wants and has fallen into sleeping through at night although he doesnt sleep much in the day. Ive always had a bathtime/babymassage/feed at night so he knows its bedtime but otherwise have gone with the flow. Id never wake my LO if he was asleep and have tried putting him down to sleep sometimes when's he's grizzley without much success!
It just seems this mum is very keen on showing off her baby's cute accessories and posting on facebook about him - but in reality he's barely allowed to exist!!
Sorry if i sound a bit harsh but i have a ds the same age and could not imagine doing this to him x
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Replies
I would feel sorry for this baby too if I though his mum wouldn't let him have a wee look round. But as everyone says, each to their own!
cx
I also found that he would have his routine for a few days then it would change. To be honest neither hubby and I are big on routine and prefer to be a bit more spontaneous, it would make us feel restricted so definitely not going to enforce it on my son.
I am a little peed off with my inlaws right now, they are very much creatures of habit and do everything to a routine, even down to eating the same meal on the same day of the week. We stayed with them over the weekend and they know we are relaxed and like to do our own thing. Hubby spoke to his dad last night and he said that we should have my son in a better routine, as they felt his behaviour was bad over the weekend. He was incredibly clingy but has had a cold for over a week and when we stay there, he has to sleep on the floor in our bedroom which is very dark and I forgot his night light, so I think he was just out of sorts. I'm also 8 months pregnant and we met my friend's 5 week old baby which I held and I think the realisation that this is like what's in mummy's tummy was bought home to him!
Each to their own I say, but this lady's behaviour seems a bit strange - could you have a word with her? I too would try not to wake a sleeping baby but sometimes it has to be done to be able to get on with life, going out etc., although if I could avoid it I would.
I'm just hoping this baby is as easy going as my first!
i wasnt criticising anyone for putting a baby down to nap 3 times in a day, i was just a bit shocked by the length of the enforced naps! I think my LO is unusual in not sleeping much in the day, sometimes we manage 30-45 mins but tbh he shows no signs of needing to sleep until evening time so i don't think babies of 5 months are supposed to do anything - i think it depends on the baby. foxinsocks i think i got paranoid that my lo was sleep deprived and have tried really hard to make him sleep more, but sleeping 12 hours at night for a BF baby from 12 weeks is pretty good, so i count myself lucky and follow his cues. He's a good happy boy most of the time, if he seems sleepy i do try to get him off but i dont force him. He pretty much slept 24/7 for the first 6 weeks of his life, then dropped most daytime sleeping so it was a shock! I am a bit envious, even if my LO just had an hour it would give me a break and let me get some things done - but he sleeps through so i can't have everything, and he feeds 1-2 hourly a day so is busy getting the calories in.
it was more the forcing him not to look at everyone and be part of things that i thought was worrying - he was not upset when he was allowed to see what was going on. Im sure she's probably just a bit stressed and we all know what's best for our own babies after all but it all seemed a bit rough on the little fella
I work with brand new mums and i have to say gina ford causes real problems for those who've read her books but also want to breast feed - not really compatable to have a rigid routine and BF - lol! I am definately not saying all routine is bad and mum does know best but i do feel sad when it feels as if people are more concerned about their own space than giving their LO time for cuddles and developing, play, new experiences etc.
Cas 1980- can't believe what your in laws said, your poor LO is poorly and you are 8 months pregnant - obviously things are a bit different for you all at the minute. I bet you don't feel like going back I agree the only times ive woken my LO are when ive absolutely had to as we have to be somewhere. In general though on maternity leave there arent that many places i have to be for a strict time so i can usually wait for him. His little face is so devastated when i wake him up i feel terrible!
Alfie the reason the poor baby was like that today and grizzley was because she was following Gina Ford and not letting the baby see around and see other children. She just needs to relax more. I know some people like to follow routine but they have to remember Gina Ford is not with them and she doesn't know their children.
Also, Gina Ford has no kids of her own! So it probably all needs taking with a pinch of salt. x
I promise i was not making any judgement about the baby grizzling - tbh my son grizzles a lot worse - it was just her restricting him. I'm pretty sure the only reason he was upset was because he was restricted from being part of anything. He isnt really especially temperamental and he's such a little cutey. I just feel for me and DS the trips out to group are for him as much as for me, i get to chat to other mums and he gets to see what's going on.
My LO screamed so badly in public once i walked into M+S cafe and fed him without even paying for anything. And I do know that look your talking about, as if you must be torturing your child, as ive had that look from people!
It sounds like you have your work cut out but are very dedicated - very far from being a bad mum i would say. And 3 30-45 min naps sounds ideal! How's she doing at night?
Remember you can always come on here for support. I'm glad to hear she is getting better as time goes on, it must have been tough for you.xx
good to here your hubby is supporting you - i have heard the terrible stories about colic (is it the same as reflux?) my friends baby was hospitalised with reflux twice he is barely bigger than my 4 month old and he is 1. His cry was heart breaking, his poor parents were at the end of their tether. He's now one and they're ttc, don't know where their energy comes from!
DS is really a very healthy and happy boy so we're lucky. Sounds like things are getting better for you, your LO just knows her own mind, they often make more intelligent adults! She will probably blitz her exams when she's older! x
K x
The biggest problem I can see is that your friend was trying to push a routine at the wrong time. She wants it all, you can't expect your baby to sleep in a busy area. GF is very strict about putting a baby to sleep in a darkened room away from distractions. If she wants to follow GF then it is unfair to expect the same routine if you want to go out. Make a choice, you can't have your cake and eat it!
My son has had a number of medical issues so GF wasn't possible. However even in hospital he was on a routine right from the start. We also found a feeding and sleeping routine was essential because of his severe reflux and feeding issues.
I would say that the problem is not trying to place your baby in a routine but not being flexible enough to adapt to your own baby's needs and the daily activities.
H xx
you've made me rethink things as i didnt realise a LO could get such comfort from smelling and touching as blanket. Maybe i have misjudged things a bit. I agree blondfriend maybe she has tried to encorporate gina ford whilst also wanting to do what she wanted to do and that this isnt possible. I think i couldnt cope with such a strict routine as i would go bonkers doing it properly and never going anywhere(and so would LO - we both get bored!), and i guess you can't be half hearted about it.
I work with brand new mums and tiny newborns and with BF working on a supply/demand basis and it being so important that they feed lots in the beginning, and that they often cluster feed, the gina ford argument can be frustrating. Its nigh on impossible to make a bf baby fit in with what you want in the beginning (or even a bottle fed baby come to think of it!!) I guess what i was trying to say is that BF relies on the call of nature and you shouldnt stray too far from what is natural by forcing eating/sleeping time when you want to, as ultimately you want milk to come in well and the baby to gain weight.
However, that said, everything i learn about babies after the first couple of weeks comes from being a mummy, and with my first LO only 16 weeks its all a learning curve. I have let my LO demand feed, i've always had a good milk supply and LO has gained weight fast - he slept through from 12 weeks - a 12 hour stretch - and has done so ever since. At 10 weeks we were managing an 8 hour stretch, though sadly not the right time stretch for me not to sleep through - but i recognise this is fab for a bf baby.
blondfriend im very impressed by your first babies sleeping - sounds like gina ford certainly worked for you and made your LO a happy baby.
xxx
My baby's routine is continually adapting and maturing as he grows and can stay full for longer and therefore sleep for longer. I'm with you Alfie.
All the latest research shows they are too young to have the ability to even remember such patterns until they are 4-6 months old so IMO its cruel to enforce a routine.
I can definitely see all babies are different and develop at different rates and so perhaps a more rigid routine works for some but I'd question if this is the case until they are over 4 months old. This is the reason why i think a set routine dictated by a book can't possibly suit all babies but you fall into the one that works for you and your baby which is very individual.
My midwife recommended going with my boy's routine and then aim to slightly extend time between feeds and wake him up if he's slept longer than 4 hours in the day which seemed reasonable to me. I'd say naturally he now has 4 naps a day lasting between 20 minutes and an hour but he sleeps for 9 hours plus every night between 8.30-9.30pm and wakes around 6-7am. Total nap time must be about 3-4 hours or so.
I think maybe this lady has taken the advice a bit to the extreme. Surely if its nap time then he should be asleep at home and not on her knee with all the stimulation around?