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From high to low in a few days...

Sorry to be such a kill-joy after all my positivity in my last post, but I feel like I just need to get this out.

We're having a really horrible month for money and its come to a head today.

As some of you might know, my employer has not been very nice since I told her I was pregnant. This got worse when I was off sick (despite being forced to go off sick by my boss, as I knew we couldn't afford it). But work has been pretty intolerable since then and she can't stand working with me, so sends me home early regularly now. Its really quiet, so this also make financial sense and I'm just desperate to leave, so I always take the opportunity. Unfortunately, this is leaving me ??100-200 short every month, thats on top of the sick "pay" I had in February and March, which left us ??400 short both months.

The last few months we've had two weddings, one 200 miles away when we had to stay in a hotel and a funeral 150 miles away. The bills always end up coming all at once, car insurance, phone, water etc and we just don't have the money this month. To top it all off, I was paid by cheque this month and when DH went to pick it up on my day off, it wasn't signed (and boss had gone out), so I then couldn't bank it til the 5th. Lloyds TSB have decided that this cheque is going to take the full 5 days to clear (the last one took 1 day) and I still don't have the money. Why this month??!!!

I just feel so helpless. If I wasn't pregnant I could easily find a new job (I was offered a job when I was 13 weeks, but turned it down as I wanted to be honest about my pregnancy), or get some extra shifts at the emergency clinic, or even in a bar. But who's going to employ me at 22 weeks pregnant??? Not to mention that I get exhausted so easily and don't even think I could manage another job.

DH is trying to find more work (sporadically), but I've been asking him to do that for the last 2 years and it hasn't materialised yet. I worked 7 days a week the year before we got married so we could afford the first year of our mortgage and don't think I'm unreasonable asking him to do the same now I can't work so much.

I can't believe I could be so happy in my situation a few days ago and now I feel quite resentful towards my poor little jumping bean, who keeps making me feel guilty with his little kicks and nudges :cry: . I don't suppose anyone can give me any advice, there's not a lot we can do, but I wanted to vent xxx


  • Oh Windy, money worries, is just the worst and if you are the one that generally has to sort things out, it is really worrying when you know that your earning potential is so limited due to being pregnant, i so know how you feel.

    With my first baby, i got a really good maternity leave, my husband got paid accommodation with his job so we had no worries (although somehow still skint!) This time, we have a mortgage, i'm the highest earner of the 2 of us and i get statutory only so i am petrified how we will cope too. I had a proper meltdown about it all yesterday - sobbing in the street at lunchtime! Much better today though!

    I think the advice i can give is that it really does make no difference if you worry for the next 4 months as it will not change things. You will not lose your house and you will find a way because everyone always does manage. I'm sure your hubby is feeling the pressure reaslising that he will have to take control of the finances for a bit and you probably have to let him take some of that responsbility as you have other things to worry about! Now is not the time for you to be worrying about other jobs, you can always look into that once you go back to work but for now, you just have to concertrate on growing a baby cos it will all be worth it.

    Can you take a payment break on your mortgage maybe - is that a possibility if not, my hubby is looking into additional work, things like doing door supervisor work/event security (he used to be a publican so pretty tough!) or just somethng extra to bring in extra cash...?

    Hope you get it sorted and can feel a little more positive xx
  • You poor thing Windy image Money troubles are always so tough, hopefully hubby will find something to help 'top up' soon. I know nothing about your industry - but are there emergency clinics you can pick up the odd shift at without having to commit to a contract? Are you entitled to any benefits which may help?

    Failing that, a cup of tea and a hug may help...

    Not sure if this helps any... the last few days I have felt really irrational, irritable, unable to focus and now teary... I am putting it down to hormones so you may find the feelings are a pregnancy 'phase' - not that I am saying your pickle is something that is hormonal or will just go away but more that it might feel easier to face in a little while...

    Thinking of you and sending you hugs

  • Sorry you're feeling bad Windy. Sounds like you've had a particularly bad couple of months paywise. I think financial worries are the worst at the mo. I work for the NHS, so mat pay not too bad, but will still be a massive drop from full time pay. I'm going to take 9 months + annual leave as i can't afford 13 weeks no pay. I am the highest earner in our household and hubby is self employed, so work is erratic - busy some weeks and slow the next. We are also planning to share the child are after mat leave, so will be earning less long term. Our main plan at the moment is to look at our direct debits and try to reduce outgoings and we are accepting lots of offers of second hand stuff e.g a cot, clothes and possibly a pram.

    My mat pay will be based on the last two months pay before mat leave. Is it the same for you? If it is, just make sure your boss doesn't reduce your hours so it affects this. Good luck.

    Lu image
  • hi windy. Wanted to second what looby has said, i didnt realise the time period that my mat leave would have been judged on until id already worked it- I could have earned more in that time to benefit me on my mat leave if id realised, doing nights and weekends etc.

    Dont know your full situation with your employer but im guessing you are not on a contract that guarantees you a basic number of hours and salary?

    The other thing to say is that i worried all the time about how we'd cope - we had 2nd hand everything and never even bought my LO an outfit of my choice for the first 2 or 3 months as i didnt need to. He was loved, warm, gorgeus, fed and thats all that mattered. My mum bought us a lovely nursery set and we bought the cot for ??90. I still did loads of nesting, it was lovely, without feeling like i had to have designer everything. I also breast fed my bubba - i know not everyone can do this but it has been amazing for lots of reasons, not least financially (its free!) and has also meant for the first few months i never spent any money as i was always doing it. But being cuddled up with your bubba with the tv remote in your hand isnt the worst thing (although doing it at 2am,4am,6am etc not so much fun, lol).

    There is also information on site on what you might be entitled to to help prepare for this baby, depending on your combined earnings, im sure you've already looked at this in which case forgive me for stating the obvious!

    You're right not to exhaust yourself though - the one thing thats most important to your baby is that you rest and grow him/her as well as you can, that's more important than fancy things. I understand paying the mortgage is more of a worry than that but look into your entitlements, particularly if your earnings have gone down, things might have changed for you x
  • Hi guys,

    Thanks for the support. Its nice to know I'm not just being a crazy person (well, I am, but its "normal crazy"!) I did have a little sleep and felt much better. Able to cope with the problem rather than getting in a state about it. We knew it wasn't going to be easy and we made the decision that we would rather not risk waiting until we were in a better financial position in case we ended up being childless. I would have always regretted that.

    We will definitely be relying on hand-me-downs and feebies for the 1st year AT LEAST! Although I have seen a lovely pushchair that I would love, but we've got an old silvercross for free, so we'll make do with that unless someone feels generous enough to buy it for us! My mum bought me a breast pump the other day which should have been ??60 and it was ??21 in Sainsbury's. Hope that isn't because its a duff one!

    Thanks a lot everyone, it helps to know others support and understand when you're having a meltdown!!

  • im sure you have your fair share of worries hun, and not underplaying them at all, but some of it does sound like hormones too - the feeling up, then crashing down. Pregnancy does make the lows worse. Glad you're feeling better x
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