Insensitive hubby
Hi, I just needed a lil advice n comfort abt da lack of understanding and affection I'm getting from my hubby. I mean it's not a new thing, he's always been like that, and sumtimes I argue wit him, other times I ignore him, but now that I'm pregnant it's more hurtful......... I WANT him to say to me to take care of myself, to take things easy, to rest when I can cos he's there to help me, but he doesn't. Even his family r all doting and caring towards his pregnant sister, but I always get the back seat. But I can take it from his family, it just hurts more wen its from him. It's our fourth child but our last 2 were surprised so I always Thot that his lack of affection n sensitivity was becos the babies weren't planned, and he doesn't take an interest until they're like 4 months old, and then from there on he's a brilliant n doting dad, but I never get that attention or affection from him (unless we r in da bedroom) I try talking but he just laffs at me n says that it's no big deal. He's started calling me fat n wen I say it was just bloating he laffed at me, n wen I say I'm really tired he takes da piss out of me n tries to make me sit up with him til later n if I dnt then he makes me sound like a party pooper, he doesn't care if I've takin my meds or insulin, if Ive eaten or not, if I'm tired or not, he laffs at me if I'm hormonal n want a hug, I just dnt kno how to get thru to him, it's not like he doesn't kno how to b caring, cos he is, to his daughters n his sisters, just not me Am I asking for too much n shud just let him b da way he is? Or do I try talkin it out wit him again, even tho at da bottom of my heart I kno he'l never change........ I feel really really bad saying this, but I'm only being honest so u get da tru pic of how bad I feel, but I am actually secretly hoping that I miscarry, or bleed or just something happens to make him kno, to SHOW him n make him feel guilty that he wasn't looking out for me like he shud b doin........ Ido feel terrible saying all this, becos I did have a mc before. It was my first pregnancy but my hubby wasn't with me at the time. He was still awaiting his visa in Pakistan so I had to go thru all the emotional and physical pain by myself which is why I may sound like I'm maybe attention seeking in pregnancy, but it's cos of my mc and I wudnt want to go thru that again, but my hubby has made me a laffing stock to all my in laws saying that I'm really sensitive n always running to da hospital over da tiniest things n wasting mine and my docs time and stuff........ Wat shud I do? Pls help
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Replies
He is an asshole but then again most guys r, aren't they!
I'm 8 weeks on fri.
If he won't listen then try having a heart to heart with your family about it, drop all barriers and explain exactly what his behaviour is doing to you, they might not condone you leaving him but they might offer you some extra support!
I truly hope this issue gets resolved of at least eased for you!! Good luck x
Not all men are like this at all. My husband was and still is extremely supportive of me and our family, we'll have our disagreements at times but we stand firm together when it counts.
Much as I hate to say it, having read your opening post it sounds like both of you are unhappy with things as they currently stand and you need to talk to work it out. My advice is the two of you should work on achieving common ground (what you both want in your home and meeting half way) through mediation (third party chair) if needed or you can go on living what is effectively a lie (playing happy family when you're unhappy).
What you are going through is effectively emotional abuse and there is plenty of options/support out there if you know where to look (talk to your GP, Citizens Advice, your local Samaritans, your local shelter/hospice). As for divorce being frowned upon by your faith, I was christened a Catholic but have married in a registry office and used contraception both of which are frowned upon by the Catholic faith (sometimes you need to let your own common sense prevail over religion to help maintain your health and sanity). I hope you can find a happy ending. Best wishes.