Forum home Pregnancy Miscarriage & pregnancy loss

Advice on coping with inevitable miscarriage

Hi ladies. I went for a scan 2 weeks ago due to spotting and they could only see the sac. They said come back in 2 weeks, so i went back yesterday and although there was progress since the last scan, they couldn't find a heartbeat. The guy said it's most likely to be a missed miscarriage because they should be able to see a heartbeat (baby was 5.8mm).

I'm going back in another week but as he said it's probably a missed mc I'm not holding out any hope. I haven't bled or spotted for days and I'm desperate for it to start so all this can be over with.

This is my 1st pregnancy. According to LMP I would be over 8 weeks pg but I'm not sure when I O'd so not entirely sure how far gone I am. I got a Pregnant 1-2 weeks on a CBD on 5 June so baby should be much bigger by now and have a HB.

Sorry for writing loads. Does anyone who's been through a mc have any advice on how to get through this? xx



  • Hi Lou, sorry to hear your sad story.

    It is horrible & tormenting having to play the 'waiting to find out' game with your mind in overdrive between maybe & maybe not.  There is still that small glimmer of hope that they've been scanning too early & your next scan will be the one where a heartbeat shows on screen but there is also the chance it won't happen.

    Odd as it sounds the best you can do is look after YOU, by resting when you can, eating & drinking sensibly you are doing everything you can do & nature will do the rest.  If you do receive the sad news of MC then it is because nature knows there is a problem & this is not the right time (it won't be your fault).  Remind yourself that having a MC doesn't mean that you will never have children. 

    You will feel loss for the child you didn't have (it is normal & you should allow yourself to grieve) but you will also long to try again at some point in future (the exact time you allow yourself between MC & TTC is your choice & some will feel ready sooner than others).  Best wishes & Cyber Hugs.

  • Hiya Lou,

    Just read your entry I am sorry that you are having to play this cruel waiting game.  How are you feeling?  I know exactly how you feel as Ive been through the same thing.  I went for a early scan at 6 weeks and saw a heart beat and they we hd to go back the following week for one last scan which revealed no heart beat, so within the week my little bean had passed away.  It was just awful and cruel to be told I had a missed miscarriage.  I felt very let down that I had no idea what was going on inside my own body.  My mc was 310513, im gradually recovering but it was heartbreaking.

    Youve got to remain positive though especially as theyve told you to go back in another week, perhaps its as simple as you got dates muddled up and that you arent as far as long as you thought you were hence no HB today and perhaps by next week you will be that little further along.

    Im keeping everything crossed for you.  let me know how things goxxx

  • I really feel for you hun!  All the waiting must be agonizing! try not to worry but make sure you've got lots of people for support to help you through and there's always ladies on here who you can 'talk' whenever you need to! take care xx

  • Thanks for your replies. I keep going between numb and hysterical, i never realised how difficult this would be. Nearly broke down in Tesco earlier seeing a lil baby with his parents, I guess that's something I'm going to have to get used to!

    Sounds ridiculous but Animal Crossing is quite good for passing the time! Been swapping between that, Wimbledon and housework.

    It's quite surreal to think the worst is yet to come. People around me are saying the usual 'at least you can get pregnant' and 'you're only young, you can try again'. I know both points are true but I'm not ready to hear them yet.


  • i know poor you its a ard and upsetting time, you take carexx

  • Thank you, and sorry to hear about your loss xx

  • am really sorry to read this. It's such a terrible thing to go through and no words can help, just keep family and friends around you. After I miscarried I read its common to miscarry the first time for some reason. Hold faith in the fact that the majority of pregnancies result in a baby and that this time wasnt meant to be but next ime it will happen for you. thinking of you xxxx

  • Thanks Rose. Our bodies can be so cruel - I still feel pregnant; my boobs hurt, tired, feel sick when hungry and I've had no spotting at all for ages. I had been spotting and bleeding on and off every day for weeks and now I've been told our baby is probably dead there's absolutely nothing.

    Wish my body would hurry up and register as I really don't want to have a D&C.


  • Also sorry to hear about your loss. You hear how common it is but just don't realise how hard it is until it's you. I feel for anyone who has gone through/is going through anything similar. xx

  • so cruel, from tht perspective I guess I was lucky my body miscarried naturally. I wasn't waiting in limbo, one day I was pregnant the next I wasn't. It's such a horrible feeling as you start to picture everything then your world comes crashing down. My miscarriage was in November and I am13 weeks pregnant now yet still terrified The worst will happen. the only thing that helped me and my husband was that we booked a week abroad and spent some time together reconnecting and relaxing in April. I came back pregnant so do try to have something to look forward to and put your focus into. It doesn't erase the pain but it helps xxxx

  • Oh Rose that sounds horrible I'm so sorry. Congratulations on being pg again though.

    I was thinking a holiday might help - sounds so selfish but as you say now there's no due date it gives you something to look forward to instead. xx

  • Good to hear from both of you, Lou and Rose.  So lovely to hear that your are pg again Rose fingerscrossed everything will be ok, im sure it will.


    How are you doing today Lou?  Whens your appt?  Im thinking of youxx

  • You need that time to heal so do take some time to yourselves xxx, Thanku both for ur kind words. Xxx

  • Hey babybump, thanks for your post. I'm still numb! I cry if I think about it so I don't allow myself to think about it. Appointment isn't until Monday, 9am.

    Sounds silly as I know our baby's dead but I just can't deal with it yet, not until the next scan confirms for definite. Hands down, worst 3 weeks of my life just waiting! It's dangerous as the rollercoaster of emotions allows for hope and I'm not allowed to have hope given that the radiologist said it looks like a missed mc. DH seems fine and I am struggling with that - he was laughing at the TV last night and that annoyed me! He also keeps asking if I'm ok which is a really stupid question, although I know I'm being horrible for saying that!

    Sorry for the rant. How are you? xx

  • Hiya good to hear from you.  Ithink everything you are feeling is normal enough.  Its like a rollercoaster of emotions.  Are you off work?  As for your OH my husband seemed to be ok to after miscarriage until a few days after i found him crying in the ktchen, he said he was upset and just felt so sorry for me having to go through it all as it was my body.  Perhaps he just seems ok.  My hubby said he just felt he couldnt show mehis hurt as I was hurting too.  Weve actually become so much closer through all of this he is a diamond.


    Im ok thanks.  I trying to keep myself busy.  Weve decided to try again as i feel i need to be pregnant and i so want my own family.  Im 33 and i now feel its my time to be a mum.  Its a awful time but all I can sayis after the physical affects of the mc have gone the emotional time is hard but its also quite a healing time thinking about would could of been, poor babies.  Try not to gettoo down (easier said than done), because you never know monday may reveal positive news.  I really hope it is ggod news.xx

  • Thanks Babybump. Glad to hear you're ready to ttc again, I hope it happens quickly for you. Where are you in your cycle now?

    I don't think it'll be good news Monday as the man was so sure there should be a heartbeat at 5.8mm so I'm pretty sure it's over. I'm not working at the moment because I manage a team and I can't cope with the responsibility - I can't go in and be left alone so have taken the week as sick. I think I'll need to make an appointment with the doc for next week to be signed off ahead of the inevitable. Can't wait for this to all be over image xx

  • Bless u, take as much time as u need chick x

  • Hiya Lou,  How are you?  I dont bame you for being off sick id take as much time as you need.  As for work id go and see your gp and have a week or few weeks off to recover fully.  Im still off and my mc was a month ago i work for nhs and treat up to 20 patients a day and just couldnt cope with it all, i think im going back mon!  As for managing a team you need time for you to recover both physically and mentally.

    Have they said you have to have a d and c?  Cos i had three options either to wait for it to happen naturally, medical management with a pecessary or a d and c.  We opted for the pessary where you stay in hosp for the day, wasnt great but i felt safer in there as they knew what was normal etc...

    As for ttc its a mindfield as i have no idea where i am in my cycle.  The gp said it takes 4 2 6 weeks for your period to return, however she did say it was possible to fall preg immediately after mc and if no period in a wks time to tesy.  Scary cos for about the last week ive had sore aching boobs and nipple tingling along with white discharge which i had last time i was pg...scary as dont want to get my hopes up! xxhelp

  • That sounds really positive - please keep me posted. Would be amazing news if you are pg straight away. Although if you're not then to add a positive spin - you'll know your LMP date for the following cycle which might make things easier. I know if you're like me you prob don't care about that and just want to be pg but thought I'd try to add a positive to it!

    I've been reading up and am kinda hoping I have a natural mc this week before I even have my next scan as I can't do anymore waiting around. The assisted kind looks really painful. Obviously natural would be my preference but as you never know when it'll happen it's a bit scary so I kind of thought to myself I'd have a D&C if no progress in a week or so.

    Obviously had no professional advice yet because of the impending scan so will see what's said on Monday, I might change my mind xx

  • Hiya, hope your ok and taking things easy/  Hopefully you will have a natural mc this week at leastthen the decision doesnot have to be made then.  I think your being really sensible, just thinkmonday will be here soon enough, im thinking of you. 

    I looked your positive spin, shows us women always try and be upbeat even if we feel beaten down by it all.  Im just confused by my cycle and trying not to think about it too much.

    You take care and let me know how you get offf monday xx

Sign In or Register to comment.

Featured Discussions