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confused and frustrated

Hiya everyone!

 its been ages since I've been on here, mainly b/c ended up in hospital for 2 weeks with hyperemesis - ugh!! I'm really quite upset tonight and could do with some advice.... I've been told that for various reasons my pregnancy is high risk & so I shouldn't fly at all during it.. Unfortunately I'm meant to be going to two weddings abroad and on holiday with my best-friend in my 2nd trimester. I've told everyone today that I'm sorry but I won't be able to make it.... I hoped people would be a bit more understanding & my bestfriend (of 10 years) was so annoyed she doesn't want to talk to me!! Am so surprised that people are reacting this way!

I guess I'm really worried because I'm 24 and none of my friends have children/are pregnant in fact most of them are single! I'm a bit afraid that being pregnant could be a bit lonely! I already love my bump to pieces and want to be a Mum more than anything but its still managed to really upset me tonight. I'm very sorry for the rant - any advice?!!!

xxx Kate


  • Hi Kate

    Sorry your friends are being so ridiculous.  I have to say, you are doing exactly the right thing and of course your pregnancy is far more important than any wedding or holiday, no matter how good the friends are.

     I would be very surprised if any of my friends acted that way, so to be honest I can't understand why they are reacting like that.  Would your friend consider a holiday in the UK as an alternative, or is the foreign trip something she's set her heart on?

     As for being lonely - all I can say is that you will be amazed at the friends you find once you are a mum.  I have discovered 2 mums in my village that I never knew before, and I'm only 18 weeks pregnant.  I know once I start antenatal classes there will be a whole new group of people available too.

     I really hope they come to their senses soon, I'm sure they will if they are friends in the real sense.

    Cat x

  • Hi Kate thats awfal of them to be so harsh.

    I can totaly understand how it is,i was ment to go away with adi's cousin abroad in my 2nd trimester but was told not to fly as i was monitered for pre-eclampsia(3 times in total at end of pregnancy)she totally understood as sh had 2kids already.  Im due a hearing op soon and all my sister cares about is me being at the wedding to be in the pics,she has no idea at all.

    Its not much but you always have us lot on here to moan to.

    Like Cat says once you have babe or get to antenatal classes your bound to meet other new mums.

    Take care,all the best.


  • Hi,Kate,sorry hear you've been ill.Sorry to hear your friend could be so thoughtless.Hopefully,once she has had time to think about her behaviour she'll apologise.Of course you can't fly,yes pregnant women usually can,but if you've been told not to it's for a good reason.
    You do find your relationship with friend changes once you have children if they don't.My three closest friends going back 20 years now,I have little in common with them now.Yes we get together and have a nice time,but their priorities are very different from mine.You will meet lots of Mums and Mums to be at antenatal and then at baby and toddler groups,and I'm sure once your friends have children things will be different for them too
    You'll never be lonely,don't worry about that.
    Anyway,take care.Don't think too much on what your friend has said.
  • hi im so sorry to hear that uve been ill and that ur friends have been so rude to u! at the end of the day a friend that cant show u some compassion at such a difficult time arent really friends at all, if u wherent pregnant but had fallen ill with something n u where told by ur doc not to fly due to medical reasons she probably wouldnt have batted an eye lid, its funny how some ppl cant understand how difficult pregnancy can be with or without complications, im 14 wks preg with my 3rd n i have no proper friends with children but luckily enuf my real friends have stuck around n understand i cant go out partying etc etc with them, we make alternative arrangements so we can both have fun. i hope ull not get to upset and get yourself on netmums and find some mums n mums to be that want to be ur friend for u not for other reasons and remember once that baby comes it will be ur best friend in the whole world so dont worry n get urself out there, ur better than them, ud never imagine treating them like that so why should u be treated that way, if u want to sort things with them then get on the phone n get everything out in the open, i can understand their frustration but its not like its ur fault or cud of been avoided n they need to understand that, u stand up for urself!!! hope things work out n like all the other ladies have said uve always got someone to talk to here xx
  • Hi ladies,

     I just wanted to say thank you for ur msgs, & sorry for the moany msg in the first place! i think I was just a bit shellshocked and over emotional! Everyone has since apologised but its def made me think.. I think ppl def dont realise how challenging pregnancy is, I mean I didn't really even realise until I was pregnant lol! I'm going to def try and meet up with new mums once they're born!! Got my first scan on friday! Very excited and hoping everything is OK! Cant wait for the second trimester and hopefully I can say goodbye to this vomiting! Thanks so much again for ur msgs they really made me feel better. xxx

  • hi kate, sorry to hear your friends harsh reactions - you are doing the right thing for both you and your baby, and decisions like this show you'll make a great mummy! (plus hopefully would of saved a ton of money which is always needed with babies - and treat yourself!)
    i too and similar age to you (23) and none of my circle of friends have children, nor are intending to ever have them (i picked the bunch that decided to train as lawyers and doctors and see handbags as their for my job i am a foster carer, so obv deal with alot of children and children related things that they just cant, and sometimes wont even try to understand which is v. isolating. hopefully with you being pregnant you can meet other mums in the same boat, who understands what your going through and feeling. i am always here if you need a chat, as are alot of the other ladies im sure. just remember to keep smiling and concentrate on your future as a new mummy, dont loose the energy on silly comments from others,
    good luck with the scan this friday let us know how you get on! xxx
  • hi kate, sorry to hear about your friends being like that, i guess they dont understand as they havent had any children and you didnt do it on purpose you need to do whats best for you and your baby image

    i know what you mean about pregnancy feeling lonely. i still hear from friends but i think people assume you are a hermit the minute your pregnant, they forget you are still you. but i have joined ante natal classes and i was recently transfered at work so got to meet new people who i go out with. 

    best advice i can give is look to see if there is a sure start centre near you as they do antenatal classes and when baby is born you can just pop in and meet other mums in your area. its great way to make friends who know exactly what you are going through.

    and just enjoy your pregnancy, think of the end result and it makes everthing worth it image


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