"Non-viable pregnancy"
At 39 yrs old, having had 3 beautiful children who range in ages from 15 1/2 to 20 yrs old, and using protection, I never dreamed I'd be blessed with another opportunity to have another child. I found out 7 weeks ago I was pregnant. I had no idea how far along I was, as my period was unpredictable most of the time. My OBGYN had me come in for an ultrasound. According to the measurement of the gestational sac, I was approximately 5 weeks. The hathatd me repeat the ultrasound a week later to better determine how far I was along & so that they could detect the heart beat (which they said should be able to be detected without a doubt by 6 wks). There was no heart beat. I was devastated. I did a lot of research on line & came across a LOT of similar stories by women who insisted on a 3rd ultrasound at 8-9 weeks along. Sure enough, they were able to detect the heart beat. That was not the case for me. My body was acting, growing, & showing every sign I was pregnant & progressing. But, they could only find what they termed as "debris" in the gestational sac. No baby. I ended up having a DnC done. It was already such an emotional rollercoaster ride, but it got worse. I had several complications after the surgery. That very night after surgery, I awoke to having broken out in a severe allergic reaction/rash. I was covered in large gives from head to toe, especially in my private region. It was awful. After 2 rounds of medicine (still on antibiotics), I still have sores all over my body including my face. I had contracted a bacterial infection from the hospital. 24 hrs after surgery, my body refused to let me go to the bathroom (#1). I had to be taken to the ER for that...not fun. I also have a back injury. For whatever reason, the position they had me in for the surgery blew out my back. I couldn't walk & was in a severe amount of pain. I kept thinking, "Could this possibly get any worse?" It's been 4 weeks & I'm still healing. I still have some bleeding, but that's getting better. Just take it 1 day at a time and don't let anyone tell you how fast you should recover. Listen to your body and do what's best for you, not what's best for anyone else. If you have any questions or just need to talk/vent, feel free to respond. I'd be more than happy to help. With Deepest Sincerety.
Replies
Hi, I just couldn't read n run without sharing and letting you know you are defiantly not alone x
I had a mmc in march 2014, had to endure a DNC ( or be medically managed as drs said!)
I had several weeks of bleeding and then more spotting so was referred to gyn - tests showed I had some suspicious cells present on my cervix and my hormones went haywire ! I have to have a cryo treatment to my cervix to kill the suspect cells and Dr was hopeful the hormone levels would sort out themselves
By November my cycles were still haywire so I was given meds to induce a period and had to follow this for another 3 months until February....so here I was almost a year to the day I got my bfp and I still had meds to bring on a cycle ! Depressed was not the word and although we had been TTC for almost 2 yrs I made the choice to stop. I had enough of charts, healthy eating no alcahol, vitamin supplements and peeing on sticks and two week waits for a lifetime so that was that ....done.
I ate what I wanted - drank a beer when I wanted and just didn't think about TTC.
On the anniversary in march I had a tattoo done to remind me of a life, loved and wanted so much and yet changed forever. This felt like closure on the whole thing to me and I felt like I could finally think clearly and move on, heathy at last ( no more dodgy cells present ) and allowed myself to be happy.
April came in and again my cycle seemed so long, but my hubby convinced me to pee on one last stick and the line was so faint I dismissed it !
But it was the bfp.... After a very anxious first few months were due in December
I just wanted to share and let you know my story, I believe my angel baby lead us to find those cells early so I didn't develop anything so bad it would have been catastrophic . ( without the mmc I wouldn't have had a pap smear for a year - more than enough time to devolp!)
Things happen for a reason, I have to believe that, I have to hold onto the fact I don't know why at the time but when it all plays out it will be clear
Best wishes to you and I hope you feel better soon x
Thank you so much for sharing your story. It made me cry, but actually, in a good way. I felt some sense of relief. My doctor still wants me to take it easy...every time I try to do some house work & maybe push myself a little too hard, I start to spot/bleed. But, everyone likes to "play doctor" and think my body should & is back to normal. It's frustrating because they've never been through what I have had to endure. It's nice to know there's someone out there that can relate to what I'm going through. More importantly, that you took the time to reach out to me. Words can not express my gratitude. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!
Anytime ( although I didn't mean to make you cry in any way) I hoped to let you know someone understands and sends hugs x xx
be sure to look after yourself tho, it takes time to get back physically nevermind mentally into the right order so please be kind to your body and mind and don't rush!
Another reason I shared was because so many ladies ( I have spoken to since) have said they were told to TTC again after a complete cycle.... So many have to go thru this but for most the actual medical side is dealt with so quickly, not many mention the complications that can arise or the stress and " ordeal" of it all or how they heal mentally after, I have to admit it, loosing our baby was the most heartbreaking loss I've endured ( I lost both parents and all grandparents and several friends in different ways) and I never imagined how cathartic and helpful its been to me to speak with other moms ( face to face and online) who have gone thru similar situations, from angel babies to difficulties ttc - so keep talking, it is so the best therapy!!
You are the first person I've opened up to since going through all of this. In fact, I had stumbled across this website by accident. I've never talked/written on a forum before. But, I can honestly say, I'm glad I did. I'm the type of person who deals with problems, heartaches, losses, etc., on my own privately. You opened my eyes & heart to a whole different way or option of dealing with my feelings & loss. God sent me an Angel when I needed one the most...that Angel is you. Thank you from the bottom of my Heart.
Aww I'm no angel
but I'm glad to help any way I can x
This whole website ( also was new to me in April lol) is full of fab ladies all of whom have a different story to share about their journey, whatever their direction and I'm sure as you check out the various threads and chat to new people you will make even more friends and find new ways of approaching things.
Please also feel free to pm me anytime x
Thank you very much
You are very welcome x
I used to be the same, I'd deal with everything on my own and never ask for or accept help until we had an event in the family which threw us all into a tornado ( not literally !)
In a moment of weakness I asked my sis in law how she coped with all the sh*t going on and look so calm about it? ( I was a wreck) and she said I deal one thing at a time, I delegate or dismiss what I can't deal with and I have an amazing friend and family network who cheer for me to get thru it, I can't do it on my own ! I'd go crazy in 10 seconds - even if its only calling up someone to see what daft things her puppy did today or see what we can giggle at on TV or even rant at...everyone needs to vent it to make room for the next load.
It was then I realised I didn't do that, I did everything that had to be done myself - I had husband and kids who were left believing I was fine because I hadn't said anything ....most men need a flashing neon sign by the way ! So I have learned to speak and delegate and laugh and feel so much better, we face life as a unit - its us against everything and if we stick together and support each other we can get thru anything.
When I fell pregnant again I knew I wanted a layer of support my hubby can't give, he can't sympathise or empathise with what I'm going thru now, and am so I glad found this site when I needed it, I just wish I knew about it when I went thru my mmc, I think it would have helped too.
It's amazing when you start talking just how many ladies have gone thru or are going thru now what we have been thru, and I admit it's comforting to me to be able to let those ladies know there's a waythru it and its OK on the other side x I bet when you start reading threads in future you will find a lady who you just need to reply to - like I did when I saw your post !
Keep working on sharing and letting people in - there is so much room in your heart it would be a shame for it not to be full of friends too! ( even online ones !!)