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From breast to bottle and why.

Hello everyone,

When my son was born I was determined to breastfeed. So determined that I literally went out and brought everything you could think of to support me in this process. I had a breast pump, those breast heating things for when you boobs become sore from mastitis (I had this and it was so painful!). I was prepared for everything. We even brought a smaller sterilizer for when he had water.

When he was born I started to breastfeed and everything went well. He latched on perfectly. At just a day old he developed Jaundices and had so many heel pick tests. He was just under what they call the treatment line. The type that he had was caused by breastfeeding. I didn't even know that existed up until that point.

The problems only got worse. When we came home I found it more difficult to breastfeed. I had him latched on okay it was just he wouldn't stay on long enough and because of this he would want more and more like 5 min after and this would continue for 2 days or so. I then spoke to my midwife and she gave me tips ect on how to get him to stay on. It worked for so long but then he would latch on, stay on for 20min come off and repeat 5-10 minuets later and we are talking a few months in. I decided to use the pump and hardly anything came out. I know that babies are capable of getting more milk out then the pump but it wasn't even 80ml!

The conclusion to this is I got so stressed and upset. I went though days of depression and just crying all the time because I just felt like I wasn't for-filling my role as a mother. I wasn't giving him what was most natural and what I should be able to do as a women.

I then spoke to a lady from the healthy Mum's scheme and told her how I felt. She said to me that if this is making you so stressed that you can't do anything, making you depressed it will effect not just you but those around you too. My children and most of all my baby boy. I felt like the bond I was desperate for was being ruined by the stress associated to breastfeed.

I had to make a hard decision to stop breastfeeding. I cried so many times but then when I looked at my son and saw how happy he was and how healthy he is, I know deep down I did make the right choice for my baby.

I am all for breastfeeding and think if you can do it then go ahead but that should be your choice. Way too much pressure is on Mums today to breastfeed. There should be support in place for both methods of feeding and just general care for your baby.

I hope this helps anyone out there who is struggling with this issue or something similar.

Emma xx



  • I think that as long you and your baby are happy - it's all that matters. As I was reading your story I was thinking "I hope everything if fine for her now". Take care xxx

  • Hi, 

    When reading your post I completely understand how you are feeling my baby boy was born at 36 weeks with low sugar levels. I was immediately told to give him bottle milk in order to help with his sugars; when bringing baby home I realised he wouldn't latch on at all and if he did he would get frustrated very easily!

    After hours of crying and sobing to my husband I felt like a failure however, just like you I have decided to give him Aptamil knowing that it's the best option for him putting aside my guilt and frustration knowing that his drinking well makes everything feel much better.

    Good Luck and carry on doing what makes you and your baby happy.


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