So much crying! 4 month old does not stop crying

So I'm a new mum to a very screamy baby. He has screamed and cried so much from about 10 days old... and he is now nearing 4 months old. It is seriously killing me :(

Also this is my first ever forum post... so hope I'm doing this right!

Anyway, we have seen SO many doctors - and even coughed up to see a private consultant. 

He has never fed very well at all. Feeds always start ok, but maybe half way through it descends into a screamfest! Not every feed though. Generally if he is a bit sleepy then he feeds ok. Also he is now bottle fed.

So I had him checked out for silent reflux. GP prescribed infant gaviscon and after that ranitidine. Neither made any difference in the screaming. We were then prescribed Nutramigen milk in case of allergies, but this made no difference either. 

He has often been a sicky baby, but throwing up whole feeds seems to have stopped a few weeks ago. He wasn't ever throwing up enough for any of the doctors to have any concerns though. Mostly spit up/mouthful.

The private paediatrician that we saw said that he's perfectly healthy and we just have to ride out the crying which he will grow out of. She also said the silent reflux is a myth! 

We're now on normal Aptamil ready made. Normal nappies, healthy weight gain. Just a lot of crying still!

I feel like I can't go out anywhere with him because he just screams. I get so hot and flustered! And insanely stressed :(

The car seat seems to almost always settle him. The pram works about half of the time. I try to play with him, showing him toys - this seems to work for a short while before he cries. 

He sleeps well at night. Usually around 8pm to 6/7am which is AMAZING. Daytimes he is more difficult to get down to nap, but generally sleeps 3 times for about 30 mins.

Another paediatrician we have seen directed me to the PURPLE crying website, suggesting that this is a phase he will grow out of. At 4 months old though I had hoped for more improvement :(

We have tried all the different colic remedies and nothing has made any difference. He does get wind easily, so we burp him frequently and he seems to fart quite a bit too.

Sorry for the long story, but has anyone else experienced anything like this? I feel exhausted and so stressed out... always on edge with the crying :(

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  • Hi, I read your post and i could have written the EXACT same post about 3 years ago with my youngest. We pretty much had the exact same thing - when she wasn't crying, it was a miracle.

    I hate to say it, but it was colic, and when she 8 months and properly got into food (tried weaning earlier but she just did not get it) things did change massively. It as just something she grew out of. WE too had Gaviscon, changed the milk, tested for allergies, there was no 'reason' she was crying - and it finally stopped. 

    So hold tight, grit those teeth, try and let as much of it go as possible, and know it will end - i promise you, you're over at least half way there, and i reckon when you start weaning, things will change. Good luck x

  • Thank you SO MUCH for your post. I sometimes feel like my baby is different to other babies and no-one understands what it's like. It's so relieving to know that others have been through the same thing!

    I can see that he has made little improvements where we are seeing more smiles at times. But yesterday for example, he pretty much screamed blue murder all day!

    Then I get upset when the HV and GPs scratch their heads when I take him back (usually me in floods of tears too!).

    We had a difficult start to his life, when he was on intensive care for the first week (while I was on the post natal ward after repair of third degree tear). This was awful and has definitely traumatised me. So this crying we are experiencing feels like I'm being repeatedly punched in the face. I just want to be given a chance to start to enjoy motherhood :(

  • Oh i hear you - i would dread the times my baby was awake, as i knew she'd either be vomming up her entire feed or crying and crying no end. But it does stop and it does change and i know it's hard to hear cause you're like 'when will it end? When???' but it really will. 

    Let me tell you, i have two children, my first was such a dream, and i would watch a friend of mine who had a baby the same time, her son crying and screaming so, so much, he would turn bright red, and i'd think to myself 'what is wrong with him???'. Then I had my second child, and pretty much relived it all - she did not stop wailing, and i felt useless and cried all the time, cause i felt like i couldn't help her and didn't know what was wrong. But she did grow out of it, and i finally fell in love with my baby when she hit 8months old (I really didn't like her and found her so very stressful and hard to cope with). Promise you, you are SO not alone. Wish i could give you a magic cure, but think that just comes in the form of weaning and time... 

  • Oh and this charity site might help too hon http://www.cry-sis.org.uk/

  • Hi!

    This sounds exactly like my little boy! He was born last summer and is now nearly 11 months old. 

    i know everyone says babies cry but he cried NONSTOP for about 3-4 months. he struggled with eating and sleeping and because he only associated going to sleep with having a bottle, he would get into a state of not really wanting to eat but trying to carry on with his bottle because he thought that was the way to cure his tiredness!! 

    He was the same and slept 12 hours from a very early age and it was because he was so tired from not sleeping during the day that he would literally "pass out" at nighttime. I think the fact that your baby sleeps for so long would suggest that it might be the same problem. I assumed that if he was in pain/ill he would be waking up during the night and so because he wasnt it could only be that he was in a state of constant tiredness!! 

    everyone around was telling me that he must be ill because of all the problems around eating and constantly crying as they had never seen a baby like it! I went to the doctors so many times only for them to say nothing was wrong but he could try infant gaviscon etc. 

    In the end the thing that helped me was just sitting it out when I knew he needed to sleep and shhhhing and not giving in to give him a bottle and eventually with rocking (and a white noise app) he would fall to sleep! 

    Also if you know they are fed and changed just put them in the pram and go for a long walk with some earphones in! Eventually my little one fell to sleep and that let me keep some of my sanity!! 

    Really feel for you as I nearly lost my mind with him but around 3-4 months after a bit of sleep training he got better and I felt more confident that I knew what the problem was. 

    I remember constantly being worried though that he was really ill and I was missing something but in the end he just needed a bit more time and help than others getting adjusted to the world I think!!

    if you would find it useful to chat then just let me know as it would have really helped me in the middle of that awful time!!

    good luck! And it's true it does get better eventually (Someone told me that when he was one month old and it was true!) and sorry for the essay haha! 

  • Thank you SO much! As it turns out, since I wrote my post on here, we've seen quite a bit of improvement! So I'm keeping everything crossed that we now see less and less crying.

    I am so upset that the start of his life has been so intensely stressful... it has so put me off having another. And I feel like I'll look back on his newborn weeks/months and only remember how tortorous it was. 

    Thanks again for taking the time to write on here. It makes such a big difference to hear from others that have been through this.

  • thats brilliant news! Yes I don't look back at the newborn phase with any good memories at all! How he is now though is so different that the time it was awful seems really short in comparison. 

    In fact it's a running joke with all the family that he must have got all his crying out in the first three months as he is now such a smiley baby and I would have laughed if someone had said that would be the case during the first few months!! 

    Im sure it will be the same for you as the months go by! you should be able to start enjoying it now! xx

  • So my baby is STILL going with the crying... 6 1/2 months old now :(

    I say crying, it is a lot of fussing with a lot of crying too. And very little happy time. 

    My saving grace is that he sleeps amazingly well. Usually 10-11 hours through the night!

    But the days are so tough. when he cries he gets so cross, he sometimes grabs my skin so hard it feels like it draws blood (but doesn't actually). so even trying to comfort him is awful. I just want him to be happy.

    I think the situation has started to make me develop some kind of anxiety disorder too. So i have finally reached out and getting support.

    Why is he so angry all the time?! :( Docs have again reassured me that he's perfectly healthy. I have to keep reminding myself of this fact to stay positive. He's healthy, growing, developing, sleeping and started to wean brilliantly. 

    Trying to grit my teeth and carry on really. Desperate to start enjoying motherhood :(

  • Hi - sorry to hear it hasn't calmed down! Is he napping during the day? 

    If he got a bit better for a bit and has gone back to crying then maybe it could be a development time as they get worse around those. 

    My little boy is 13 months old now and think he is going through one as he is whinging ALL the time! 

  • Thanks. I think he started to improve around 4 1/2 months, and has gradually been improving but very gradually. Now  feels as though he's been stuck in the same fussy/cryey state for ages. I guess it is just really wearing on me now and finding it hard to feel like he's a normal baby. I hate trying to take him for play dates as he is only ok for the first little bit but then descends into crying. i feel like everyone is staring at him/me and judging.

    he naps well during the day - usually maybe 3 naps totalling 3 1/2 hours. I feel so guilty for looking forward to each nap time :( 

    after he wakes up is his best/happiest time. After maybe 45 mins of being awake (sometimes much less) he starts getting cross and fussy. 

    I try absolutely everything in the repertoire of tricks to distract him from crying. Toys, walks, jumperoo, drive in the car, walking around the house looking out of various windows... the list goes on! 

    I can see he is really frustrated trying the crawl and move now too - so suspect this is part of the upset too. But he's always been such a screamy/cryey/fussy baby. Me and his dad have always been so happy and I'd say we laugh a lot together - more than most. We thought he must be a happy baby. How could he not be?! 

    :(

  • I'm sure he will keep improving then! He sounds exactly the same as my little guy though with the getting fussy just before he learns to do something new so it might be down to that right now.

    totally understand what you are saying about the first baby to cry and taking some right entertaining!! I hated taking him anywhere with my friends babies cos they would be playing nicely for ages and I'd be able to stay half and hour tops before he started! 

    Its good you have sought some help too for you because looking back I wish I had done as I definitely couldnot cope. I think everyone would break under all that crying pressure!! 

    It got a lot better when I went back to work and he went to nursery actually so there's always that haha! 

    Just make sure you dont beat yourself up though it will all settle down in the end and it's definitely not your fault! 

    X

  • I’m going throu the same thing and I googled and this thread came up. I read the whole thing and I know it’s been a while but I want to know how things ended up. Is there a light at the end of the tunnel??? My daughter is almost five months old and literally whines or cries all the time. It drains you so much mentally and physically. Your story sounds so much like mine and I need to know how it is now and if he grew out of it. Thank you much! 

  • Hello lovely. Oh god, you must be really going through it. Are you ok? i know first hand how horrific it is to have a difficult baby! Mine is 14 months old now and so much easier! It’s been a very gradual improvement and he is still more difficult than most. But man, he is so much easier than those first months. he is still very intense and cried much more easily than others. But he has been coming on leaps and bounds in the last few months especially. A few things that helped me were - speaking to the charity Crysis (they are really lovely, and I’d like to volunteer for them one day), discovering the fussy/high needs baby Facebook group (let me know if you want more exact details of this), talking therapy (I had CBT for anxiety), getting as many breaks from the baby as you can (and know that it’s ok to not be loving motherhood). I also discovered a blog post on the dearest days blog where she talks about her difficult baby. It always helps to know that others have been through this, and it does get better. I still get hung up on things that we can’t do with our ds. Like, for example, he still wouldn’t sit in a high chair at a restaurant for any length of time without screaming the place down. But we adapt life. It’s not the picture I had in my head when pregnant, but we have a gorgeous little boy at the end of the day. He has really emotionally Tortured me, and I have felt broken on so many occasions. lots of people have told me that he will probably grow up to be a smart kid. So I hang on to that too! Lots of love to you. Hang in there! You are doing amazing . Dm me if you ever want to chat! Xxx

  • I messaged you I hope you got it 

  • Thank God for these posts it's bringing the sanity or at least comforting to know others are experiencing the same. We have a 4 month old that has been crying incestantly for that last month over anything and everything.  He's either super happy giggling or he goes into cry mode.  He starts planking and pushing away from me and then when you thought it was loud he goes one more notch on the decibel metre and goes beet red.  Then tears stream down.

    Once he sees his mom he goes into insane crying until I pass him over to her.  Then he goes back to crying.  He was getting better until about aonth ago when he fell back into the crying game.

    He is driving my wife insane and to tears.  I constantly reassure her he is fine. Our pediatrician says he's perfectly healthy. 

    I talk to other parents and none have had the same experience our demon child... Ok I feel guilty saying that but we are not enjoying Parenthood.  It's not like what we pictures it to be .  Don't get me wrong our baby is a beautiful child and we constantly get comments from others that he should model.... But they need to experience a day in our lives.

    He sleeps a good 8-10 hours a night... Thank God.  He refuses to nap and the only time we can lull him into a nap in addition with a big battle is putting him in our bed.  

    Feeding him is another contention point.  He fed well the first week he was born.  After that he'd only do half feedings.  In the last two months he's been playing this bottle game where we feed him and he passes out after a few minutes.  He wakes up cries for the bottle. Fights his feeding and passes out.....

    I look forward to the days when he cries a lot less and behaves like the babies I keep hearing about on other posts.  I feel like we were the worst parents until we found this thread.....thank you everyone:)

    and thank you for helping me reassure my wife that things will get better

  • Similar to an earlier comment... I have googled ‘4 month old STILL crying’ and come to this thread!

    These stories could be my little boy to the letter! We’ve been through the silent reflux medication etc. however little seems to make much difference!

    It has been very reassuring to hear we’re not alone, however sorry to hear others are having their ear drums compromised like we are! Similarly to others... he cries a lot, but sleeps exceptionally well. I’ve always joked that he exhausts himself and passes out..! It’s not just the frequency but the intensity of the crying. I’ve had to leave many play groups / supermarkets etc because he has drawn so much attention with his screaming. He literally goes purple and is drenched in sweat within seconds! And prior to that he could have been laughing and playing. There is no warning!! 

    We’ve been taking it in our stride the best we can, with the hope that it will continue to improve over time... and to be honest the sleep is the saving grace. With a good nights sleep you’re able to cope with a lot. But I’m frightened these good nights sleep aren’t going to last forever and will be disrupted with sleep regressions and teething, and the constant crying will suddenly become as unbearable as those first few sleep deprived torturous weeks home from hospital! 

    interested to hear how the other babies (some now toddlers!) are getting on now?! 
  • I’m literally holding my 4 month old and 1 week baby boy right now crying. I’ve reached a point of exhaust and dead end. My baby boy has always been cryey/colic whatever you want to call it. Doesn’t like to be put down. So hard to soothe him during wake hours I’ll get a smile for a good 5 mins and back to fussy, crying not a happy baby. It hasn’t let up it’s been the same amounts of fussiness since 2 weeks old. I swaddled, pacifier, hold for countless hours, every baby gadget jumpy things, mamaroo, baby swings, baths, singing, music rocking chair, baby Bjorn you name it I get nothing just a very unhappy baby. He is my second, my oldest is 4 years old and I never experienced this before. I let my pediatrician know and he says to hang In there. He’s breastfed and feeds pretty well naps horribly, sleeps okay at night. His weight and height is normal the dr didn’t seemed worried. Should I be worried should I get a second opinion?
  • Hi. My little girl is 6 weeks old. She was born through a quite long delivery and with forceps in the end. She was a really good baby until day 9 or 10 when she started crying. She was doing the same like others described, going red in the face, pulling her legs to the tummy etc.really unsettled in the night  sleeping really short hours, feeding a lot but then vomiting.Everyone said, this is colic, but nobody really knows what colic is. We tried infacol at the beginning, but it didn't really help and because it is kind of a "medication" I didn't really wanted to continue giving it to her. Then I have found some syrup called ColicCalm. It is a black liquid syrup from plants. A lot of people said that it helps really quickly. It helped in couple of minutes, the crying stopped and she fell asleep really soon, but then after the second time I have it to her she was really constipated so she was crying even more. Then I've found the website of an osteopath, Christian Bates, who has a book called "Calming Colic", who has a lot of advice for these problems. He says that most of these problems appear in babies who were born by forceps, cesarean or long delivery. So this was me, I was in labour almost 30 hours and because she was to big and zi was to tired, they used forceps to take her out. I think she went through a birth trauma. You can find some books on these topics. We have tried osteopathy, but because she was screaming, the lady couldn't do to much. We went twice and we didn't continue. She doesn't have a crying pattern, like she cries now anytime of the day, sometimes for longer, sometimes less, she cannot feed until she calms down. She would go red in the face and screaming like someone wants to hurt her. I also have her probiotics (drops) recommended by this Christian, I cut out all dairy products from my diet. It helped, but just a little. She started to smile, but those happy moments don't last for long. I am really tired right now, cannot even go for a walk sometimes because if she is awake starts screaming. If she sleeps we can walk one hour sometimes with the pram. Most of the times I'm in the house which drives me crazy. She still doesn't sleep really well in the night, she would wake up 4-5 times and then between 4-5 am she would have a crying session. I really hope it won't last for long. Any of you had long deliveries or forceps/cesarean? In my opinion the "birth trauma" version is the most acceptable for my case. She looks scared sometimes and she would wake up crying from her sleep. 
  • Hi everyone, I thought I'd update you with how my little one is now, as he's 2 1/2 years old. Hopefully it gives you some comfort :) So starting with the not so great - we never had a magic moment when he just stopped crying. It was very very gradual. I honestly really feel for anyone who has been through a cry-ey baby - it was without a doubt the hardest thing I have ever dealt with in my life. I suffered post natal depression, anxiety and PTSD. I have worked hard to battle this, and now I am left with anxiety which is at a very manageable level - so much so that I'm starting to come off of medication :) My little boy is now an absolute handful who doesn't sit still ever! But such a delight. He's definitely sensitive and has intense emotions - good and bad! So we do still have mammoth tantrums over nothing (eg the other day I coloured a triangle in green - apparently this was not acceptable!!). But he is doing so so well - and we genuinely love being around him. We never did work out what was causing him to cry so much as a baby. My guess? I honestly think it was his personality - and perhaps some silent reflux going on. My advice to others going through a difficult time with a 'high needs baby' - please please get some help so you can have a break. You need to get some fresh air and some headspace from the constant crying. There's a reason it's used as a form of torture... because it is exactly that. I also found a lot of support via The Fussy Baby Site, who have a support facebook group. Go on there and discover how many other mums are going through the same thing you are! It's really reassuring to know that it isn't just you/your baby. And one of the other things I found it hard to digest was I felt like I was doing something wrong - like I was a terrible mum who couldn't make my baby happy. I used to look around and be so angry/bitter at the other mums who seemed to have this motherhood gig down! But the truth is... we are all amazing mums, doing our absolute best. Our experience was that we just had to ride out the storm. And gradually our little boy became more content, and didn't cry as much. He is now a super physical, amazing little boy with a big personality. He is super healthy and doing so so well. So I really hope you find this update reassuring. You will get through this, and it will all be ok. I know it's hard to not be enjoying motherhood as you'd imagined. But you will get through it! Be strong mamas, you've got this! So much love and support xxx
  • So I wrote on here about a month ago when my boy was 4 months, he’s now 5 1/2 months and I’m pleased to say we’re seeing a lot of improvements. 
    We still have screaming marathons - but I do feel like they’re more predictable and manageable, and on the whole, everyone around me has started to comment on how much of a happy baby he is. 
    He is very smiley, sociable and easy to entertain, but the second he is displeased it stops finding something entertaining, he will let you know about it. I feel like he’s either absolutely ecstatic or his worlds falling apart. There is no middle ground. 
    Like Jen, I put this down to his personality, but also think the reflux could be playing a big part. We’ve started weaning him a little early on purées and he seems so much more settled, and we don’t have to rely on the reflux medicine so much to keep it at bay. He genuinely seems so much more content. 
    I also think he’s a very sleepy baby, and a lot of the time in the past when he was inconsolable, he was probably overtired and wed not managed to get him to nap enough. Now he goes down for a nap after maximum of two hours of being awake - but often he gets grouchy after about an hour and a half, and if we catch that nap at the right time, he will get himself off to sleep and stay in a good mood. 
    We are left with a little bit of anxiety - as a mum of a screamer, you’re not able to just pop out to the shops or pop to a play group without thinking ‘is he going to go ballistic?!’ But I do think he’s getting better all the time and the anxiety is a reflex we’re left with because it’s all we’ve known for so long, but in actuality, the public meltdowns are much fewer and easier to manage.
    We also have a few random holy grail techniques to get him to calm down when nothing else will - there’s a particular nursery rhyme which seems to calm him down instantly when NOTHING else in the world will. Its so bizarre but we’ve found it works. Other soothing techniques and other songs/nursery rhymes have no affect - just one particular one. 
    Like a few other mums have mentioned, my boy was born by c section, which I do think has something to do with it. He simply wasn’t ready to be born yet, we didn’t go through labour, he was just plucked from his happy womb environment, so he’s needed more time to adjust than most! 
    Hes doing super well now, and even a month ago, I was at my wits end wondering - when will this crying stop?! This isn’t normal! But i have seen such a significant improvement - my advice is to take every day as a fresh start and hang in there for the incremental improvements - before you know it, you will be in such a better place with you and your baby. A reassuring thought for me - I like to think that it’s an indicator that they’re intelligent - they’re more in tune with their likes / dislikes and aren’t afraid to express it!! We’re going to have trouble on our hands for the next few years, but what an intelligent force of a child and little adult they’re going to become! Hang in there, you’re doing your best for you and your little one, and don’t be too proud to take some time for yourself. Whether that’s the gym (this is my sanctuary!!) a good book, a series, time with your partner... don’t let the mum guilt talk you out of having stuff for yourself. We all deserve to keep our sanity and take some time for ourselves. And no one understands like a fellow mum of an unsettled baby xxx
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