Desperate for a solution
Hi All
Im in such a dilemma and very unhappy place at the moment. Currently 27 weeks pregnant, living with the inlaws (financial and cultural reasons), I do not get on with my mother in law even though I have so much tried to in the past so we are kind of civilised at the moment where I don’t really talk much to her only when needed. What has happened is the house we live in is partially my husbands and his parents which he pays the mortgage for and rest of the bills including food costs. We have talked about moving out, portioning the house even selling the house but it has never happened and is very less likely. He feels responsible for his parents but understands me too and he feels im being selfish for what I want. We have a 4 bedroom house of which 2 rooms occupied by the inlaws and majority of their things are also in the 3rd bedroom which we have spoken about to the inlaws of turning that into the babies room as there is no bloody way the three of us (me husband and baby) our belongings could cater for in one bedroom its too much. Its funny how the mil talks about everything to organise us and the baby but not the baby room. She has offered zero support with what will happen after my maternity ends (we both cant afford nursery). Shes gives me some space in the house to put my belongings then takes it away which I feel she is very conniving and rude then she tries to butter me up when I am so angry with her. I am not at all happy and very uncomfortable in the house. I hate it there and I broke down last night to my husband I told him that house does not feel like mine I cant do what I want cook what I want to eat put my things where I want just feel like im being controlled and it suffocates me, told him during my maternity I would feel guilty for asking for asking for money from him for the baby as he has spends after spends. Desperate to get our own place but husband has said he knows it’s the right thing to do but his parents don’t want to sell the house for us to afford a property of our own and a small property for them also he feels he can’t just leave his dad who is fairly old but I am ok to leave my family who live miles away and I feel they have the monopoly in their hands. I feel so depressed which is not good for me and the baby but really cant help this feeling. I hate going home after work and I hate weekends. My husband is aware of the situation and that how his mum has behaved with me in the past and to be honest he has sticked up for me where he can and he can be very supportive. He is also aware our little unit is now his priority but I somehow feel I am just an extension of his priority with his mum and his dad. I feel super low and can’t stop crying desperate for a solution am I being selish?
Replies
Hi Tiger stripe,
I can't offer any advice I'm afraid but I didn't want to read and run without saying your not alone, I'm here if you would ever like to talk. It sounds like you are in a very tricky situation and I can understand why you are frustrated.
((hugs))
Hello there. I don't think if you are selfish. I totally understand what you are feeling. It feels like you don't even own your house anymore. I was once in a similar situation. My mother passed away while I was young so I was brought up by my step mother. She came with her family that is her siblings. The house felt so congested. As a child I really never had a lot to talk about. My step mom will spend time with her siblings. I would just be alone and bored. I used to hate that house. I would regret every evening coming back home from school. During the weekends I will fake some group discussions just to have time with myself and not in the house. Thanks God I later enrolled to a university and things changed at home. For your case, it feels you have nowhere to go to. You are married and probably cannot go back to your parents. However you can tell your husband to save money so that you buy your own apartment. It seems your in-laws are reluctant to sell the one you are currently living in. Then you can do it your way. Leave the house for them and let your mother in law look after your father in law now that you say he is fairly old. Your husband can still chip in financially if he wants to. It is only that way you can get freedom from all that stress. All the best.
I don't think if you are selfish. I totally understand what you are feeling. It feels like you don't even own your house anymore. I was once in a similar situation. My mother passed away while I was young so I was brought up by my step mother. She came with her family that is her siblings. The house felt so congested. As a child I really never had a lot to talk about. My step mom will spend time with her siblings. I would just be alone and bored. I used to hate that house. I would regret every evening coming back home from school. During the weekends I will fake some group discussions just to have time with myself and not in the house. Thanks God I later enrolled to a university and things changed at home. For your case, it feels you have nowhere to go to. You are married and probably cannot go back to your parents. However you can tell your husband to save money so that you buy your own apartment. It seems your in-laws are reluctant to sell the one you are currently living in. Then you can do it your way. Leave the house for them and let your mother in law look after your father in law now that you say he is fairly old. Your husband can still chip in financially if he wants to. It is only that way you can get freedom from all that stress.
I understand your situation. I hope you will manage to deal with it.