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parents...!!
my mum is really doing my head in!! i have arranged a night in for new year and she keeps tellin people she is babysitting!! no she is not! i am staying in with my baby! i think she thinks shw is gonna have him alot and she really aint.. its doing my head in now. she keeps going on about being at the birth and stuff and to be honest i felt bad at first cos i didnt want her there, bu i have told her nicely and now its just peeing me off!! grr! just needed to get that off ma chest!
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Sorry went off on 1 there! Don't let her get you down just explain what you want. Of course u want to spend time with your new baby - but at least shes there for babysitting if u need it I suppose. xxx
My MIL has already started dropping hints that her grandchild isn't going to know her etc but I have just said that it is important for me and my oh to bond with our new baby on our own. I am sure there will be times when I would love my mum to be around to cook tea, or give me an hours peace, but I think it is worth giving up that not to have all the hassle of people coming to stay when I have a newborn to look after!!
I would just be honest with your mum about how you feel, I know what you mean about feeling bad as I often think maybe we are being selfish, but at the same time its really not something you want to be stressing about.
My MIL has also said that maybe we can leave our lo with her for a week in the UK so we can go and see friends etc!! I didn't comment but I was thinking 'over my dead body!!'. lol!!
L xx
I think you just have to put your foot down and keep being consistant with telling them what you want and hopefully the message will sink in! I have a bad feeling though that I'll end up falling out with either my mother or hubbys dad if they don't listen to our wishes..
And as for people telling what we should be doing...if my mum tells me one more time about the evils of dummies we'll probably fall out... and i'm sure she won't approve of the cute cloth nappies we just bought...terries were good enough for her...so we should be using them too!!
Oh and Liz...i'd be thinking the same thing if anyone suggested leaving baby with them for a week.. I'm already dreading hubbys brothers wedding next august.. i'm sure there will be a whole bunch of his family neither of us know that will think its their right to pass baby around whether we want that or not. Think i'll put him in a sling so noone can get to him
having said that, we left him with grandparents when we went on honeymoon, he was brill and got spoilt, and nothing bad has happened... BUT i think it gave off the wrong impression - hubbys mother has just bought a big cot for when he stays with her...... he wont be doing again!!!!! she wants to fuss and spoil all the time, and comes up every weekend to see him even making hints about not seing him when ive politely asked her to stay away....
xxxx
Even when we let parents come for visits, until he has chance to get used to their voices we won't just let them come grab him.. we want to be the ones to hand him to anyone who holds him.
And...the mil every weekend..poor you stephe!! at least hubbys parents live far enough away that that won't happen..i'll just have my parents who'll be trying to come all the time.. they are bad enough as it is at the moment...keep coming round on sundays when its the only day we have off together. fortunately they are at my brothers again helping him do up his new flat so we have a weekend off!!
My two go to nannies and even if it is just before dinner she lets them eat biscuits- not just one they are allowed to help themselves. They gulp as much juice as they like during dinner- what little they eat, then they get ice-cream or cake and more biscuits if they so wish- even if they hardly youch their dinner.
When she has them overnight they stay up till all hours. The thing that bugs me the most is that my mum and dad will say to the kids don't do that in case your mummy sees you or eat that biscuit quick and don't be telling mummy. My dad swears in fornt of both of my children regularly and he smokes around them.
I have had countless arguments with my parents but they never listen to a word so I just have to go along with it. Nightmare.
Don't get me wrong I love my parents dearly and they are very good to my kids in many ways but I just wish they would respect my wishes to teach my children to respect me rather than teaching them that it is acceptable to go behind my back.
Sorry for the long rant but in fairness I have been coping with this for six years aaaahhhhh
Debs
17+4
good luck everyone
holly
35 weeks
I will cut off contact with parents if necessary - I've done it before. I live in hope that one day they will learn to respect our wishes!
Tuppence - I'mg lad you posted that you wanted a few days to yourselves..thats what we want too and people seem to think we are crazy, and FIL has already announced his intention to ignore this. I'd be fully prepared to refuse to let them in if they do ignore us and turn up but I think they might manage to guilt trip hubby. He is planning on telling his parents again that we don't want visitors and I hope they listen because I don't want to have problems between me and hubby because of other people disrespecting our wishes.
Someone I work with told me that her sister used to put a sign up ont he door saying 'mum & baby sleeping please do not disturb' which apparently worked. Me..I'll just unplug my phone and take the batteries out of the doorbell!!
Like you said holly, you don't want people in your face straight after a birth.. its the baby, you and oh that are important..and looking after a newborn is going to be tiring enough without having to make polite conversation for hours on end too. At least I know with my friends they will not outstay their welcome or I can just leave them to entertain themselves. I think you just have to be firm and keep insisting no visitors - that might at least work for the neighbours - can you not give your mum a time that she can come over and must be left by if you don't want to completely fall out with her.
Sorry about that, I feel a bit lighter now I've let off some steam.
Hope all of you have luck with your families & put your foot down - You're the Mum.