I think I have Post Natal Anxiety (baby 18 months old)
ok, so where do i start without ranting on.. i really need some help..
to the outside world my life looks perfect, but inside I'm crumbling. when i first had my daughter at my initial check up (12 weeks old) the doctor said he thought i had post natal anxiety and prescribed me some tablets (that i didn't take..i nodded my head and said ok) he asked for me to return in two weeks which i never did.. all these months on and i feel like my head is about to explode.
i was initially going back to work, so we enrolled my daughter for nursery (which i only done to pacify everyone as i NEVER leave her) my husband got a promotion which has allowed me to work from home.. my daughter goes to nursery for 2 1/2 hours in the morning. all sounding good right??
well.. basically thats the only time she's out my sight ...ever!!!!! i pick her up every day and we have a strict routine i follow to a t! initially the thought of her going to nursery made me sick but I'm ok with it as i know exactly where she is at all times what she's eat her nappies etc.
she has had two overnights in her life and both times I've cried my eyes out. Its just too much for me..
things like birthday partys going to them stresses me out. as soon as i get the invite thats the worrying set in and i worry for weeks until the day comes.. like if they are at 12pm.. i stress as she sleeps at 11.45 every day. so then i need to get her to sleep earlier, and she needs an hour,, she can't sleep after 2pm or she's awake till like 10pm!! after her nap she needs to eat or she's cranky.. so much so last week i made her lunch and brought it with me in the car so she would be fed before we got to the party..
i don't like anyone picking her up from nursery, so much so i was ill a few weeks ago and my husband had to cancel meetings to go get her. my mother in law mentioned getting her once and the thought of it just makes me so so anxious i can't even explain it..
i had to nip to the office on monday and i knew i would run late so my own mum had to pick her up and my mum was so excited but since the friday before all i done was worry about it. will she sleep. will she drink her water after nursery. it ruined my weekend.
i just feel like I'm at breaking point. everything is down to a t. lunch breakfast nap times bath times..but its just too much for me now. i have dulled this down a lot but I'm really struggling. i hate the thought of anyone else watching her-i need to be there.
she's so sociable and very happy. you'd never know I'm like this but its starting to show. one of my friends who hadn't seen me in a while actually told me i looked terrible. I've lost weight and just feel so down. i do put on a good front.
i have the doctors tomorrow as i have stolen glands so thinking of mentioning it..but then again I'm just so embarrassed,,, does anyone else feel like this?x