Lonely and scared!

Some of you may remember 2 wks ago my hubby left me! Since then we have slowly got on talking terms and even went to Relate.

I have been signed off sick since we split because my depression and panic attacks came back with a vengence which called a complete halt to my job-searching! Anyway, he came round for tea tonight and now I finally realise that having been married for 4 months (am 11 wks gone) it is gonna be a divorce!

The reason being - money apparently! He has a 10yr old daughter who we cannot afford to pay maintenance for with me being out of work, we would be left with ??50 per wk to feed, cloth and pay petrol with a wk if we pay the maintenance. I also have a 14 yr old son who lives with his dad (200miles from me) who we also dont pay maintenance for because we came to an agreement that we both have 1 son each living with us and the money would be better spent keeping the 2 boys in contact with each other (visits etc).

I do agree that looking after children is important but the cold fact is - there is no money in the pot to do it. We were looking after her on a regular basis, treating her etc but we just cannot pay rent, bills, living expenses on 1 wage and we just cannot afford maintenance on top. I know the csa would take loads and leave us without if her mum decided to go that way but because I am expecting she had til now been really understanding!

Anyway, on that basis, he has decided our marriage can never work and he has to look after his daughter. Never mind the baby of his I am carrying and the fact that my 6 yr old has looked upon him as a dad for the past 3 and a half yrs.

I am so bloody angry right now. There is now no going back. How could I ever build a relationship with his daughter ever again after he has taken it upon himself to chose between her and us, therefore I have to realise that divorce is the only way to go! How can a man do this? Chose between kids? I know one is yet to be born but still!

Now I am 200 miles from my son, my dad and entire family. Am soooooooooo scared about going alone and lonely too! Have 1 good mate up here but its not fair on her - she has 3 kids and a hubby herself to be worrying over.

Sorry to be going on but right now am sat here wondering how the bloody hell am gonna cope! My son has been crying all night because his "dad" walked out without saying goodbye to him and I dont know how to tell him that is highly unlikely that he will see him again!

My heart is breaking for my kids right now and I cannot believe he has said or done this 3 wks b4 christmas.

Sorry am on such a downer girls but really felt had to pour my heart out somewhere.


  • i am so sorry to hear that all of this is going on with you, while you are pregnant and just before christmas. is there anyway you can go and stay at your dads for a while or if things are completely over move nearer to your dad?

    im not much help but didnt want to read your post and not leave a reply.

    look after yourself and your kids. i really hope you get something worked out.
    big hugs

    love becsxx
  • sweety i'd suggest looking into a council house near your family he obviously has his priority's mixed and puts his lil girl before your son and lo to be... yes its worse its just b4 xmas but think of the new year a new start. he's not being fair to you and its certainly not fair on you having to try and pretend lifes fine when your pregnant and your depressed. As far as i was aware the CSA can not take all the money they would look at circumstances and the environment he is in b4 deciding on what he had to pay for her. he obviously didn't look into it. to make the decision after getting you pregnant was EXTREMELY harsh and i feel for you... children are expensive but as he already took on you son and got you pregnant he obviously thought you could manage.... grrr at men sometimes.
  • this is gonna sound cold but it is said with your & your kids best interests... move back to where your other son & family is & concentrate on them & the new baby. If you husband has already chosen his daughter then there is nothing you can do. I can understand his ex's point of view, they had a kid, the relationship broke down & he was supporting his child, now he has a new family & a new baby in the way & she is wondering why her daughter should suffer because of it. I'm not critising you but just trying to put her point across too as that is how I would feel.

    IMO your best course of acton is to be nearer your child with your ex & to raise your new baby along with your older kids & let your ex live with his descion. He will pay for it (karma wise) eventually. Get on to the benefits office asap too to make sure you don't fall into debt whilst you are off work to see what they can help you with & when baby is born make sure you get child support from him too, if he is prepared to pay for his first child then he should be paying for this one too.

    Trust me, you deserve so much better than someone who puts money over their kids & wife. It may not feel like it now but you will realise it one day. But whatever you do I wish you & the kids well.
  • I'm very sorry to hear your situation has not got better. I agree with alot of what the ladies are saying. You need to be somewhere where you will get support from family. At the end of the day thats what they there for.

    As for him. I'm not really sure what is to be said there. After 3 and half years you'd think you would know someone and you would have thought the best thing is to be together and help each other. Thats what love is all about.

    But he clearly is just thinking about himself and his daughter. I'm sure when your new little one arrives, he will want to see the baby.(hopefully) He will nthen realise that no child is more important than the other.

    Lots of strength to you my darling. You are in my thoughts. Please whatever you do just don't give. Keep your head up. And show him just what a strong woman you are.
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