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  • MissW97 I have the exact same fear. 

    I'm still early days but I had a chemical back in November and I'm scared this is going to end in the same way. I'm also a first time mummy.

    The way I decided I'm going to deal with the fear is to just acknowledge it's there but not yet carried away with it.

    Good to see your test is so dark. I keep testing too. Although I've only got one test left and I'm not going to buy any more.

    Good luck at your doctor's appointment.


  • Lmc - yes I really needed to see that, been so worried but feeling more positive and happy now! It’s so nerve wracking waiting for the appointment! I’ve just moved and it was going to take weeks to sign up for new ones and get an appointment so just decided to stay at my old ones and get my post sent to mums house! Good luck at your appointment! 

    Hellobabycakes- sorry to hear about your chemical pregnancy! I really hope for you that this is a sticky bean! Thank you! I will let you ladies know hiw it goes! xx

  • atm it's not too bad as I don't have a bump but she's just started tantrums and my gosh she does fling herself about and push ouT, so I'm trying to avoid having her near my belly whilst I try comfort her and rub her back. She starts nursery next month full time when I go back to work. So I won't see her much ☹️ But will only be for a short period as we're moving and I doubt I'll be able to find a new job being pregnant... so I'll just have to stay at home with her, which will be hard work I imagine being heavily pregnant and a 1year old but people do it don't they and survive lol so

    im sure I'll be fine. 

    im defo more relaxed this time around, I remember my first I was so anxious until 20+ weeks. It's really hard when you MC and get pregnant again as it weighs on your mind but I have to be

    positive now that I had a healthy pregnancy and baby and trust my body can do it again. You can't stop unfortunate circumstances so you need to try and project as much positive energy about your pregnancy to hope it delivers a safe and healthy pregnancy and baby.

  • Sorrry this is long and a little off topic but wanted opinions.

    Can I just ask about family situations as I recall a couple of you saying the family dynamics aren't great with extended family.

    my MIL hasn't treated me very nicely since I had my first baby. my husband has a son from a previous relationship but we've been together since he was 1 and he's 9 this year. She very close to him as my husband moved in with her when he and his ex separated so she took on a role of mum too: but I found some of her role very patronising and undermining of my husband from observing over the years. my husband feels very unsupported by husband mum due to her lack of loyatly and consistent undermining, she never says she loves him or has ever been tactile with him to show remote affection, infact she sarcastically critiques him for putting on weight or whatever. 

    when i gave birth she didnt even call or text me to congratulate me but only communicated with my husband demanding to see my daughter. showed no consideration to our new baby and me learning to breastfeed and seeing my family family in turn as I live 70miles away from my family. She was just very selfish and narsasistic  which caused a fall out. My husband wanted me to forgive which I felt I had to. But before Xmas I found out sge had been slagging me off and our parent decisions to someone I work with who she's personal friends with: she also started heavily undermining my husband and saying. Inappropriate things to my step son about me and his dad. Which she was confronted about and chose to ignore us rather than explain or say sorry.

    so she didn't give my daughter a Xmas present or card on her first Xmas but gave my step son presents and card 2days before Xmas whilst he was with his mum. We always go to inlaws Christmas Day so she had obviously decided she wasn't going to see us Xmas day. Which angered me that she had given one grandchild presents and a card and treated our daughter like she didn't exist. 

    She also didn't bother sending a card for our daughter on her first bday nor did any of my Husband family actually- as she has poisoned them all I'm sure as they would usually send card for bdays.

    since then she's spoke to my husband saying it's our fault she didn't see our duaghter for Xmas or bday and she had her presents but it's essentially an exchange process only, she gets to see grandahghter to receive presents. She's failing to understand that's not how it works and she's caused a lot of hurt and damage and disrespect. She's failed to apologise to either of us but has made effort with my husband to get him to move on but she hasn't made any effort with me until my husband pointed this out to her. i don't want to hear it from her now as I feel she's never going to change and I don't want someone like that causing issues in my life or our daughters. 

    Shes basically told my husband that it's sad I don't want to move on but he should still visit with my daughter. I know. I should probably let him but Ive said she's massively disrespe our daughter, treated her like she doesn't exist and if she was older that would be very upsetting for her to see her brother get presents and nothing for her. I told my husband as her parent it she. Our job to protect her raise her to know it's ok not to please other people if it doesn't make you feel happy or comfortable. hes  agreeing with this but it's like his mum only wants a relationship with him again now in order to see our daughter. 

    Weve told my brothers and my parents I'm pregnant but he said he will tell his mum and dad after 12weeks. (I don't know how this will change the dynamics but I feel it's going to

    put more pressure on my plate and more fake kindness from his mum) she's just someone I don't want bringing me down when I try so hard to be positive and raise our daughter and be pregnant. 

    What are your opinions really as I just don't want a relationship with them anymore I told my husband I don't expect him to cut the relationship but as we're  moving he wants to have some kind of civil relationship as he's desperate to just be loved by them but what they offer isn't the love I've grown up with but I accept he needs to feel anything from them is better than nothing. He's an only child and doesn't know any different really but admits my family are his dream of what a family is like, social, supportive, tactile and gatherings, in very close to my family and my husband is very close to them too. 

  • Hi jazzy,

    wow... you’re going through such a tough time! You don’t need any of this in every day life let alone going through it while pregnant! I really feel for you.... and hope you get any glimpse of improvement?

    how are you and your husband? And how are your fanily with the news? 

    Try not too stress! It’s not good for you or the Baby!

    a little about my story... me and my ex husband split up a long time ago! We’re not yet divorced but it’s in process (we had to wait 2 years as it cost so much). My family and parents hate my new partner. They’ve done all they can to attempt to break us up and unfortunately for them... it hasn’t worked. If anything... it’s just bought us closer together. I found out Friday I was pregnant. I told mum Saturday. after 24 hours of silence, she contacted me.... to say she wants nothing to do with me or my baby. i won’t go into detail of all the other nasty hurtful things she said, but basically I’m doing this without them. I’m her only child. This is her first grandchild. its Heartbreaking but I have the support of my partner and his family! 

    You Are never alone! If you ever need to talk... drop me a message 😌 xx

  • Ahh gosh that is super hurtful but I guess someone else's choice like that makes you stronger to plan your future and not be weighed down but I can only imagine it must take some time to digest.

    last year my husband tried to build bridges and it just annoyed me that I felt he wasn't being loyal yo me but I see that he just wanted things to not be stressful but now his mums hurt us again, he's apologised to me for forcing me to forgive her.

    hes mostly loyal to me and our daughter as he now sees what his mum is like but I compare it to Domestic abuse in that she's very manipulative and how a partner forgives their perpetrator Many times because they just want thehoneymoonperiod Back and he old person they fell in love with, they're willing to accept someone toxic again for hope that person will be good to them for a little while longer but patterns repeat themselves and deep down you know it's not healthy or good for you. That's what I said to my husband, he wants his mum and dad in his life even if it's distant because I think it hurts him more the idea of cutting them off even after they treated us awfully but I have To respect it's his mum and dad and aslong as he doesn't force our children to have a relationship with them i'm ok. 

    I said his mum especially needs to show me sincerity of her reflection of behaviour and realisation of the hurt and damage her behaviour has caused/ ATM she's playing a victim to the family and no way near truly apologetic for hurting us. So I don't need or want that negativity in my life nor will I accept my family being treated by her standards. I have to role model to my children that being mistreated hurts and more than once it's ok to distance yourself from that person if they aren't willing or showing sincere change or apology.

    my husband ATM is beating round the bush my ignoring his mums text about her telling him that I'm sad to not move forward but if I'm not willing to essentially play happy family's, he should have family gatherings with our daughter without me. Which I'm 100% never allowing to happen as that is not what I want our daughter to accept as normal because his mum won't apologise or change her ways. She's turned his family against us, which annoyed me but more fool them to they're willing to take her version only, were private people and wouldn't dream of running to the family telling them to get them to pick sides.

    my mil treats me like a surrogate and that my existence doesn't matter providing she has her son and grandchildren. She has a good relationship with my husband ex tbf shes vile to my husband many times and yet his mum chooses her over him, my husband told his mum a few weeks ago that his ex could stab him and his mum would still choose her because it benefits her to see the grandson. She isn't violent lol but that's how badly he feels his mum has zero loyalty to him or cares about him. So pretty hurtful for him.

    i just want to have this pregnancy and baby with boundaries as tbh my first after birth experience was really tarnished with stress from his mum about pressuring us to see our daughter not considering what we're going through or even bothering to text and ask how I am or if I need anything (she lives 2mins away) my parents did x2 70miles trips  each week just to drop off food and tidy up for me. No pressure to hold our baby or stay too long: his mum was just awful. I don't want this expectation this time around and I know she'll slag me off to people saying I'm stopping her but yes I because I won't have unhealthy people or people that disrespect my family around me or us. 

  • Also his parents are money bags and use money as a hold or a way of buying affection. My stepson often tells people he has over £1000 in his account nanny set up for him. 

    my MIL wanted our daughter birth certificate to set up an account which I refused and said she has a savings we set up so if she wanted to give her pocket money? She can put it in an account we have for her, no one else is using money as a bribe to control or manipulate my children. 

  • gosh, you really are going through a traumatic time. I really feel for yOh really do! 

    My parents are very well off... me and my partner used to work for them until she made us both redundant! my Partners family don’t have a lot, but they are genuine down to earth people who will do all they can for us. We both work and earn a good wage so anything our baby will ever need we can provide without my family if we have to!

  • Yeah id choose sincere loving people over people who are controlling with their financial circumstances/ me and my husband both had good jobs too but I'm so nervous about being unemployed when we move and then trying to find work againas im at high end in my position and so it does feel unusual to accept the idea I'll be unemployed for a while but on the flip side I'll be looking after one baby and carrying another and that in itself is a worthy job and one that so many women would drop a lot for: my parents are very realistic and calm my nervousness a lot but I'm trying to focus on Day by day events rather than trying to predict the future. 

    Aslong as you have supportive people around you, doesn't matter if their blood or not, i found I really needed support after having my first but I'm hoping I won't be so hormonal and low during my next baby early months: don't ge me wrong I had good days but I missed my support network of friends and family who were 70mils away. 

  • Oh I’m so sorry for those of you with family issues. It must be so hard. But remember you are strong women and you can do this without them if need be. Keep those around you who make you feel good, and get rid of all those negative influences. Its not worth it for the kids you already have, and for the baby/babies growing inside you right now!

    I’ve been feeling rough as. Was sick twice yesterday, once at home and once in Sainsbury’s of all places. I was meant to be painting our bedroom today but I’m so exhausted I can’t even face that. I’m putting it off till next weekend.

    We have a family present day tomorrow where all the kids get together and all get loads of presents, and I know it’s going to be hectic! I don’t think I can cope haha. I’ve already changed the plan from me cooking for 20 to all of us just going to Toby Carvery for dinner instead and I’ll just do dessert at ours. I’m going to just do a massive tiramisu, so easy to make and no cooking involved. 

    Guys I saw this thing on another site where with reflexology you can tell the gender of the baby. So what you have to do is sit on the floor, and put the soles of your feet together. Then look at both feet and you’ll have a lump on either the right or left foot. To find it, you have to look between your heel and the arch of your foot. And one side will be fatter than the other, you can usually feel and see the difference. It’s its on your left foot it’s a girl, or on the right foot it’s a boy. And it’s like 90% correct. I don’t believe in all wives tales etc but I do think your feet are like maps to the body so it makes sense if it’s true. Mine says boy!! Another one yay! So I suppose we’ll find out soon. I’ll try put a photo up to show what I mean because I understand it’s hard to get. I’m probably terrible at explaining it! 

  • imageHere’s a photo of someone else’s foot from the other website! To show you where to look. 

  • Wow ladies you really are having a hard time with your families sorry to hear that it must be horrible position. I would say if it’s causing more stress then cut them off it’s not worth making yourself ill over it xx

    im just back from out of hours was convinced I had urine infection as it’s agony every time I pass urine but my sample was clear so got some treatment for thrush instead. Feel so sore & uncomfortable & I am tired constantly haven’t been sleeping due to being at toilet constant. 

    Oh Loubeelou2 I am going to do this xx

  • imageSorry for the ugly foot pic 🙈 look like old women feet 🤣 I can’t make mines out a lot to me it looks like more fatter on left what yous think ? Xx

  • I just did the foot thing lol but I have no bump on either side! Argh lol xx

  • Ooh lmc I see a lump on the right side! Is it spongy to touch there compared to the right? You have lovely feet silly!

    ellie could be twins so no side is apparent yet?? Eek!  

  • is that what it means?! Lol!! Xx

  • Lol thank you. To be fair it does look more fatter on the right side in pic but in person it looked left. I have felt again & they both feel same to me so maybe it’s just not clear yet. I was going to start reflexology to help conceive just before I got my positive xx

  • Hey ladies 

    lmc I hope you’re not in to much discomfort.

    The scan showed a very large cyst on my left side that has been causing pain. At the time my dates put me at 6+5 but she said I was measuring at 6 weeks and could only see the sac, she wasn’t worried though unlike me. I’m having another scan on Wednesday coming and just praying for growth. 

    Jazzy you MIL sounds very toxic, sorry to hear of everything she has put you through and continues to do so. It sounds like you are making the right decision and protecting your daughter from a toxic situation. Stay strong you’ve got this. 

    MissW sorry to hear about how your mother has reacted to your news. It sounds like she has forgotten that it’s your life and you’re very happy with things. I’m sure she’ll change her attitude soon but I’m the mean time at least you have the support of your other half’s family. 

    Im going to do the foot thing in a sec, I already have 3 boys so could be interesting xx

  • Oh the foot thing sounds interesting. Might give it a go. 

    Sorry to hear about your family situation jazzy and missw. Makes what should be a very exciting time a lot more stressful. 

    Emmy good luck with the scan let us know how it goes. 

    Does anyone else feel like they are about to get their period any minute? I've been having cramps like AF is about to arrive. 

  • Is anyone else hungry all the time?! And if I don’t eat I feel sick! Lol. I’m soooo bloated this early on this time round. 

    Ill be 6 weeks on weds, only another 6 weeks to go for the first scan 😩 xx

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